First time here
I can relate to your pain. I first married 3 days before turning 19. Four years later, I was hoping to get hit by a truck so that I wouldn't be stuck in that horrid marriage. Got involved with someone I knew from childhood and left my marriage...best thing ever...didn't stay with that guy though, we both knew it wasn't permanent. It is encouraging that your parents still talk to you. It can be lonely when you are first DF'd, but you are still young and have the ability to make friends outside of the reach of the organization. Friends who won't base their friendship with you on how many hours you get in Field Service, but rather people who like you for you. Try to make new friends, make overtures to people at work, ask them for coffee, go to gatherings, museums, events. Paint on a smile even if you are miserable, there is some proof that your mood follows your facial expressions. (See the book 'Blink', it has interesting discussions on this).
Wishing you the very best.
I was df'd 18 years ago and I still have pain because of it. Life is good though, so don't despair. You will feel better as time passes.
Welcome, come and vent all you want... This is the place. Take it slow. Read a lot... Theres many people here that are or were where you are right now.
Welcome Barely , as everyone says stick around . it will help to have somewhere that you can just be yourself . You can vent here quite safely . It is disgusting the way people are treated by the org , especially women . can I ask what happened to the man with whom you were involved ?
I'm going to quess that he is still in the org.
Welcome BarelyThere. I hope you can find comfort/companionship here via the freedom to discuss anything you feel like talking about - unlike the situation within the "spiritual paradise!"
Welcome Barely There. Many of us have been in similar situations. There is life--a good life--to be had on the outside whether it includes JW family and friends or not.
Make some new friends. Get some counseling. Exercise to get the endorphins flowing. Find or revisit a hobby you love. Pamper yourself without the guilt. Do a little research on healing (Healing Handbook might be a good place to start). Come here to vent or find solace. You are not alone and that should be your mantra.
BARELY THERE- A warm welcome to you from me and my wife. I was in a DFed state for 4 years one time and I found that once I got reinstated it wasn't all wine and roses at all. People still didn't invite me or my teenage kids over for dinner and would only associate with me at the kingdom hall until I " proved " myself again. Sometimes it's not worth the hassle to be abused and looked down on. I thought to myself - " I stayed out for 4 years and worked hard to come back to this treatment " ? Then I quit attending meetings for good after being reinstated for a year. As you mentioned I started seeing the hypocrisy big time.
Please know and be assured that we offer our friendship and support to you here and we understand what you are experiencing. Hang in there, it's a challenging thing but know that you aren't alone we are here for you if you ever want to talk with any of us- O.K. ? Take care, Peace out, Mr. Flipper