Please help

by Dano3456 52 Replies latest jw friends

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut
    I just need to figure this out and I appreciate all the advice

    Yep...this doesn't sound like and emergency by any means but obviously something is going on that triggered you to make your original post asking for our help. It's good that you are paying attention to your inner voice because on some level you already knew what everyone has told you. Don't ignore your inner voice. Proceed with the friendship if you choose . To be forewarned is to be forearmed. From this point forward, you'll have a larger view of what may be going on and can then act accordingly, if need be.

    The occasional gentle hint here and there may be all that's needed in this case.

    You: (smiling) I couldn't believe it...the other day 5 year old Bobby asked me who made the world. I was surprised that he's thinking about things like that already and I'm glad he mentioned it to me.

    JW: Why's that?

    You: Children can sometimes get the wrong idea or be frightened when they're exposed to things they're not ready to understand yet. I think big picture topics like that should be addressed on a need to know basis and it's best coming from the Childs parent. I'm sure you probably felt the same way when you were raising your kids.

  • caves

    When I was a jw, my ex wife and I would take the neighbors kids to the jw meetings with us. In my mind I was hoping the parents would join eventually. One of the parents did go with us and immediately said after it was over that "this was some brainwashing bullshit, I don't want my child going here". They actually stopped talking to us. And thank goodness for them doing that. I would have hated to have gotten them in that mess.

    I'm not sure what to do in your case. Except make sure your children are safe. Ask them ( your kids) questions about their visits. It doesn't sound like you want the friendship to end. So just stay aware and keep an eye on your little ones. Set boundaries if you haven't. If you do set a few boundaries, don't be surprised if they are violated. Jws do that in regards their 'spiritual superiority complex '. They feel entitled to do this because they believe that they have the only true religion and everyone else will be destroyed.

    You said it was a lot to process. I bet. It seems it would behoove you to process and research.

  • Giordano

    There are a fair number of 'casual' JW's. They miss meetings on occasion....... fib about the time they have spent going door to door. Giving gifts to the children like after Christmas is over..... same for birthdays.

    There is a term for this type of witness they are called 'bystander witnesses'. They see what's going on but they don't want to really get involved.

    Then we have PIMO's Physically participating In the religion by going to meetings but mentally out.

    Is your friend an Elder in the congregation? Or a ministerial servant? Does the wife pioneer? Seventy -five hours a month in service.

    Dano maybe this family are casual JWs. Who bend the rules because they can.

    But even if so.........something is off.

    I think most of us are concerned with exposing your kids to their religion. Planting seeds in young minds.

    We have all met the different personalities of people who are sure they and only they have the truth. They can be liars, dominant, narcissistic, pedophiles...... abusive parents, prone to shunning children who want a different life.

    How does your wife feel about this? Sometimes one's mate or the other may not really like or trust a so called 'close' friend.

    The exposure to meetings or a bible study for your children exposes the children to a distortion in how they are viewing the world.

    I think you need to reel this relation in by setting up boundaries.

  • smiddy3

    What you need to do is give them a simple test for your own peace of mind without telling them of course and nothing intrusive or violating their privacy .

    You have said that they have taken your kids to the meetings ?was that with your consent or without it ?

    Do they have kids ? I dont think you have said they do.If they do say that you want to take them to a church of your choice just so they can see the difference in how people worship a God.

    If they don`t have children do much of the same thing as regards your own children ,say to these people that you are going to take them to another church so that they can see the difference in how people worship a God.

    You don`t actually have to do tat just make them believe that is your intention so that they get a balanced point of view.

    And see what sort of a reaction you get from them , my bet it would be a negative reaction to whatever church you suggest ,try a couple if you want ,and a positive reaction to their church,KH

    Red flags should spring up immediately.

  • Dano3456

    So the family is a coworker in her thirties, her sister in her thirties and their mom and dad. One sister moved out after she got married and the other sister and her husband lives with the parents. They have treated us and our kids very well for a long time. My 5 year old is really smart and she would tell me if something was strange. If she ever says anything that alarms me I will have them stop taking her. She only goes with them a few times a year. But I am prepared to stop it if I hear anything alarming.

  • LoveUniHateExams

    My question is, do you think they want to convert my children? - JW want to convert anyone.

    Their 'central administration' - the Governing Body - commands them to do exactly that.

    It isn't harmless.

    Whatever you do, don't let your kids go to JW meetings or have a bible study.

    Edit: as others have pointed out, the religion has a paedophile problem, so it may be best not to let your kids stay at a JW home.

    The religion requires at least two witnesses (not the religious kind, here I mean 'observers') to acts and allegations of child abuse. Obviously, child sex abusers tend not to want an audience. This means that there are many instances of child abuse that has essentially been covered up. This further possibly means that paedophiles thrive in the group, with the religion possibly becoming a magnet for sex offenders.

  • LoveUniHateExams

    The following is a clip from the Australian Royal Commission into child abuse in religious organisations.

    The State Counsel, Angus Stewart, is questioning a JW elder called Kevin Bowditch.

    Please take the time to watch this clip.

    Stewart is talking about a JW person disfellowshipped for child abuse that can go on to harm non-JW children because the JWs just disfellowship (= excommunicate) the child abuser - no warnings are given to the wider community. This means a paedophile whose only crime is abuse of JW children can move on to kids in the wider community, with no warnings given to parents like you.

    Also, if no other people witnessed the child abuse (paedophiles typically abuse children in secret), then JWs do everything in their power to make difficult the lives of the investigating police.

    If you need anything explaining, either myself or other posters can help.

  • carla

    Please protect these innocent children from this insidious cult, it's your job.

    Look at all the heartache onl the ex jw boards and you will learn why. You need to protect the children's physical/sexual, spiritual and emotional well being. All of which could very well be compromised by being left alone with a jw.

    If you want to keep these people in your life then never, ever leave them alone with the little ones. If you go into one room for something make sure someone else is there to monitor them. jw's have a thing called theocratic warfare, basically they are allowed and encouraged to lie to you (a non jw) because you are not really worthy of truth to begin with. They will try to indoctrinate the kids any time they can, bits and pieces here and there if need be.

    You said, "My 5 year old is really smart and she would tell me if something was strange"- how would a 5 yr old know what is 'strange'? what is the world experience at 5? is shunning strange? is someone touching my bottom strange while they smile and tell me god likes it? is it strange to..... you get the idea. Adults don't even know when they are being indoctrinated how would a 5 yr old?

    Do not believe them if they tell you they would not try to influence your minor children and they respect that blah, blah, blah. It is lies. I know from personal experience how far a jw will go to get a minor child in their grasp, in my case it was mentally & spiritually. We couldn't leave the jw alone with one particular child due to his incessant preaching at said child.

  • recovering

    Something is amiss with this tale. Why would you take a chance with your children. You have been warned about pedophilia in this organization. For me that is enough for me to keep my distance

  • LauraV

    Dano - this is the perfect scenario, they are taking your kids to the meetings, so say one weekend that you would like to take their kids along to a Mass or some religious service every now and then they take your kids to the KH. THe majority of JWs would pop into their pompous mode and say my child is not to attend any religious meeting unless it's at the KH.

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