I need help, I'm falling in love with a JW girl
So I met her at my last job that I worked & we started off as friends. I didn't know her faith at the time & I honestly couldn't have cared less, seeing as I'm agnostic. After about a year, I began developing emotions for her & sure enough, we ended up dating for a little while. I was her date to her senior prom & she was my first kiss. She broke it with me a short time after because she wanted to keep on with her faith. I let her go & I tried my hardest to cut her out of my life. I went two months without seeing or talking to her & I was so close to moving on, until I saw that she posted our prom pictures online. I sent her a message with intentions on ending our relationship once & for all, but nothing has ever gone the way I planned. Instead we started talking again & we became close friends. I messed up, & now I'm paying the consequences. I've thought about this every day & she's such a beautiful woman, I can never get her out of my mind. I want to spend the rest of my days with her but I know I can't & she knows it as well. I feel like the desire to pick up what we once had is there for the both of us. We flirt every now & then & hang out, we laugh, hold hands, give long hugs, & I'm falling in love with someone I can't have. I know there's a part of her that wants to try again because she constantly talks about the time when we did date. I'm scared of having this go too far, & I have honestly considered converting to be with her but I left the religion act behind me for a reason & I don't plan on ever returning. I do everything possible to try & move on, get her out of my head & tell myself to start dating other woman. I've signed up for online dating & have been talking to more females but at the end of the day everything leads back to her. What should I do? Please help me...
If you think converting to please her is a good idea, it's not.
The JW life is a commitment to more than just going to the meetings. You will be expected to give up so much of your previous life (bad, good, or relatively harmless) just to meet this crazy standard that the Org expects of its members.
Passion fades with time, what is left over better be built on honesty and truthfulness. Going through outward motions just to achieve her as a prize will make you happy for a little while, but eventually, you are going to need something more in your life than "faking it".
I need help, I'm falling in love with a JW girl
You`ll Need a Fish..And..
To Hit You With The Fish..
You've the second guy this week with this kind of situation. Although I doubt it will do any good, I am going to suggest you try harder to forget her.
This religion is not something you want to get involved in. It's a religion of guilt, guilt and more guilt. Your girl will always feel guilty for dating you. At the same time, there are far more women than men in the organization, so dating prospects are slim. She may weaken and take you back, but the likelihood of her dumping you again are great. If you have sex, she could be disfellowshipped and shunned if you are found out. If you get married the organization will be a third party to your marriage. Your children would not be allowed to celebrate Christmas, birthdays or Halloween. They will be raised to believe everybody but JW's will be destroyed soon at Armageddon, even them if they are bad. They will be discouraged from getting an education and will have the same pressures to conform and marry only within the religion.
If this does not discourage you, I would at least encourage you to research cults so you know what you are up against. Howcultswork.com is a good starting point, and to learn more about the religion, JWfacts.com
I want to spend the rest of my days with her but I know I can't & she knows it as well... I'm falling in love with someone I can't have
Please listen to yourself. Your head is recognizing things that the heart prefers to ignore.
Here are some things to consider:
- Witnesses are not supposed to date casually. Dating among Witnesses is for serious appraisal of a potential spouse, not mere socializing or enjoyable company. Dating is to be done in groups, not one on one, to avoid temptations of the flesh.
- Witnesses are pressured to marry young, especially the young ladies.
- Kingdom Halls have an unbalanced male-female ratio. It's a sad twist on Jan & Dean's hit, Surf City ("Two girls to every boy!") There are not enough single Brothers to go around, so the Sisters must compete for them...or...
- Young ladies who find no worhty prospects in the Kingdom Hall often drift away from the religion long enough to find and wed a Worldly (i.e. non-Witness) man. Then, after some time in the Kingdom Hall's penalty box (sitting in the back row, being ignored for the most part), they will earn reinstatement. After that, it is their duty to try to bring their Worldly Non-Believing Mate to the Kingdom Hall, out in the never-ending the door-to-door pamphlet distribution campaign, and into the baptismal pool.
Don't put yourself or her through anything you are not willing to commit to 100%, with eyes wide open to what may lay ahead.
Seriously, the only way you should be with this girl is if she figures out ON HER OWN that the religion is a dangerous mind control cult. She has to leave it one way or another.
If she doesn't wholeheartedly figure that out and leave, you will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS have turmoil with her going back to the JW's.
The fish and someone to hit you with it- that was about the best suggestion. Good luck putting this in your rear view mirror.
Can we not just set up a sticky for these posts?
It's getting rather repetitive.
Look at the multitude of other posts: I am in love with a JW girl. What should I do?
(One answer: Don't walk - f***ing RUN)
I feel bad for you but my advise also is to start thinking with the big head!
Realize this: you will not be marrying a normal woman. You will be marrying a cult personality who will always be looking for opportunities to promote the cult to you. By marrying her, you will, in a sense, enter the cult - whether or not you are an official member. The cult will dictate what she is like in bed. The cult will dictate what entertainment she can enjoy (be prepared to enjoy lots of entertainment alone (without her)). The cult will dictate how much free time she spends with you (not much). You will be continually harassed and nagged by the cult. The cult will be a wedge between you and her. You will never know true intimacy with her.