How many of you know you want children or knew you wanted children before ?

by sandy 42 Replies latest jw friends

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  Billygoat

  Wow! This thread really surprises me! I figured there'd be dozens of women saying they KNEW they were going to be mamas when they grew up. So I'm not alone, eh?

  Just this past Sunday we had lunch with some friends that had a 4 month old. Darling little child that slept through lunch - we didn't hear a peep from him. I remember "helping" her by rolling the baby through the restaurant line and Neil and I chose our food. Someone came up to me and asked if we needed help getting "our" baby to the table with our trays of food. It took me by surprise as I was thinking "What baby?" LOL! The baby in the stroller right in front of me! It dawned on me that people thought that child was OURS. Very weird feeling. It was nice to fantasize for a moment what that might be like, but it was a fleeting thought.

  I was 11 years old when my baby brothers were born. (twins) So I babysat ALL the freakin' time. They were cute little kids and basically pretty good, but when there's two of anything it's exhausting! I learned from a small age to be a good "mommy" - nurturing has always come easy for me. But I also realized that those cute little babies weren't the romantic little thing that most women think they are. I was never in any rush to have my own.

  Now I'm almost 32, just recently married. Thankfully my husband doesn't want any little ones anytime soon. We've both agreed that when the time comes, one child will be our max. He also said that he would like to adopt. (Wow! What man says that?!?! Of course I'll marry you!!!) So now Neil and I can sit back and enjoy our marriage without worrying about the biological clock ticking. When we're ready, we'll let another lady go through the pain of childbirth and stretch marks and then we'll take HER kid.
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  maxwell

  I never had the desire to have children. I never will. I'm just not committed to spending 18+ years trying to help another human being become a productive member of society. I hear people coo about how cute and sweet babies are but they seem unable to think past that baby stage. The baby stage doesn't last very long and there's a lot more after that. Yes I know you good parents find joy even after the baby stage and probably for the rest of your lives. As I said on another thread, I think parents have the most important job in existence. Children are great and I have great respect for parents who try to do a good job. Suffice to say, that like others I like my freedom and I don't feel a need or desire for children.

  There is one scenario where my mind would change. Failure of birth control. No birth control is 100% effective, except abstinence. So while the risk is very low, I do recognize the risk and I'm prepared to accept the responsibility of taking that risk. But hopefully, I never have demonstrate how serious I am about what I just said.
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  run dont walk

  I always knew when I was young, I would never have children, because I did not want to raise them the way I was raised in the borg. I even told my parents this.I remember seeing new borns at the hall, and the couples so happy, but I thought to myself, how will this child be raised, as a child who tells other kids they will die at Armageddon.

  Even after I left, being the only one in a big family who had enough guts to walk away from the borg, I still felt having kids would cause many interferences from my family, I remember my mom saying once that "If I have kids I better not celebrate Christmas, or you will be cut off from any inheritance, and their will be trouble." My mom had a pet peeve about Christmas, don't know why.Even after I was gone they still tried scare tactics.

  One thing I have realized and this is simply my opinion, if you are going to have kids, have them in your twenties, no later than 32, you don't want to be raising a teenager when you are in your 50's. I see so many familes that don't take the time with their kids because after they hit 45-50, they ideas change, they want to be free and just don't want to do it anymore.

  I AM NOT SAYING ALL PEOPLE ARE LIKE THAT ! (don't want to cause a fight)

  I guy I know is 45 and his wife is pregnant, I looked at him are you nuts, how are you going to be able to understand what this child is going threw when he hits the teenager years.

  just my thoughts, doesn't mean I'm right.
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  tinkerbell82

  So now Neil and I can sit back and enjoy our marriage without worrying about the biological clock ticking. When we're ready, we'll let another lady go through the pain of childbirth and stretch marks and then we'll take HER kid.

  now THAT'S what i call a good idea
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  teenyuck

  I guy I know is 45 and his wife is pregnant, I looked at him are you nuts, how are you going to be able to understand what this child is going threw when he hits the teenager years.

  OMG! That is soooo true!!! Some friends got married a few years ago....he is an attorney (slacker though) and she is a consultant. Both busy. Both early 40's. Decided to have kids immediately.

  She got pregnant right away. From the moment the kid was born he knew it was a mistake. He told the men, it was a mistake. He had just started saving for retirement and now he has a kid. Then she/they got pregnant again! Now they have two!

  The husband leaves the wife at home any time he can to get away from diapers, cleaning, crying, etc. He said he is just too old for *this shit*. His words. I can understand, however, I want to slap him and her for having children so quickly and not thinking about the consequences. They just jumped in and thought they were so *cute*. Now reality has struck in a big way.

  He has now realized, at age 45, he will have to continue to work until he is about 75, because of college, etc. He is constantly lamenting the fact that they cannot just *get up and go.* Finding a baby sitter is hard, they are tired, etc.

  Their marriage seems on the rocks now, which is even worse. The wife is such a great, beautiful woman. I think she heard her biological clock and jumped the gun. I can see a divorce looming.
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  MrsQ

  Well, I went back and forth...I wasn't ever that crazy about kids--but I always liked the 'idea' of it.

  It wasn't until I met my husband that I realized that this person WAS the father of my future children. In fact, the night after our first date, I had a dream that we were married and in the dream I was hugely pregnant and we were both just standing there, our hands on my belly, smiling at one another.

  3 1/2 years later, voila! A set of twins!

  BUT, we did it right. I wanted to stay home, so I waited until we were in a financial position for me to quit my job. Plus, I'm almost 30--so I got all my partying out of my system. Now, I can be home with my babies, and hell--its only 5-6 years until they'll be off at school all day. A short amount of time, but worth it in the long run...

  Q.
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  Odrade

  LMAO @ Billy goat! Yep, I always say, "If I get too old, then change my mind, I can always buy one."

  Mrs Q, a huge CONGRATS! on your twins, glad it's not me, but I'm always delighted to hear of children born into a family who truly WANTS them. They'll have a good life.

  Odrade
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  Candlestick02

  I'm interested to hear from those who weren't sure if they wanted to become parents but for one reason or another (spouse pressure or an 'oops') still had kids. Did you ever regret you had them? How many parents will ever admit that (other than the one post earlier on that couple in their 40's who jumped on the kid-decision and now HE regrets it)?!
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  ashitaka

  This will disappoint my mom, but I and my wife don't want kids......EVER. We spend ten minutes near any child and we are ready to bang our heads against a brick wall. We're selfish as hell...and we love it. Been married five years, and we've had a wonderful time alone.

  I want to grow old with my wifey in peace.

  ash
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  kgfreeperson

  My son was an accident and I was miserable for the whole pregnancy. Once he was born I fell completely in love and we were okay. But I know how lucky I was and I don't recommend having a baby to see if it will all work out!