My wife and I left in our mid twenties some 50 years ago ........we have been married for over 53 years. I tell people that she is the light of my eye.......... she introduces me as her current husband.
Here's my problem with Disassociating yourself. It's the same announcement made for pedophiles, fornicators, thieves, drunks, child abuser's etc. "1799 is no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses". You are not allowed the dignity of separating yourself from the congregation when you hand them your exit papers.
Being a man of principle your account of your reaction to the ARC and your fellow Elders and good old Geoff is more then a sufficient explanation for any Elder or CO who may visit. However as you well know it is better to refuse those visits. You can mention the under(at least for JW's) reported pedophile situation and not only how it affects the congregation but also the community you live in.
This gives your wife a dignified answer if she is asked why your not attending meetings etc.
Just fade, love your wife and be who you are which is apparently a decent honorable person. You really cared all of those years now you get to care about other things and people.
Some positive thoughts to consider: you have just gained and extra 30 to 40 hours a week! Do something with that amount of time. Start a new business or go back to school and work on getting a degree. Start a hobby. Take your wife on weekend trips. You have probably short changed your time together as a busy Elder.......... time to start making it up to her.
As a JW you probably enjoyed the social life it afforded you. A lot of folk's on this forum feel going friendless is difficult.
It is not all that difficult to rebuild a social life and develop new friendships.
All you have to do to get started is what you have done your entire life. Share a common interest with people who meet regularly. Use your people skills and ability to articulate an important position or to encourage your fellow volunteers and like a JW friendships will be made naturally.
Volunteering is an important part of real life. We don't have a paradise earth (built on the bones of billions of innocent people) but we can work to make this world a little better. That's what volunteer's try to do.
I started volunteering about 25 years ago.....volunteers just happen to be some of the most wonderful people you will ever meet and become friends with. They are passionate about the work they do......... up right, intelligent and compassionate.
The biggest problem for a JW who truly believes is that we were being prepared for a world that doesn't exist.