Shunning Hath Begunith

by Solzhenitsyn 23 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • eyeuse2badub

    The 'death of a relationship' is much like the death of a person. So, there will be a period of mourning but there is also the resiliency of the human spirit that allows us to heal and move on. Conditional 'love' from our own parents is truly devastating and we all hurt for you. Like many of us here however, one day you and your wife will look back and see how liberating your decision was and hopefully, if you have children of your own, you can show true, unconditional love to them.

    just saying!

  • tiki

    Why oh why do they have to be so hateful.....rhetorical question. Wish her peace and healing...find new activities, friends....distractions from the pain. Take a fun vacation..see new things, experience new adventures....

  • Giordano

    You start as a couple who no longer wanted to be involved with the JW's. There will be no arguing with her parents, other family still in and those wonderful long term friendships that were conditional.

    To get some clarity......... suppose your wife needed an immediate blood transfusion to save her life. Maybe a car accident or some other life threatening situation.......god forbid. Your doctors spell it out for you that they can't operate without blood as she has lost a lot.

    Those same parents rush to the hospital and what happens when they see that you have both agreed to a blood transfusion. You'd get the same reaction.

    Count your comes first. The good news is you didn't have to find out that your in laws are idiots caught up in the grip of the ignorant WTBTS.

    Let's talk about something more pleasant. As soon as the dust has settled and the silence of absent JW friends is loud and clear........ it's time to start with a few changes. First off, as mentioned, you and the wife need to be a team. You are going to gain 20 to 30 hours each a you stop all jw activities. You could easily start a business with that time, go back to school if need be. It's all out there for you.

    But you are going to need to meet people. How? Some join a different religion just for the community. Probably the last thing you need at this point.

    But now that you have become 'worldly' people you need to start thinking what you can contribute to make this world a little better.

    So my advice is to look into becoming a volunteer for something worth while. I have done volunteer work for some twenty years. You meet the very best people when you meet with other volunteers. In every community there are volunteer groups. Heck that's what I am doing on this forum....lending a helping hand. You can do it here as well as spending time with people who share an interest, It's pretty much the same as being a member of a congregation......volunteers meet on a regular basis, everyone is committed to do good work....these are responsible people where a friendship can grow organically.

    It usually starts with 'hey let's grab a cup of coffee and continue our discussion'.

    That's the world for you........ plenty of good responsible people in it.

  • new boy
    new boy

    How many times has this sad story been told? I truly had what this organization has done to the thousands of families all over this world.

  • joe134cd

    It’s never a good idea to be honest and up front with the JWs if you are wanting to retain some kind of family relationship. The 2 just don’t go hand in hand.

  • Tenacious

    My heart goes out to you and your wife. The evilness taught knows no bounds. I always find it fascinating when zealous witnesses say things like "return to jehovah." When a teaching needs revision, they are led by fallible or imperfect men. However, when they uphold their [current] teachings they claim it's God that directs them! I've always said that a zealous witness would make for a fascinating psychological case study.

    There's two scriptures that hold true to me to this day:

    "Peter began to say to him, “Look, we have left everything and followed you.” 29 Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields, for my sake and for the sake of the good news, 30 who will not receive a hundredfold now in this age—houses, brothers and sisters, mothers and children, and fields, with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life."

    Mark 10:28-30

    "Yet whatever gains I had, these I have come to regard as loss because of Christ. 8 More than that, I regard everything as loss because of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things, and I regard them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but one that comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God based on faith."

    Philippians 3:7-9

  • AnonVet

    Join and find new friends. It has helped my spouse and I transition out of that old JW life. And, honestly, the new friends are so much more fun and supportive.

  • tosca

    Such a sad experience for your wife when she seems the kind of person anyone would be proud to have as a daughter, no matter her beliefs. There doesn`t appear to be any consistency in the treatment we receive when we leave. My son and his wife, who are completely "out and awake", are welcomed to the home of her parents, who are prominent JW`s, whilst all my family completely shun us, We expected some reaction after 60 years zealous service but not to be totally shunned. Hopefully her family will come to realise the hurt they have caused, much love to you both.

  • ToesUp

    "There doesn`t appear to be any consistency in the treatment we receive when we leave."

    Great point. We have family that still speaks to us. We have been 100% honest with them ALL. We basically DA'd ourselves verbally.

    It depends on the circumstances. Some family relies heavily on my spouse and I. My spouse is very handy on fixing things and smart as far as business. They come to him often to solve their "issues." lol Maybe they realize they would loose that source if they shun us.

    Some other family members seem to want NOTHING to do with us.

    Like tosca said "no consistency."

  • dubstepped

    I'd say that shunning is pretty consistent, though nothing is 100%, and should always be expected. It's the rules for good JWs and is the baseline. Anything you receive beyond that is weakness in your JW relatives where their humanity hasn't been quite squashed out yet. It is both good and bad. Often JWs that make their own rules are more permissive but that also makes it all more bearable for them. Those that are more all or nothing tend to go more toward the nothing side if they can't do it all. But shunning is what they are supposed to do. The inconsistency comes from individuals doing their own thing despite the cult, but that still seems like the minority overall.

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