Gay ex-Bethelite

by Chip Williamson 36 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Chip Williamson

  Just now finding this web site and have enjoyed reading the comments. I've never written down my story and it could be a Jerry Springer episode but here goes.

  I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness from as early as I can remember. After highschool, I went to a 2 year technical college since 4 year institutions were frowned upon. I worked part time, became a regular pioneer, MS then elder and did enter Bethel service at WTF in the mid 80s. Even though I was still a virgin, I knew deep down that I was attracted to men. Being at Bethel with all of these clean cut, young, testosterone filled young workers was torture for me. If my secret ever became known, I was sure to be kicked out and DFd. I spent 5 years there, working my butt off and secretly lusting after some of the guys there. There actually were some very attractive guys there. I never had a sexual experience there but a close friend of mine who I think suspected I had a crush on him would sit on the front row when I had a talk or service meeting part and he would wink at me. It was confusing to me but I never acted on it thinking it was a trap.

  I left Bethel service after 5 years for the main reason of I knew I was gay and I was wasting my time if I wanted to live my life. Plus going to bed with blue balls every night was tough as JWs frowned on masturbation too. I came back home and continued to pioneer and my parents pressed me on the marriage issue. I did not want to marry as I knew I was gay but I thought maybe marrying a female would cure me.

  I found a nice sister that Ive known as a friend for years we began dating and got married. My 1st time having sex with anyone was on my honeymoon night. I was so lost. I didn't know what to do but somehow managed. Our marriage didn't last very long for a couple of reasons. 1st our parents pressured us into getting married, 2nd reason is I really wanted to be with a man and 3rd - she really wanted to be with a woman. Yep Jerry Springer show!! We divorced and she is happy with her wife and I am incredibly happy with my husband of 10 years now. He encouraged me to go back and finish my education. I finished my Bachelors and Masters degrees thanks to his encouragement. I celebrated my 1st birthday and Christmas ever with him. Of course my parents don't talk to me because I am gay and DFd. His parents don't speak to him because he's white and married a non-white. Crazy right?

  We are so happy and free now!!!!!
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  steve2

  Hey welcome Chip. We are an unknown but likey large number of born-in men and women who have known since our early years that we are sexually attracted to the same sex.

  Sometimes heterosexuals ask, Why do gay men and women marry members of the opposite sex knowing they are homosexuals? Your OP provides compelling answers. While I did not marry, at differemt times in my younger years, I had at least 3 JW women keen to pursue relationships with me, one who even knew I was gay.

  Those of us who have the wherewithal to get out and make happy lives for ourselves are lucky. Whilst I was never sexually active when I was in the organization, I knew of at least 3 young ones locally who killed themselves because of the struggles over sexual orientation. There have doubtlessly been others that I don't know about.

  And the most Jw org does is suggest to young ones it is likely a phase and warn about living a life of celibacy or face Jehovah's wrath.

  I hope your JW family have been able to find away to be supportive to you and your husband.
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  Je.suis.oisif

  Hi & welcome Chip.
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  freemindfade

  Welcome

  glad you are able to live as your true self
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  LoveUniHateExams

  Hi Chip, welcome to the forum.
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  sparky1

  Very interesting story.............and WELCOME TO THE FORUM.
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  ShirleyW

  It's interesting that you wanted to be with a man and your wife wanted to be with a woman, I've heard of that happening before, but not among "Jehovahs faithful servants", but it probably has happened in the Borg. We all know by this point that Bethel is basically a meat market for young men. That plus the fact that there's so many obviously gay people in the Borg, but when the nosy folks get together and discuss how Bro/Sis so and so appears to be homosexual, someone always says Jehovah will take care of it, clean up his organization in due time, and let them continue pioneering or being an elder, but if a new obviously gay person starts studying, somewhere down the line they will have a "discussion" about what is their intent about coming a JW, such hypocrisy.

  That's why I use the name ShirleyW on this board to show the hypocrisy, that's the name of one of the two pioneer sisters that started attending the KH I grew up in when I was about nine or ten years old, I'm pushing 60 in a few years and these two are still "roommates". Yes I know there are many roommates all over the planet that are not in a relationship, but if you knew these two, you can get a good read of what's going on.
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  Skedaddle

  Big welcome to you Chip. Wow, what a story! You sound really happy!

  @ShirleyW - Ha, I'm trying to think back now if there were ''couples'' in my Jdub area. I'm sure there were... My innocent mind back then wouldn't have picked up on anything but now, well let me see... :)
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  Slidin Fast

  What a great story. I am so glad you got yourself organised. Happy, well educated and free! That's a happy ending. No pun intended. Well, maybe a bit.
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  ShirleyW

  Skedaddle - Just think back, I'm sure you can remember that Brother that gave off the hint that he was gay, there's always one or two in the Congs that shared the same hall that you would probably know about.