I need help, I'm falling in love with a JW girl

by nebula-- 17 Replies latest social relationships

  • Giordano

    The JW religion is the 800 pound gorilla on your back........ it is the rare relationship that can carry that weight.

    She would have to wake herself up to sever that connection.

    People do wake up........... we have JW's arriving here every day. Click on 'USERS' at the top of this page.

    And interesting to note most born-ins leave and stop identifying as JW's.

    Is she an independent JW......... one who can take it or leave it?

    Is she an independent thinker? Does she read to gain knowledge? Is she planning on higher education...does she want a meaningful career?

    Could she face the potential loss of her family and all of her JW friends?

    Being a JW in good standing means you accept this high control religion. Does she accept being under that control?

  • nugget

    This is a tough situation emotions ar involved and in reality this is a situation you cannot win.

    If you convert then for the rest of your life you will be controlled by a faith that limits life and involves itself in every aspect of your life. It does not hold back from telling you what is acceptable between husband and wife, how much contact you should have with non believers, what career you can have, what you should read, watch and listen to. You will be unable to celebrate normal life events and you will be distanced from every person who does not share your beliefs. All this for a woman who will be more loyal to the congregation than to you, someone who can only give you conditional love and who will walk away from the relationship if you no longer follow her beliefs.

    If you do not convert you will find that your relationship is constantly undermined by her faith. As you will be deemed a worldly person your opinion counts for little and the elders will have more influence over her than you will. It will not be an equal relationship. You will constantly be compromising for her faith as witnesses are taught that they must be loyal to Jehovah above personal relationships. Witness family life is disfunctional.

    She cannot invest as much in this relationship as you can. I would ask her if she intends to remain a witness and if she does then walk away. It will be painful but in the long term you have the opportunity to meet someone who can offer you a committed relationship. You cannot change her if this is what she wants.

  • Mandrake

    Mmmm... Time ago I was the boy in this religion and she was the girl out (she was *very* catholic)... We always hit the same wall... It was 3 torturous years of relationship, of being "friends" but at the same time given the I-will-love-you-forever-even-if-I-say-and-act-the-opposite-look. I never had the courage to confront my parents or to break this religion's system... She couldn't wait for me, my doubts, guilt, and existential trouble would not find a solution quick... That was until my family were shattered by my parents ugly divorce... I left the cult... Few months after I broke up with her I started dating other girl, that is my girlfriend to this date and now we have been *very* happy the last 3 years...

    What lessons did I learn?

    -We get used to that constant angst and turmoil derived from me being a JW and going against the stupid rules, I regret all the time wasted and constant delay of the conflict, there were 2 obvious conclusions, she will never leave the Catholic Church because they don't imposed her stupid rules and punishes, and that I was dominated by the cult induced fear and guilt

    -Maybe if a were a little braver things could have ended up different, even we could broke up anyway, but not from religious pressure

    -I will never forgive myself for listening others in what to do with *my life* (maybe she will regret too)

    -Our relationship would never work the way it was, she in a ever-waiting-for-me-to-leave-or-break-the-rules or me in a I-feel-guilt-for-leaving-my-whole-life-in-the-cult-and-family-behind

    -If my parents never divorced maybe I would still be in and alone

    So... My friend, chances for you two are very slim, but as you are in love I'm sure you will take the risk... You won't listen any counsel in the opposite direction, but at least learn from my experience and don't linger there, you may be trapped for life in a once-beautiful now toxic relationship. Sometimes I think that dumping me was good for me and my ex herself. You won't succeed while she's in that religion. It's been 3 years outside for me, and I'm still in the middle of the healing process from that dangerous cult.

    Well... What happened? I never talked to her anymore, then I left the cult, started a new relationship, we are happy now, I learned my lesson, behind is a past full of "maybe", and I'm trying to heal completely from my cult and toxic-relationship past. Anyhow I'm grateful of her, she was important in my life and in my way out.

    And remember that other religions may tolerate inter-religious couples, JWs don't!


  • Londo111

    I feel bad that I cannot tell you there is no good news here. The odds are very low that this relationship would work out. The cult is too toxic. Ultimately it would not make her a good girlfriend or wife for you, unless she fully woke up, and it is next to impossible for a person in this cult to wake up until they are ready.

    If you watch series on Hulu called the Path and follow Hawk’s storyline, I believe it would give up a good idea of what dating someone in a cult would mean for her and for you.

    It will not be what you want to hear, but the good news is you are young yet and once you get over her you’ll find plenty of better women out there who would make a happier relationship.

  • out4good4

    You need to look up the posts of a person who used to post here who went by the name SD-7.

    If you continue a relationship with this woman, you, my friend, are putting yourself front and center of a slow-motion train wreak.

  • Heaven

    Do you know what it means to be a JW? Do your research. Because that's what you're going to have to be in order to have this girl. If she says no you don't have to be, then be prepared to be hounded your entire life by her as well as others to join.

    No blood transfusions if your child is born a blue baby, or your wife is bleeding out in childbirth or any of you are in a bad car accident and need blood or you develop some condition that requires blood products.

    No Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Birthdays, Cinqo de Mayo, etc, etc.

    Spending most of your free time attending conventions, assemblies, meetings, and going door to door in field serve-us. They are discouraging 'the sisters' not to marry unless the men are a Ministerial Servant or an Elder so be prepared to reach for these 'privileges' (aka work more for them for free).

    Shunning disfellowshipped JWs including family and not having much to do with non-JW family.

    Unquestioning loyalty to an organization with a flawed set of doctrines.

    Have you researched the origins of the Bible? That might also be a wise idea.

  • Tameria2001

    I have one simple little three letter word to say to you......RUN.

    After the newness of the relationship wears off, and everyone settles into who they really are, it's not something you'll want to be around, much less any children the union might produce. They will be the real victims on being force fed JW doctrine. I had horrible night mares as a child, because of the crap they talk about at their meetings. I finally walked away when it affected my own son when he was little.

  • EndofMysteries

    On top of everything, if you have a close family she'll never join you for Christmas family gatherings, Thanksgiving dinners, trick or treat halloween, birthday parties if you had kids, etc. Family vacations may not be possible if she has to do "field service" etc. You'll either have to give those things up or go to them alone, etc.

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