OK...So I'm a 19 year old FIFTH generation JW. Mentality, I've been out of the "Truth" since I was 16(woke up after I was baptized ironically), but on the outside I'm a model JW. My parents are really devoted, my grandparents are super devoted, and so are my ants and uncles. Also, me being the eldest cousin, I'm expected to be the spiritual example. I am living with my parents and grandmother, and I intend to fade out after college, however with all my family and friends pushing me to be somebody in the organization it is going to be extremely hard to walk away and disappoint them all. Anybody else having similar problems.
Anybody else having trouble walking away?
by JW-Matrix 17 Replies latest jw friends
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William Penwell
The bottom line is you have to do it for yourself, not for anyone else. If you are only going back to make other happy then you are not going back for the right reasons. I myself had to come with those terms years ago and I told my family that I would only go back because i want to not because they want me to. It is not easy to walk away when all your family is in but you are going through a time where you have to search within yourself and do what is right for you.
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HereIgo
Yes, I think almost all of us have felt what you are feeling. However, like William said, you have to do it for yourself, otherwise it wont work. You will end up feeling guilty and go right back to the org. You have to make sure you really research and if you do decide to leave the org, make sure that YOU are content with your decision. My advice to you, being that you are so young and still living with family, just play the game, continue going to meetings etc until you get to a place mentally and financially to where you can be on your own. Trying to leave the org while living with JW family will be 10 x harder and may put you in a really bad spot financially If they were to try to kick you out, etc. Wish you the best!
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Listener
JW Matrix, I bet you have some very interesting stories, there wouldn't be that many fifth generation JWs around. Sounds like you are expected to be a creature of habit without any thoughts of your own. Just think, your family line has been through dozens of doctrinal and procedural changes.
Are you an only child because you talk about being expected to be an example to your cousin's. I must admit, I've never heard of that one being used on a JW to guilt them.
You'll actually be setting a good example by breaking this chain of blind obedience to men.
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Village Idiot
...I intend to fade out after college...
If you're going to college it will consume more time than you will have for the meetings. Going to college should be the beginning of your fade not afterwards. You can always excuse yourself by saying that your studies are overwhelming you.
By the way, welcome to the forum.
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Dagney
Welcome to the forum JW-Matrix!
So to answer your question, yes we all have been faced with the same dilemma you are facing.
Bottom bottom line...you can't live a happy life when you are trying to please others, putting them above your own needs. That will not change. Not only that but you will be resentful later if you give in to the ideas and pressure of others, when it is not what you want to do.
Disappointment comes with the territory. BUT...the stronger and more confident you are in whatever you do will keep them in their place. Remember they want the best for you from their standpoint, from what they know. But if being a JW is not right for you, you will never be happy/content leading a double life. If you commit to fulltime service, or being an MS or Bethelite...it will be so much harder to leave. Life is really too short, and life is meant to be lived. Have fun in college. Go and do and be the person you are meant to be.
I wish you strength for the journey.
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LisaRose
This is something I learned the hard way: You can't live your life doing something that is not you because you are afraid of letting others down. I tried that and it didn't make them happy, because I could never be the kind of JW they wanted me to be, and it made me miserable, because I was still living a lie.
Live your life. People will be disappointed, but they will adjust.
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OnTheWayOut
I have completely different circumstances, and I faded quickly. But I get why people are reluctant, are cautious. They have so many family they feel they will let down, lose contact with.
But if you let time slip away, it's totally lost time. I think the best way to go about fading is to set goals. You live at home, so goals right now are going to have to be small. But you could certainly still work towards reducing your time spent in the Kingdom Hall- goals include arriving later, leaving the hall earlier after the meeting, getting out of the "recruiting" work as much as possible, ditching as many "privileges" as possible.
College can help you reduce meeting attendance. If you still live at home then, maybe not. But get steady goals for that in mind for when you no longer live at home.
You are already baptized. But don't let them ever get you to pioneer, even for a month. If you are a male, try to avoid further privileges in the hall. Definitely try to keep your future free by not dating a JW. -
OneGenTwoGroups
Year number six of non-belief starts for me in about 4 weeks. I still make most meetings and even make a showing in FS about once per month.
So, yes, due to circumstances, I can relate.
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James Mixon
Stop the bleeding, you are 19 and some day you will get married. Do you really want your kids raised in that organization. Make a stand and look to the future, it has turned out well for many here..There is no easy way to leave, especially in your case (5th generation)...It will be difficult in your situation I must say, but isn't happiness the most important thing in life. And welcome!!!!