This is my story

by paradiseseeker 15 Replies latest jw experiences

  • paradiseseeker

    Hi there!

    I've already posted in this forum but I haven't told you my story. Here it is:

    Nowadays I'm a PIMO in my late 20s from Spain.

    I was born in the cult and I can say that during my whole childhood and most of my teenage years I believed in this. However, I felt that here was something wrong with me, as I wasn't comfortable telling people I was JW, talking about JW stuff, nor did I feel "excited" and "grateful" whenever a Watchtower publication told me that I should.

    As you can imagine, preaching was something that I hated from the bottom of my heart.

    I was baptised at the age of 14 and the first "shock" came when I was 16. I had finished secondary school (here in Spain it lasts 4 years, for 12 to 16 year-olds), my marks were excellent but I didn't know what to do next, and I was a bit tired of studying. Thus, following the recommendations of the DVD "What Will I Do with My Life?", I decided to annull my enrolment for Bachillerato (a 2 year preparatory course for university) and I began to work with my father in something related to construction with the hope of becoming regular pioneer when I hit 18.

    This lasted less than a year, but it was the most depressing and miserable period of my life: I hated my job, I was bad at it, I felt like scum. The comfort, self-worth and motivation that I once drew from studying were gone... And I didn't improve at all in my preaching, so knowing that I wasn't good enough at it made everything worse. As a result, the image of the pioneer full of happiness and holy spirit was shattered into pieces for me, and it was kinda shocking that I didn't become happy doing what the organization said. Thus, I decided to begin Bachillerato.

    After I began, I just 2 or 3 months I became the happiest person on earth: it was hard, but I was good at it and I loved the things I learned. My classmates were awesome, we all felt like a big family. Here started my first serious "Crisis of Conscience": I felt so comfortable with my "worldly" classmates that I started feeling angry with all the things the Org said about mixing with non-believers and so on.. and little by little I started to reject everything about the Org. I even come across some apostate material but I didn't take it too seriously (although it planted some little seeds). When the end of Bachillerato was getting closer, I realized that I had to decide: to begin a regular degree and eventually leaving the JWs, or to start an on-line degree and staying in. Back then, although I felt the aforementioned "anger", I wasn't mentally ready to leave and I wasn't even fully "awaken", as I still believed in the JW prophecies, so I chose the second option.

    During my degree years I lost contact with almost all my former classmates and met many new JW friends and thus I somehow "recovered" spiritually, although there were some things that I preferred not to investigate in much detail (evolution, the veracity of the Bible...) because I knew my JW arguments didn't stand a chance. I saw myself being a JW for the rest of my life, even though I was a bit atypical: I was very "rational", I listened to heavy metal, I loved spicy humour and swearing -with my friends-, and I admitted openly that there were many things I couldn't agree with like encouraging children to get baptised.

    Little by little these incongruities in my person became more and more difficult to bear and my former doubts began to flourish again and I started to question many other things (like the utopia of paradise, the poor arguments used in WT literature, the hypocrisy of inviting others to ours meetings but we are not allowed to attend theirs, the moral weakness of many JWs, the problem with the non-existing signs of "the last days", the authoritarian and cruel nature of disfellowshipping, the control that the organization would like to enforce on the information we take in...). Finally, one night during the summer of 2014 I reached this fatal conclusion with tears in my eyes: If I ever wanted to become a whole and consequent adult, I HAD to leave the JWs.

    From that date, my awakening process has progressed full speed ahead (607, evolution, Bible prophecies, the ARC...) and we can say that we have arrived to the point where I am now.

    I'm still living with my parents, as I'm still studying to pass some entrance exams to become an English teacher (my degree was English Literature) and thus economically independent. I hope to achieve this independence throughout this year and I hope to leave the JWs afterwards.

    It is going to be very hard, as I have my close family and some dearest friends within the cult, but I know it can't be otherwise, I don't want to live in an eternal contradiction.

