First time here

by BarelyThere 36 Replies latest jw experiences

  • redpilltwice

    BarelyThere, welcome & good to have you here! I've only been here since last week, but this forum really is like therapy, I dared to express myself, shared some things, and love and understanding was what I found. I'm convinced there is a voice and compassionate ear for every situation/experience imaginable here...

  • 2+2=5

    Hi and welcome.

    I think Cofty, Landy and Nathan gave good advice.

    There is no Armageddon coming to destroy all the non- JWs.

    There is a birth and there is a death, between is life. You should try to enjoy it.

    There will be many on this site who can relate to your situation.

    In very similar ways, many of those who have left high-control cultish style groups will also relate to your experience. Mmmm interesting.....

  • Xanthippe
    Hi BarelyThere, good to know you've seen through that crazy religion. Don't worry about uncertainty, life is uncertain but you will be fine. Just believe in yourself. You are intelligent, well educated and you have a good job. Well done. Just chill and take a day at a time. 🌷🌷🌷
  • Saintbertholdt

    Everybody has already said everything good and relevant.

    So hey there, welcome.

  • Saintbertholdt

    Le double post. Je suis désolé.

  • Alive!

    I liked Cofty's thoughts - wise advice.

    You probably can't help thinking over the big questions, it's a rare situation where someone can just switch off from believing to 'what now?' as it affects every aspect of our life and importantly, from a mental health aspect, it feels like a lost place as we try to grapple with feeling safe in our own identity.

    And add to that the psychological trauma of being shunned by our own.

    Nothing can fast forward you out of your current pain - but, if you can keep your discipline of work, self care and taking small steps to build a new life....then you will be your own best friend doing the best you can for the hurting you inside - and that gives you an inner strength that will give you a real future.....

    Mop up the pain with distractions, healthy distractions that give you pleasure and some comfort and relief from the tears.

    You'll find truckloads of support here from those who experiencing the same anguish.

  • LisaRose

    Barely there, Welcome, so glad you posted. Getting disfellowshipped is really rough, I think it's one of the most cruel things you can do to a person. My situation was much the same, married too young and stupidly, instantly regretted it, but I was stuck. I also had a brief affair, which I deeply regretted, but I was young and very unhappy and weak. So don't be too hard on yourself, we are all only human. Unfortunately my first husband didn't want a divorce so I went back so I could get reinstated. I had to live like that for another twenty years, it wasn't worth it, I wished I had just told them all to pound sand, but I didn't know enough then.

    Take some time to figure things out. Many times people are so miserable from being shunned they go crawling back to the organization without thinking about whether they really believe it or not, and of course that is the whole point of it. Be glad you have some who will talk to you and start making friends outside the religion, friends who won't shun you because you made a mistake and aren't sorry enough in the eyes of some. They don't know what is in your heart, do they? As Jesus said "let him who is without sin cast the first stone". Of course they ignore that part of the bible, too busy ruining lives by making an example of you. In my experience they come down harder on the women, especially for sexual sin, there is a double standard. Or how else do you explain pedophiles who only get private reproof?

  • Tenacious

    Hello BT,

    I'm sorry to hear you have been DF'd from the Org.

    Your feelings of despair have been experienced by thousands of members on this board.

    Sadly, the Org cares more about it's image than of a member's feeling on being DF'd and the harm that stems from having to lose perhaps 90% of your social circle not including any relatives that may also turn their back on you.

    Whatever it is you may or may not have done the bible is clear in regards to judging one another in John 12:47-50. Christ could not have been any clearer:

    47 - "But if anyone hears my sayings and does not keep them, I do not judge him; for I came, not to judge the world, but to save the world. 48 - Whoever disregards me and does not receive my sayings has one to judge him. The word that I have spoken is what will judge him on the last day. 49 - For I have not spoken of my own initiative, but the Father who sent me has himself given me a commandment about what to say and what to speak. 50 - And I know that his commandment means everlasting life. So whatever I speak, I speak just as the Father has told me.”

    Note the quotation from the NWT.

  • steve2

    Being disfellowshipped for so-called "sins of the flesh" induces a lot of fear, obligation and guilt (FOG) that often stop the individual from thinking rationally. Instead, emotions rule. It is unsurprising that your mind turns to the need to mend relationships.

    Be aware that social disapproval (as demonstrated by being disfellowshipped) is "designed" to play on the need for approval. The difference when it happens in religions is that it is milked for all it is worth .

    Just don't let your need for approval override your own legitimate needs. And don't give your local congregation any further ammunition against you.

    Take it one step at a time. Your heart is telling you something important about the state of the organization-listen carefully.

  • Lost and adrift
    Lost and adrift
    Being disfellowshipped for so-called "sins of the flesh" induces a lot of fear, obligation and guilt (FOG) that often the individual from thinking rationally. Instead, emotions rule. It is unsurprising that your mind turns to the need to mend relationships.

    Wow Steve2 I think you have just made me wake up and see the chaos in my head for what it actually is!

    Thand you

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