What do I do ?

by jdash 28 Replies latest jw experiences

  • moreconfusedthanever

    Hang in there. Don't make more stress and trouble for yourself than necessary.

    Take the time to plan your exit and future path.

    If you want to keep your friends in your life do not disassociate. Just slowly fade out.

  • jdash

    Thank you guys a lot for the help so far. I basically can get on this site whenever, no restrictions. They have recently took my phone, so that's a minus. I'm on punishment from my playstation 4 so yeah there's that. I only have my school laptop.

    I'm a junior in highschool. My grandfather is an elder in the congregation, but he isn't really strict like most elders. I can do stuff and get away with it and he wouldn't care. My grandmother is like very strict, and even if I have a lot of hw she will make me go to the meeting and stay up till like 12 to do it, rather than just missing the meeting. They told me that if I disassociate myself, then my grandfather will lose his position as an elder.

  • Searril

    Don't send a letter of disassociation. Nothing good can come from that.

    Spend the next year of your life getting things in order. Definitely talk to your counselor/academic advisor and lay the ground rules with them that it needs to be confidential, then explain your situation. Work on getting financial assistance for college. Concentrate on your grades and DO NOT neglect making plans for college.

    I can't stress this enough. Do not listen to any Watchtower idiocy about how getting your education is wrong. Just do it.

    I know it's easier said than done. I was kicked out of home at 16 years old by my dub parents. Spend time now setting the groundwork for the rest of your life.

    Do the absolute bare minimum you have to do to get by with your relatives who are still captives of the religion. You will hear complaints about not being super motivated in the religion. Stay the course, keeping your eyes focused on your real future, not the Watchtower's made-up fantasy.

  • OnTheWayOut

    If you are a junior, you have this entire year and half of 2019 in high school. You need a stable home environment for the next 18 months. You might really need to move slowly on the disassociation thing. Life at home as a JW might be miserable, but life at home as a DA'ed JW could be worse than barely doing the minimum. I know that, to a seventeen year old, that seems like "forever" but it really isn't that long.

    And I know it's tough to have all kinds of people in your life who are JW's and contemplate losing their friendship/contact. Before such a thing happens, you have to have a chance to develop outside friends. If you think 18 months of pretending is long, it is going to seem like an eternity if you are severely restricted all the time and have nobody talking to you among the people you are allowed to be around.

    This is the link to the 4th Annual Midwest Apostafest- a gathering near Indianapolis in the summer of 2017:

  • mentalclarity

    Welcome! There's a lot of great advice on here already. I'd definitely talk to a guidance counselor at school to get info on how to get funding for college (FAFSA/work-study/scholarships/etc) It's totally doable on your own. I work at a college and part of the perks is that they paid my tuition for classes - where there is a will, there is a way!

    Since you're not 18 yet, I'd sit tight and do the bare minimum...but in the meantime start gathering info on college and start creating a network of non-jw friends for support. Find possible roommates (it's expensive to pay for everything on your own). Plan your exit! Personally, I preferred to fade and I have some contact with family still which would have been impossible if I'd disassociated. .

  • LisaRose

    I vote for hanging in there until you are 18. Nothing good can come of disassociating in your particular circumstances. Start making friends outside the organization if possible so when you do make a break you have something. Start planning for how you will pay for college, see a school counselor who can advise you what financial aid may be possible. Usually local community colleges for the first two years are the cheapest way to go, but even that will be a stretch if you are kicked out and have to live in your own. My grandson faced some of these issues, he wanted an expensive private college which no one was willing to pay for. He chose to join the Air Force, four years in he is getting out soon and has money for college, some credits, some useful job skills and much needed maturity and can now go to his choice of school.

    Be grateful for your grand parents, even if they are in a cult, they at least care about you and put a roof over your head and gave you some stability when you needed it. If you handle it right they might eventually accept your decision to leave, who knows?

    Being free mentally from this horrid religion is a great start, you can do anything you want in life. Good luck!

  • LoveUniHateExams

    What should I do? Should I submit a resignation letter, or just wait it out until 18?

    Hi Jdash and welcome to the forum.

    I think you should sort out what you want to do with your life, especially in terms of education, career and employment.

    Go to uni/college if you can, or pursue sports, music, the arts ... whatever you're interested in.

    There's nothing wrong with going along with the religion (but fading a little) until you know what you want to do with your life.

    I haven't had time to read through this thread but I'm sure you'll get good advice.

    Good luck and I hope that you keep in contact with us.


