To Fade or Disassociate

by Jules Saturn 42 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Jules Saturn
    Jules Saturn

    Hello to all, so I did want to talk about this topic because I think it is very important to me. I have a grandfather who faded several decades ago. He occasionally attends an assembly and the Memorial but no longer attends meetings or goes on field service. He's told me that his reason for fading was because the Society was trying to convince him that the brothers and sisters, the organization was his family, instead of his own worldly blood family. Obviously there are several pros and cons when it comes to disassociation and fading. I'm aware that fading seems like the best route, especially because I personally wish to not lose contact with my family and friends that are still in. However I do know that if you're caught breaking the rules, then it's possible to get disfellowshipped. And then there's disassociation, where you lose your friends and family only because you wish to no longer be associated with the organization. What have been your past experiences with this and what have you done? Fade? Disassociate? I'm not asking what I should do, just asking for what people have done and what works. Thank you very much.


  • DesirousOfChange

    I'm aware that fading seems like the best route, especially because I personally wish to not lose contact with my family and friends that are still in.

    Because we still have family members who are still captives of the Cult, we are doing the "fade". We do not actively voice our "mentally diseased" ideas, and as a result they still associate with us. I believe they consider us as being "inactive" and "stumbled".

    If the JW Gestapo knew everything we do (occasional cigar -- my wife just loves smoking cigars -- * ), occasional trip to a casino, etc, I'm certain they'd pounce at the opportunity to DF us. But we basically are leading a "quite and calm life" and we are left alone.

    IMO to DA is "playing by the JW Rulebook". YMMV.


    The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!

    * (For any who rode the "short bus" to school - It's really ME that enjoys the occasional expensive Cuban)

  • Finkelstein

    I faded on the premise of non belief via scientific knowledge, I did not make myself known as being a vigorously opposing apostate and I was brought in the JWS religion from birth.

    My whole family were all in at the time although a couple more have dropped out since.

    I would highly advise this approach if you desire to keep some relationship going with some JWS family members or otherwise.

    So if you get asked to why your withdrawal by another JWS elder etc. cut the answer short by saying you have too much non belief and leave it at that, they will try the darnedest to squeeze out any apostasy mind you so be prepared ahead of time..

  • Jules Saturn
    Jules Saturn

    Disassociation has always been a strange concept for me, I don't even understand why there's a need to shun someone who has disassociated, apparently it's because they're shunning the organization but at this year's Royal Commission in Australia, Angus Stewart made it clear that individuals who disassociate don't shun their family or friends

  • ToesUp

    We stopped going 4 years ago. When we were contacted by the Elders we told them we were doing fine and if we needed them, we know their phone number. When they come to your home, you don't have to answer the door. If you do answer, tell them you are fine and know how to contact them. If they push it, firmly tell them that you do not want to discuss anything with them. You don't owe anyone an explanation. It's a private matter. Be firm and strong with strong eye contact. If they know they can intimidate you, they will. The less you talk, the better. If they happen to DF you and anyone asks why, tell them you were DFed because you have missed meetings. If you want to DA, do it but be real about the consequences. You will loose family and "friends." Keep us posted.

  • rebel8

    As previously stated here and other threads, the Borganization has an interested in disassociation, not you. It does absolutely zero for you and possibly does you harm (severs some important relationships).

    The Borganization benefits greatly because it reinforces their authority and insulates their Borg from your logic and reason.

    There is nothing in this that benefits you.

    DA is not your ritual and has nothing to do with you now.

    If you need a ceremonial split, you can do that yourself.

    Burn your pioneer card, have a Goodbye Borg party, block all dubs, cancel your talks, change your health care proxy, change your religious identification on your driver's license, get a freethinker tattoo, put yourself on the Do Not Call list, have a single catch-up holiday day called ChristmabirthEasteValentine's Day.......

    If you want to flip the bird to the Borganization, DA is not the best way to do that. Playing by their rules makes them happy. Write a letter, take out an ad in the newspaper, do a media interview, do a YouTube video.........

    I can think of a gajillion ceremonial ways to leave your Mother without helping her to destroy others' lives and your own.

  • eewx2

    My husband and I disassociated. We weren't really aware of fading. But for me I wanted a clean break. I wanted to celebrate holidays and drink and smoke openly. Yes my parents and brother shun me. This has not been easy, but they really are toxic, extremely critical people. I wish I could give you a better answer, but each individual has to do what is best for them.

  • Jules Saturn
    Jules Saturn

    What makes fading difficult is that I am still young, in my early 20s, and I still live at home with my family. A family that confidently believe in the Truth and will stick by it even if it isn't true

  • ToesUp

    Like eewx2 said above...."we all have to do what is best for US." She's right. We all have a different story and circumstances.

  • Finkelstein

    Then you have all the more consideration to be a quiet non aggressive non believer.

    I would even consider attending special events like the memorial or Assembly just to keep things peaceful around the house, for time being.

    I've heard awful stories of adolescents who were still living with their parents be made out as big anti JWS which resulted in their parents forcing them out the home.

    Yes that does happen.

    You've got to keep in mind this is a deeply indoctrinated religious cult and people who were once involved and make the motion to leave, are accordingly identified as being spiritually weak, evil, taken over by Satan's spiritual influence, or showing a lack of loyalty to Jehovah..

    Fear is utilized to keep people active WTS, in other words loyalty to the WTS is showing faithful dedicated loyalty to Jehovah, the actual writings in the bible and the words of Jesus Christ are of lesser concern.

Share this