What was the last thing you said to your jw family?

by caves 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • caves

    7 years ago I had my last conversation with the toxic jw that mostly raised me. Every conversation was toxic for my entire adult life with her.

    The last time we spoke was right before the memorial 7 years ago and she was laying on the usual heavy guilt and fear mongering about how jeho counts his people at the memorial.

    I suppose I had had enough and abruptly stopped her in mid sentence (not like the me she knew that would put up with it) then said in a voice she has never heard before and I could hear her jaw hit the floor as I had never stated my thoughts so firmly.

    "That is the last time I will ever allow you to use fear as a tactic to scare me into going to the memorial or anything having to do with you or the rest of the family, no more, it stops here, the cycle stops with me!" Click. I hung up and have never talked to her since. It felt liberating and I knew it was the last time we would speak. No contact.

    Does anyone else have last words they told their jw fam? Or an especially toxic one? How did you feel?

  • cofty

    I had a very long talk to my elder dad about the reasons I could no longer believe that the organisation was ‘god’s channel’. At the end of conversation he acknowledged that he could not defend his doctrines in the light of the things I had shared but ‘life outside the organisation is unthinkable’.

    Twenty-two years later his position has not changed.

    Never be fooled by the sort of wise-sounding elders who inspire confidence in others. Beneath the facade of certainty they have got nothing.

  • snugglebunny

    I said that if I thought they had the truth then I'd be a witness. As I didn't believe in it, any affiliation was pointless. My parents accepted it.

    However, some years later, when another JW asked the old "Will you turn back to Jehovah" line, I responded in the same vein to which she exclaimed "Blasphemy!" and stalked off.

  • blondie

    Basically, don't call me, I'll call you. I returned all written correspondence unopened, did not open any e-mails, screened all phone calls, and refused to talk third parties acting as a go-between. It took 10 years before it all ended, when both my parents were dead.

  • Solzhenitsyn

    "Well OK then, but I still love you Mom"

  • Tameria2001

    The last thing I ever said to my JW mother was this. But let me back up a bit. In 2001 I dissociated myself from the Watchtower, and at that time I told my mom that the JWs were nothing but false prophets, and can not be truly God's organization, and used that scripture in Deuteronomy. That was a face to face conversation, Then a few days later she decided she didn't want me to have the last word, and she sent me the most hate-filled letter. She ended it with how she wished she never gave birth to me and signed off from the woman who gave birth to you. The things she wrote in that letter felt just like she ripped out my heart.

    But that was not the end, oh no, not by a long shot. In 2005, she decided to reach out to me, but she was being kind ~~~Mind Tricks~~~. For a while, she would talk to me on the phone, and we would converse by letters. Then after getting my hopes up, she would ask me if I am coming back to Jehovah's organization I would say no, and that would be that I wouldn't hear from her again for a little while. This repeated itself several times during the next three years. She would always ask are you coming back to Jehovah's Organization, and finally I replied, "No mom, I'm never coming back because I accepted Jesus and my Lord and Savior. And yet the mind games continued with her, until December 2008. In 2008, my husband and I bought our home, and when we moved to it, and I stopped replying to any of her letters for a year. That was how long it took for the mail carrier to stop forwarding her letters to me.

  • label licker
    label licker

    I told my sister I had interhepatic cholangiocarcinoma and just wanted to talk. I told her there are many things we can talk about but lets leave religion out of our conversations. She told me I was shaking her faith and had to go. Told me if she didn't get back to me on the internet it was because her computer wasn't working right. So after leaving the religion and having no friends I now had no family. We had just moved to get away from the constant rejection they give you when they see you even walking down a street. Three months later I was diagnosed with this beast of a cancer and had no support, no friends and no family. Plus we didn't know anyone down here at our new place. I guess that was my all time low.

  • ohnightdivine

    Oh my. I'm so sorry to hear about all your experiences.

    Sometimes when I read something like this, it makes me stop for a while and thank the heavens that I am the only one in the family who became a JW, even though for so many years I felt a bit lonely because I had no one to talk to in my family regarding my beliefs and the eventual period of anger and depression.

    I am just thankful I am able to get back to a "normal" family life and not discuss anything related to Armageddon, etc.

  • Giordano

    The last thing I said to my sister......... an uber JW with a 13 year old daughter and Elder husband was something like 'take care,,,,, get well'. A week later we got the call.......... as a former JW it took a little longer to learn she was sinking fast. When we made the four hundred mile trip we pulled up to her home and there were cars all over the property.

    The house was filled with the sisters of the congregation all of whom were in support of her decision to pass up a blood transfusion that may have kept her alive longer or at least gave her a tool to fight the cancer she had. She was their hero. She would leave behind her husband and a 13 year old daughter.

    I don't know or remember what words passed between us. Words of comfort from me that didn't and couldn't meet the test as a non believer. She did respond to my words of love.

    No one could offer her any words of hope other then the JW malarkey of false hopes grasped so readily in her dying hands.

    Since leaving the JW world I was the 'other'........... someone no matter what I had accomplished was not of any worth to the 'friends' nor her JW family.

    She passed a week later. That was the only time I cried in my adult life. I've teared up a number of times but......that one broke my heart.

    I was once her hero......... a pioneer where the need was great.....then I became.......... nothing. The way it is and has to be......... to a believer.

    The last words to my mom some 5 or 7 years after my sister died.......was leaving the assisted living facility.......... would have been 'I'll call you when we get home....... let you know we got home safely." That was always a comfort to her. She passed a week later peacefully.

    We...... my wife and I and our son drove back and spent her final hours with her. There was no conversation as she was in that twilight zone before she took her final breath.

    As we set aside things her granddaughter might want and I handled her estate which was pretty simplified by then..... I set aside her diary. I wondered what she thought about us in her final days.

    It was a yearly diary and It was mostly a log of her days and a few very few visits from the JW's who were acquaintances. When you reach 90 most of the the 'friend's' have either died off or really don't care or connect with some old sister who was sitting in an assisted living facility. As I read through her thoughts and observations I found no mention of myself or our family, our visits......... until a week before her death.

    "Poor Gio, he doesn't realize that Armageddon is coming."

    Nothing about my wife of thirty years or our son.......just this fucking religion.

  • nmthinker

    So many JW mothers are the same. Emotionally manipulative, controlling, playing God, trying to impose their will on their children. They act the same as the organization that they serve/love/hate.

    JW mothers are the main reason people have such a hard time leaving this cult and getting on with the next phase of their life.

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