I feel like such a fool!

by Swan 24 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Swan

    I feel like such a fool!

    I was spoofed this week by a 13-year-old girl. She approached me through Yahoo and led me to believe that I had finally made contact with one of my family. My hopes were so high that I was totally taken in. I wanted to believe so badly what this person said! She told me that my Aunt Clara wasn't dead after all. She told me that my family member was leaving the truth, or at least having doubts.

    She started opening up to me about having a double life and started talking to me about a history of having been a child abuse victim. I, in turn, started opening up to her about my child abuse issues. I told her a lot of very personal, painful information.

    All day long I waited for her Yahoo. I was so hungry for that family contact that was withheld for so long. I cried at night at pain that she had suffered, and grieved for the many years lost.

    It wasn't until the third day that I began to become suspicious that she was just mirroring what I said, reading between the lines of my responses, and filling the holes with what she thought I would like to hear.

    I began asking questions. They were evaded, or answered with a "dunno", when she should have known. I started talking about shared experiences, but mixed the details hoping that she would correct me. She didn't. I made statements to trip her up, but hoped it wouldn't. Finally she told me she wasn't my relative. She was a 13-year-old girl who was "just having some fun."

    She said she was sorry and that she didn't mean to hurt me.

    I told her what she had done was very hurtful. I told her that I had a very hard life and was raised in a religious cult. I told her what she did was abusive.

    She said she had a hard life too. Her parents had a divorce.

    I told her I was sorry for that, and that yes, that was painful too. It helped explain what she did, but it didn't excuse it.

    She said, "Well I said I was sorry. Won't you forgive me?"

    I told her that it wasn't my job to forgive her.

    She wanted to know if I would still be her friend.

    I told her that I didn't think I could, because she caused me a lot of pain.

    She told me I wasn't being very nice.

    I told her, oh yes, I was being nice. If I had been mean she would have known it (I held back the language that first came to mind; I went easy on her because of her age). One of the nicest things I could do for her is show her that some things in life have consequences.

    I put her on ignore.

    I cried again last night. My aunt is still dead. My family still won't talk to me. My hopes were lifted so high, and then dashed by a self-centered thirteen-year-old girl. She didn't care that she was chatting with a real live person with hopes and dreams and feelings. I was just a window on a computer screen to her.

    How much more stupider could I get? I am so gullible I could kick myself. I know better than to trust strangers on the Internet. Why didn't I grill her with questions right away to have her prove who she said she was? I was so taken in because I wanted to believe. Just like a cult member. I can't believe I behaved just like a dubby after all of these years.

    I am so disgusted with myself.


  • Elsewhere

    (((( Swan ))))

    I wonder if she was a JW... JWs have this thing about demanding forgiveness... like it is your duty to forgive them no matter what they do to you.

    They can keep doing whatever they want to... over and over and over... no matter how much it hurts you... and you are still required to forgive them.

  • Valis

    Swan...don't beat yourself up...kids can be mean and stupid sometimes...Hope you are doing OK...And the next time you need to talk about something let us know...we try our best not to disappoint.


    District Overbeer

  • SixofNine

    (((Swan)))) So sorry.

    She may, or may not have been 13. She may or may not be a she. It is manipulative scum, however.

  • JeffT

    (((Swan))) That is terrible. I can't believe even a stupid 13 year old could do something that viscious. You have my thoughts and prayers.

  • cruzanheart

    (((((Swan))))) I'm sorry that happened to you! Wish I could be there to give you a big hug.


  • Joyzabel


    so sorry for your pain. As soon as we open up we get kicked in the stomach all over again, it seems.

    Know that you are among friends here who care.



  • wednesday


    have u considered reporting this person? U have no way of knowing this is truly a 13 yr old. It may just be a nut case and u should report it and let the girls parents know what she is up to(if it is really a gril).They may continue to do this and hurt more people.


  • oldcrowwoman


    I am so sorry that you were put through all this. Makes me angry. And you know what Swan I probably bought into it myself. One hopes so badly for connection with family. And to compound the pain. It's unreal.

    I'm not sure I would handle it the way you did. i would probably blow the poor child out of the water. Thats if this person is a child? It was totally wrong!!

    Can I make you a cup of tea and have you seat in a rocking chair. to help soothe your pain. be gentle with yourself.


  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    ((((Swan))))....consider it "lesson learned" and don't continue to beat yourself up over it.....then, if there is a "next time" start with questions to verify first, cherie....sorry you went thru this, chica....at least when her actions catch up with her, she'll know why she deserves the pain they cause her....

    Frannie B

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