My Introduction - An ex-elder's story of waking up later in life.

by doubtfull1799 65 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Giordano

    Pete Zahut wrote .........what most of us, who exited the JW construct, have in common with one another.

    it was a perfect storm of events and doctrinal conflicts that made being a JW intolerable.

    The breaking point for those who separate themselves from being a JW is when it become's unendurable and we are compelled to act. That's when we fade, or we fake it for families sake and bide our time, we simply leave, or we DA ourselves. We reach that point when it all becomes insufferable and unsupportable.

    I reached a point where entering a KH made my skin crawl

  • steve2

    Welcome doubtful1799. I will be on the look out for the book that opened your eyes, "The Art of Thinking".

    Yes the days of the organization even having a semblance of "intellectual" reasonableness are well and truly over. It is unbearable for those with even basic thinking skills to remain calm during meetings as the simplistic manipulations continue. It's all FOG: Fear, Obligation and Guilt.

  • doubtfull1799

    Thank you all so much for your replies and welcomes. It was really so heartwarming and I appreciate it so much. Thank you to to those who alas shared their stories and the parts of my story they could relate to - that really helped me. And for those who offered any advice - thank you, I am listening.

    @wizzstick - no, I don't see any change in general. That is why I felt so alone.The only thing I see is that our congregation hasn't changed in size in decades. We have only had one baptism (from the field that is, I'm not counting born-ins) in the last decade. We only maintain numbers because people move in and out.

    @smiddy - nice to meet fellow Aussies, look forward to talking more

    @stuckinarut2 - thank you, yes I hope it helps the lurkers, I have been one for months until this post. And yes I have checked out jwfacts, its a great resource.

    @zeb - its very interesting to search the word "evidently" in the Watchtower library, you'll be amazed at how many time it has been used just since 2000! Especially when you consider that it is just a smokescreen for the you don't actually have nay evidence. It's like when countries call themselves "the peoples democratic...." to disguise the fact they are dictatorships! Example: "The people's democratic republic of North Korea," which is neither a democracy or a republic.... hehehe

    @tor1500 - thank you for your helpful perspective, much appreciated

    @careful - indeed, its symbolic for me of how people of every generation have interpreted the sign a applying to themselves. It shows that the sign is too vague and virtually useless as a tool to identify any time period. Its no better than a horoscope. Its like 2 Tim 3:1-5. The question always asked is: "do you see these things happening now?" but that is the wrong question. The question should be: "Has there ever been time when these things weren't happening?"

    @vanderhoven7 - not really, I have not ruled out the possibility of a supernatural deity, I'm open minded about it, but critical analysis of the Bible leads me to the strong conclusion that it is not of divine origin, the same critical analysis that led me to believe the same of the GB. I would need some pretty amazing evidence that would stand up to critical scrutiny to go back to believing in a personal God.

    @Ding - I read the Finished Mystery because I wanted to see for myself what "light" we had in 1919 when we were supposedly selected by Jesus. Of course all we had was darkness! This led me into further research on our origins, tracing the Millerite and adventist movements and their influence on Russell etc.

    @Blondie - enjoy reading your posts

    @flipper - thanks, have certainly done that! As well as Bonnie's book.

    @fredpilltwice - like your username too. Love the matrix. I actually asked my brother would he like the blue pill or red pill to save if I could talk to him. At the moment he prefers to live in the Matrix, but I think he is curious.

    @giordano - thanks for your thoughts and perspectives, much appreciated

    @Still Totally ADD - yes, what took us so long! Just shows how effective indoctrination is if done from an early age

    @yoko N - thank you for sharing further afield, I hope it helps the Japanese brothers.

    @EdenOne - appreciate your thoughts

    @darknight757 - thank you, yes I will.

    @Gorbatchov - well done. I would like to go back and get the education I missed, but not sure I have the energy and drive to do it now, we'll see....

    @James Jack - I'm sure you will be hearing more from me on that front...

  • LongHairGal


    Very good and touching post. Best of luck.


    I like your story and you have a point there on how to view wasted time.

    Unlike you, I was not a born-in but came in as a young adult interested in end-time prophecy. Well...I walked into a Kingdom Hall and the rest is history. I spent almost 22 yrs there but I confess I was planning my "fade" the last six years I was there until I stopped cold turkey. The 1995 Generation teaching was the final straw.

    One of the first things I did was make peace with the idea of death and purge my brain of their cruel tease of paradise, everlasting life fantasy.

    I had so many regrets about my wasted time there. I spent the best-looking years of my life in that stupid place. Thankfully, I held onto my job. A wise person told me that I should view my years in the religion like I was in a bad marriage. I guess that's a way of looking at it.

    I like to tell myself that perhaps my stay in the JW religion protected me in some way. (Some may scoff.) And I did stop smoking.

    I'm retired now and have done a lot of thinking, looking at photo albums and thinking about my family, the passage of time and what I accomplished with my life. Some may see me as a failure, others a survivor. But, I'm at peace with myself.

    You are correct that we can never know what the outcome would have been if we took the other fork on life's road.

  • stuckinarut2

    Bumped for anyone who missed this the first time around.

  • S K Ditta
    S K Ditta

    You have patience, doubtful1799.

    Beautifully written; a journey for sure!

    I wish you well.

    We keep the peace by not discussing anything at all controversial.

    Words of wisdom, these.

    Don’t get me wrong, I have had a good life, but I could have done so much more with it if I had known the real truth. I could have been a real help to people, not just pseudo help.

    That is a beautiful sentiment, but your dissatisfaction might not be called for.

    One question: How do you think, your experience has affected your idea/expectations of "truth"? Please respond at your convenience.

    Thank you,

    S K Ditta.

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