    Thank you very much for reading my experience (sorry if this post is too long!)

    Any comment will be highly appreciated.


  • John Free
    John Free

    Thank you for your story Paradise seeker, and congratulations on waking up to the truth about the truth. I’m assuming you are still in your early 20s so you can build a good life for yourself and not waste anymore time on serving the washtowel than you have to. You have made some good life choices and responded well to the challenges associated with being raised in a manipulative, controlling, end of the world cult.

    welcome to the forum !

  • Giordano

    Thank you for sharing your story. Everyone on this forum is on a journey of one sort or another.

    How do you balance out your internal feelings about the 'truth' with your parent's version of it? Are they casual JWs and accept that you are not going to reach out for the so called privileges or do they or will they express concerns. Maybe even shunning you.

    As a JW do you try to keep your involvement to a minimum that area When my wife and I left in the mid 1960's they did not DF someone who disassociated. We still had family contacts and visits. But our uber JW Family members became more critical about our not believing.

    We moved away and made new friends and never answered any request to return to Jehovah.

    Nicely written as well.

  • paradiseseeker

    Thank you Giordano.

    Well, my mother is very devotee but since we have suffered a lot of bad experiences with authoritarian and hypocritical elders (my father was removed from being an elder and MS as a result of these intrigues) she doesn't expect anything related to privileges from me, just serving Jehovah. My father feels betrayed because of the intrigues I mentioned, but he still believes in this.

    It is going to be a great shock when I tell them that I leave... but I think that there's still a chance that we keep some contact (my sister is dfd and they do talk to her).

    Time will tell!

  • OnTheWayOut

    Bravo for choosing to wake up and not waste your time in the cult. I wish you the best success.
    It is possible that you just walk away from active JW to inactive JW. Perhaps (but not guaranteed) you will retain some contact with your JW family then. But no matter what, you are doing yourself a huge favor to follow your own path as you have laid it out.

  • LoisLane looking for Superman
    LoisLane looking for Superman

    So happy to read your story and that you have a positive outlook for your future.

    Who knows but that with your leaving the lies of WT, your mom might wake up too. I was devoted for too many decades until my daughter gently and kindly said, "Mom, I think you need to read this". This was a copy of Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz. As her mother, I felt I needed to know what she had read, seeing that this was a book not just frowned upon but forbidden by WT. I started reading on my computer at 5PM. After reading through the night, I was out of WT by 5AM the next morning.

    Please keep us informed with your progress in school and with your family.

    Wishing you every happiness.

  • LongHairGal


    Good story. I am happy for you that you have gotten an education and woke up to the reality about the JW religion at a young enough age. Others are not as fortunate in that regard. Best of luck to you.


    That was some marathon reading assignment!! That book Crisis of Conscience was a real eye-opener for me as well.

  • never a jw
    never a jw

    Escapar del culto es la mas dificil decision, pero tambien es la mejor. Enhorabuena hermano! Te felicito por tu valor para mantener tu integridad a pesar del precio tan alto que vas a pagar. Adelante, con la cabeza en alto y con la confianza de que has tomado la mejor decision hacia una vida mas feliz y satisfactoria

  • smiddy3

    Thanks for your post ps i wish you well on your journey out of bondage to the JW`s religion and the freedom to pursue a life you want for yourself.

    And not to be directed /influenced by a few men who don`t know you and who you don`t know personally who have set themselves up as Gods spokespersons for Jehovah`s Witnesses./IBSA .

    Take care

  • Xanthippe

    Paradiseseeker so good to read your success story. You have done so well getting your degree and now preparing to teach. My daughter got a bachelors and masters in English literature too and is currently working at a school as a teaching assistant to see if she wants to do teacher training.

    Wishing you well in your exams and as you begin your first teaching job. I'm sorry it's so hard losing family and friends as you leave this cult but you are a person who makes friends easily by the sound of it so you will be fine. Who knows if you leave one day your family and some of your JW friends may follow you.

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