HI Dana,
I have been searhing thru topics and ran across yours, I wonder at this time how things are? My mother at 57 got terminal bone marrow cancer, I truly understand your pain. It was very hard on my children,10 and 12 at that time. At first they wanted to go and be with her but it was a 5 yr process of seeing her deteriorate and become someone who was very hard to be around. I had to let the kids do whatever they felt they needed to do to cope. If they wanted to go with me I took them if they didn't I just hugged them and told them it was ok that grandma was probably gonna sleep most that day anyhow. Try to take any guilt off their little minds of not being able to be in that enviornment. My mothers condition lasted 5 yrs so by the time she actually passed away the kids were accustomed to the situation. They actually had a more difficult time when thier Aunt (my sister passed away)....she was only 37 and was visiting the weekend to help me with our mother one week and just didnt wake up.....NOW my daughter ecspecially started thinking everyone she loved was going to die or get cancer and die. The kids were extremely close to their Aunt, would spend a month each summer with her. Alll of us couldnt deal with it. It was so sudden, no history of ilness, Heart just stopped. For over a year afterward I was angry at everything and everyone. It just didnt seem right that she didnt get to know what her niece and nephew were up to. Or when her nephew got married, or niece graduated....It just didnt seem fair or right that a life is so easy to take away and so many forget.
End results were, my daughter had to go to some counseling and be on antidepressants for a few years, my son just hid it all inside and the anger built and built.he is now 24 and I am not really sure if he himself has come to total terms with theses things yet, I beleive he has pushed them all in the back of his mind and is concentrateing on his marraige and son...which, if he can cope that way I always want the best for him. I did offer to take him to counseling also but he didnt want to bring thins up and feel the pain again.
as far as one who is terminally ill........most of the time Hospice will come in to help. at the end of the tragedy they offer counseling on subject such as loss of a mate
loss of a parent
loss of a grandparent
and adult children coping with the loss of a parent
loss of a sibling
I went to one of these classes and they are very kind and supportive and you are with others going thru the same thing. there is a lot of support.
I realize several months have gone by now and the probability of your mother in law still being with you is not a good one..I just hope you can find comfort and understanding....Remember the old saying......." you don't know how a person feels until you walk a mile in his shoes"
this is so true and those at hospice have walked that mile in your shoes and can give true support, not just "oh I am sorry, call me if you need anything,", or " at least she isnt in pain anymore"
you will get the time to cry and laugh over memories and all the hugs you need.
my heart truly aches for this time you are going thru...when the greiveing process begins allow yourself to feel everything your heart is telling you to feel, you HAVE to go thry each stage to heal and your children will need this also....it is a tough time and I hated when people told me "time heals all wounds" this wasnt just a wound it was my mother and sister.
but time has helped me cope and it will you also even though right now you dont ever think it will........((((((love you all)))))))))