My story and what I'm trying to do with it

by Ft2188 24 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Ft2188

    i was raised a JW, my mom, dad and sister along with me. my dad was an elder my entire life and my sister a regular pioneer for most of my life, along with my mother. ill never forget being 4 years old and staring up at the stars outside and my dad leaning over to and saying "look what Jehovah made for you". my response, "but how do you know God is real"? my mother said she knew then i would be trouble. i never fit in with the rest of my family, spiritually speaking. i fought it my entire life. when i was 16 i met the man that I would later go on to marry. he was 22 and also raised a witness but non-practicing like me. i turned 18 and we got married as if often the case with young witnesses. a year late he told me we would be going back to meetings and even though i said i didnt want to, as he put it, he was the "head of the family" and i had to do as he said. fast forward to 6 years later and me giving being a real witness the first real try in my life. he was an MS, i was on my way to becoming a regular pioneer. i had been expressing my loneliness, my doubts for years and he would always brush me off. one day, like a like switch, i knew i was done. There was no talking me out of this. no amount of prayers or elders meetings would change my mind. We knew we didnt want to be married to each other but as is JW law, youre still bound until someone commits adultery. he point blank asked me to do this for him. my husband of 6 years just asked me to cheat on him so he can one day remarry. i concocted some false story of my adultery, which none of the elders bought but who was going to argue? i was kicked out from my home with my husband and moved in with my parents who after a week of trying to get me to change my mind and come back, decided that was enough of an attempt and promptly kicked me out of their home. i had $500 to my name,no job(my boss fired me because he was an elder in my congregation that i worked for) no friends and nowhere to go. i lived out of my car for about 6 months. No schooling to fall back on because on top of everything my parents pulled me out of 7th grade because they saw me hold a worldly boys hand. So I was starting from scratch. i would work at a large 24 hour gym where i would shower and change work until 4 then drive to my next job which i would work until 4 am and repeat the process over. one day i met a girl at work who knew me for a week and found out i was living out of my car and offered to let me live with her. the single most kindest thing anyone has ever done for me. she saved my life and we have been best friends ever since. 5 years later, i now have a great group of loving and loyal friends and family (isnt always blood) including my 1 year old son.

    I recently started a book project as a way to help myself heal and potentially others as well. I also wanted to have an easy way to explain to my son one day as to why none of my family are in our lives. I started with a letter to my mother, my goodbye letter if you will, of everything I wanted to say but didn't get a chance to. So now,Between Facebook, Reddit and forums I listen to stories of those who have left or are thinking of leaving and ask if they would be willing to share their story and their letter to the family member or friend they had to leave behind. I've received great feedback and it seems to be helping others as much as it helped me. I'm hoping through this book, that if enough people can see. E pain and damage this "religion" causes then maybe I can help to wake more up and show others what it really means to be part of this "religion".

  • snare&racket


    You are such a brave human being! I also felt truth was more valuable to me than comfort. I also could not live a lie, despite the consequence.

    I told the elders how I felt and was told to foxtrot oscar....went back to school nearly 30yrs old, best decisions I ever made.

    You sound like an awesome person. Keep in touch! X

  • Ft2188

    I get excited and want to go back to school and get a degree but at be same time I fell bogged down by feeling too old or too out of touch with school to even try. Instead of "thanks Obama" I'll go with "thanks jw" lol

  • days of future passed
    days of future passed

    Good for you! It's pretty tough just to leave by yourself, but you also had a husband to deal with. I'm glad you found a way to help yourself and others.

  • Ft2188

    Thanks for the encouragement. I figured if I'm asking others to open their hearts with me through a personal letter, then I should be willing to do the same and share my story.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Great of you to share your story. It sounded like rough going, but also that you will find a way to keep going.
    I wrote a book for therapy of my story and it helped self healing immensely. I "slightly" fictionalized it by changing the city and the names, published it on Amazon and many have read it. It's called FADE FROM THE TRUTH.

    Hey, no matter what, get your GED or high school diploma. Doesn't matter when, but get it. It will help your self esteem and you may need it for jobs in the future. I became a JW as an adult, but was a drop out and knew I might need a GED one day. My current career required it, so I am glad I got that in-between knocking on doors for Jehovah.

  • JW GoneBad
    JW GoneBad

    Ft2188...that is one hell of a story! You are a survivor! May you and your little boy be blessed and thank you for sharing your awe-inspiring story.

    Also...wishing you success on your book project...great idea!

  • Ft2188

    Thanks everyone for be kind words! If any of you have suggestions on ways to move forward with the project, I would love to hear your thoughts or maybe even your letters one day. :)

  • amicabl

    Perhaps if all of us that could wrote our story, made brief videos, seized opportunities for kind and sensible anti witnessing, etc., it would make a difference somewhere. This may seem obvious but how many just let opportunities slip by. This sounds like part of a CO's talk.

  • Ft2188

    We let these opportunities slip by because we are conditioned by our fears. They were, after all, ingrained in us pretty deeply. But if we can rise above our fears and be a little more bold then maybe it would help so many others.

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