What do I do ?

by jdash 28 Replies latest jw experiences

  • jdash

    Hey guys, this is my first time posting on here but lets get started.

    So I'm a 17 year old boy who currently attends meetings at a congregation in Indianapolis. I live with my grandparents, on my father's side, because my mother died in 2010. I been attending meetings since I was 10. My mother got into the religion but then got disfellowshiped. My dad is on and off, he currently just got reinstated. I got baptized around april 2017. I had a part on an assembly in september 2017 , i think. I auxiliary pioneered in the summer for 2 months.

    But I been going through some things. I have friends in the religion that i enjoy having. I have a close friend that was in Bethel for a few years, and I'm sure he would want me to keep on in the religion. But the past few months been hard. My brother got disfellowshipped because of his wrongdoing, and he is the one that helped to see the real truth about the religion. There is so many things that I disagree on or don't understand.

    The disfellowshipping arrangement is something I don't agree on. To me personally, it's not loving. I don't understand why the religion has stocks or whatnot in a company that creates ballistic missiles, which is raytheon. Or why they have stocks period, because isn't that gambling, in a sense? Why can't the children participate on a school sports team, the only explanation I could get is because it takes away from studying and whatnot. I feel the religion is controlling, and only brainwashes people. The list goes on and on.

    I kind of want to submit a letter of resignation at the age of 17 because I honestly dislike the religion. I only have 11 more months until i'm 18. But I don't feel like going out in service, but i'm forced because i'm a "minor". I don't know what to do. After high school I plan on attending college, but my grandparents won't help fund me. There's somethings I believe in the religion but a lot of it I don't.

    What should I do? Should I submit a resignation letter, or just wait it out until 18?

  • days of future passed
    days of future passed

    Hi. There are pros and cons for both ideas. If you will be kicked out of the house and don't have a way to support yourself or a place to live, then I would wait on the resignation letter until you do. Do you know what kind of response your family will have?

    It's good to think about it carefully. There are others on this forum that will have some good suggestions.

    Take care.

  • jdash
    Do you know what kind of response your family will have?

    My family wants me to stay until i'm 18 because it's the law, whether i serve or do the bare minimum.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Then maybe consider doing the bare minimum. Don't resign and say you will get "some" recruiting work in- an hour a month of not really trying.

    That just works for 11 months. You need to plan long term. Are you graduating high school this year? What next? You can go for scholarships, but you need a place to live.

    Also, there is a great picnic just south of Indianapolis in August. I will link you to it on a post soon.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    You indicate that you are forced into going in service because you are a minor yet you feel it would be possible at this time for you to send in a disassociation/resignation letter. If it's possible for you to formally resign, why wouldn't it be possible for you to fade out and eventually stop going in service and to meetings without having to send in a letter and risk losing your friends and family members?

  • Crazyguy

    If I were you I would plan your life and get an education then a job then move away. Fake it for now and then just fade away. Most JWs that leave do this and can have a somewhat of normal life especially if your away from JW family. Until your established enough to be on your own and don’t need their help just go through the motions and keep quiet.

    When older and no longer need them you can be a little vocal if asked why you no longer attend. Just be careful what you say and how you say it.

  • berrygerry

    Talk to your school counselor.

    Look for ideas for college funding.

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    Your parents know that they are legally responsible for your actions until you are 18 and are requiring you do as they say. That is your job for the next 11 months, to obey their rules. Even though your heart is not in it you need to provide the minimum of JWing while home. Sucks I know but its how it is. You can occupy yourself with games on the pad you use and kill the time. Service? Just let it roll and do a little.

    Make friends at school and do involve a counselor so long as they will respect your privacy. You may not need a verbal advocate yet, just a listening ear.

    All the best.

  • pale.emperor

    First of all, congrats on discovering all this at 17yo and not 31yo like me, or even much older like some of us on here :)

    Secondly, you having continued association with your mother and/or brother wont result in you being disfellowshipped so please carry as normal with them. Your brother in particular will be a good help to you. I myself have helped my younger brother out of the cult only recently. If you haven't already, download yourself a copy of Shepherd The Flock Of God (the elders guidebook that they keep secret from the congregation). A simple google search will bring it up. Or PM me and i'll email you a copy. It's definitely worthwhile knowing their rules and tactics they use to try and disfellowship people.

    I understand that your position in that your grandparents will want you to attend meetings. I'd say continue going until you're 18 but do the bare minimum. No answering up or anything. Same with ministry, if you can avoid it - do.

    Lastly, most of us on here have downloaded and read the book written by ex-Governing Body member Ray Franz called Crises Of Conscience. Do yourself a favor and read that, it'll open your eyes. Again, a simple google search will bring it up or you can PM me for it.

    Please post back on this forum and let us know how you're getting on. This forum can be a real lifeline and we have ex-elders, bethelites and CO's on here that can help you.

  • Half banana
    Half banana

    Welcome to the site Jdash!

    I echo Pale Emperor's thoughts that it's great that you have woken up at a young age. Well done!

    The practical things about leaving the cult are a bit more problematical but will only last for a short while. Can you simply lie low and do the absolute minimum before you leave home and avoid preaching. Really--how can anyone be forced to preach something they don't believe in?

    Are your grandparents reasoning people or just dyed in the wool JWs? Could you perhaps agree to just go to one meeting a week for their sake? But don't get involved in doctrine or say anything against the JW org; it will only get you disfellowshipped. Whatever you do prepare for college and try and get a part time job to support yourself. College education, especially in the humanities, is the antidote to JW fantasies and eventually whatever you study, it will prove be a sound investment to pay you your living expenses in the future!

    Friends are very important, make friends with sensible non JWs whose company will further your college interests.

    And do keep in touch with us.

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