  • DesirousOfChange

    Wow! You have gotten some great advice here! Everyone here has had the similar experience with awakening to TTATT. Anyone that didn't awaken until much older (like me) thinks it is exciting to see younger ones exit with most of their lives still ahead of them.

    Don't DA. -- There is NO advantage for you. It will just make things more difficult. You think it's tough going to those meetings and faking it. It's just as bad or worse going to a shitty deadend job everyday that doesn't pay you enough to live comfortably and where some @$$hole is cracking the whip for 8 hours a day and nothing you do is ever appreciated. (Yeah, it's kinda like being a JW.) Right now, you may not believe what's been said here, but you really have it "easy" in your current situation compared to where you could be. Suck it up -- and fake it for a while.

    Talk to a school counselor! At 17 you should already have plans for your future. Here, in this State, if your grades are good, Community College or Junior College is free. (Find out what Indiana offers.) Even if your grades don't qualify you for that, or your State does not have similar benefits, the IRS gives parents, grandparents, or guardians (whoever claims you as a dependent on their taxes) $-for-$ credit for tuition for your first 2 years of Comm College. Talk to them about it. It doesn't sound like your dad is too "gung-ho" on the religion. And, it sounds like your grandfather is reasonable. Surely they want you to succeed in life! If any of them will agree to help you go to Comm College (you should be able to live at home and commute), when they pay your tuition, it's the same as sending money to the IRS for their taxes! DUH! Wouldn't they rather help you than pay taxes??? Sure, you'll probably have to continue to "fake it" at the Kingdumb Hell while your living at home, but I don't think you're prepared to live on your own just yet.

    Make worldly friends! Make friends at school or at work (get a part time job so you have spending money, maybe for a car, insurance, etc). Even fast food places are paying $10/hr in some places. And, don't blow all your earnings! SAVE! SAVE! SAVE!

    Do not speak badly of the Borganization! This will only cause you trouble. Learn to be the "zombie". I'll guarantee you there are others in the Cong doing just that. That's why they look like zombies.

    Never share TTATT with others! You cannot awaken others by speaking badly of the Borg to them. Their brain will shut down. They have to find it out on their own. However, you can sometime help them by asking "sincere" questions about issues that trouble you or that you don't understand. Then STFU and let them research the answers. They have to discover it themselves. The only possible way to share negative things is to say that you were "witnessing" to someone at work or school and THEY showed your this or THEY told you that, and be concerned about how you can reply and give them a good "witness" and refute THEIR accusation.

    Be balanced in living your life. This is one thing the JWs have right (IMO). Be moderate in all things. Don't go ape-shit crazy with booze, or experimenting with drugs, or with sex. All these things will get you DFd (or even arrested), which puts you into a more disadvantaged situation.

    If you're going to experiment with "sowing your oats" (I was once 17, though that seems about 100 years ago), don't let it get you into trouble. Don't mess around with a JW girl that will feel guilty and confess. Wear a condom! Nothing will f*ck up your life worse than an unwanted baby! (If you're gay, keep it on the DL until you're on your own.)

    Clear your computer history! Don't get caught on apostate sites or chatting with us!

    Check in here and let us know how things are going!

    Good luck!


  • steve2

    DoC provides a thoughtful and really helpful reply to your question.

    To that I would add this "rule": Until you can pay your own way, do not open up to anyone in the organization about your misgivings and doubts.

  • VIII

    Hi Jdash, welcome!

    DesirousofChange gave you G-R-E-A-T advice.

    I was baptized when I was 12-all my family was in. Parents were divorced and Dad was DFd for smoking, sister DFd for fornication, Mom was DFd for fornication. Mom was reinstated. She's still in...40+ years later!!

    I faded when I started college. Community college. I used the excuse of not going out in Field Service (FS) that I had homework. What was more important? My getting good grades or a few less hours in FS? My Mom decided that my getting good grades was critical to lifelong success.

    I also worked because I was paying for my college. I had student loans and I thought I had to pay them immediately...D'oh! Anyway, it also provided cover for a good fade. Work, homework and I had meetings and FS covered.

    Think hard about college or Vo-Tech. Whatever you do, get an education. They can't take that away from you.

    Never send a letter and never meet with them to tell them what you are doing. They will want to bully you, guilt you and frighten you into staying. What kind of "loving" organization does that? None, they are a cult by definition. Scientologists are just as bad. Ask Lea Remini.

    My Mom and family still talk to me because my response to JW questions is "Mmmm" or "huh" or a grunt. I never agree or disagree. I find an excuse to get off the phone. Learn to bite your tongue and you'll have a relationship with the family....if you want one.

    Good luck!

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