well this really sucks

SpiceItUp

You ever have one of those things that happen to you that just leaves you speechless. Well the other day one of my best friends (someone I have known for years) told me that they might have cancer. They have a tumor in their leg that just changed size as well as a small lump in their arm. They will be making an appointment to have it properly diagnosed but the fact that it has grown and is in more than one place doesn't look like it might be good news.

I didnt know what to tell them I just gave them a hug and told them I'd be there in whatever way they needed me.

I have never dealt with anything such as this before and its scary knowing that someone my age could have to deal with this. I keep thinking that it shouldn't be like this. We should be talking about future goals not what to do if they need chemo therapy.

If anyone who has been there either could give me any advice on what to say/do (or not to say/do) it would be appreciated. I'd like to be strong for them but am just not quite sure how to.

Thanks for listening.

Dansk

Hi Spice,

Sorry to hear about your friend. The word 'cancer' is enough to give anyone the wobbles. It doesn't sound good now that the lymph nodes under the arm are swelling - but one never knows!

A friend of ours died of breast cancer just a few months back, she was only 38. All you can say is that, whatever happens, you'll always be there for them. People aren't stupid and so it's best to be straight with your feelings. Knowing you'll be there all the time is often all they need. Your friend certainly needs you more than ever now. It's good to go places together and in everything act normal. Do normal things together as often as possible.

Another friend, who also had breast cancer, had her breast removed and went on to live more than twenty years. She eventually died in her 60s of some completely unrelated illness.

So, here's hoping, Spice.

Love to you and your friend,

Dansk

NeonMadman

Don't give up hope - I had a scare about a year ago. There was a lump on my thigh that had started out the size of an almond. My previous doctor had said not to worry, that it looked harmless and that I only needed to have it removed if it started to bother me.

Well, over the course of time, it grew to the size of a golf ball and was red and noticeably hot to the touch. When I showed it to my current doctor (I changed doctors because I moved, not because of medical reasons), he said, "that has to come out of there!" He sent me to a surgeon, and a week later, I had the lump removed. The scary part was that the thing looked so nasty that no one at the doctor's office or in the hospital, or even the surgeon himself, was willing to give me the slightest encouragement that it might not be cancerous.

As it turned out, it was benign, and not even really embedded in any way. According to the surgeon, it wasn't attached to anything but my skin. All he had to do was make the incisions and it popped right out.

OK, so I was lucky. But scary stuff isn't always as bad as it seems. Hope it turns out as well for your friend.

Nikita

Hi Spice,

I am sorry to hear about your friend. We have a man in our church who is only 40 and was just diagnosed with Lou Gehrigs disease in October. It is very sad and scary to see him deteriorating so fast-almost daily. I know I can't do anything to make the disease go away, so I do what I can-which is just listen to he and his wife, be there with arms to just hold them when they just plain don't want to talk. It is not easy-you want to do something -anything to make it better, but they seem to just want to be able to talk and vent. I think what you said was fine.

I have also lost my Mom at the age of 48 to Ovarian Cancer. I am grateful that we spent her last few years just growing closer and doing things together that we might not have if she had just been suddenly taken away from me. It has taught me to try to live life for each moment and to dare to live out my dreams.

Call them frequently, try to do the things you always do with them, so life feels somewhat normal. Just be yourself. From what I have observed about you on this forum, I feel you will be just the kind of friend your friend will need.

Nikita

Undecided

Life does suck sometimes,

I was just up at McDonalds and my friend who my brother and I just went to the beach with was sitting with us and his daughter's husband came in and told him his daughter was just diagnosed with breast cancer. His wife and brother also died this year. He sure can take life better than I can, he doesn't seem to be down at all, and enjoys every day it seems. Some people can adjust better than others I guess.

Ken P.

czarofmischief

Yeah, it sucks. This one guy I used to work with has a daughter, she is 21 now. When she was 8 she had leukemia and got better. Then it came back when she was 17. And she got better. And now she was just diagnosed with a freaky new kind of cancer that necessitates a bone marrow transplant as her last and only hope - and it doesn't look good even if they find a donor.

How is that? You think you've beaten the odds, and then they find you again, and you beat them AGAIN and then they still come back.

Blame god? Maybe. It doesn't solve the problem, though. In the end, we all die, and most of us die painfully. we have to make the best out of what we've got, because it isn't fair at all, but we have no guarantees or promises.

CZAR

happyout

Spice,

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Stay positive, there's just no need to be negative. Show as much love as you can as often as you can. It's ironic, when something like this happens you start to think about using your time wisely, showing love to family and friends, and all because of a possible disease. The truth is, we could lose anyone at anytime due to accident, or sudden traumatic illness (like an anuerysm).

Be good to your friend and yourself, and best wishes.

Happyout

SpiceItUp

Thanks for the thoughts everyone.

I have been spending more time with my friend in the past couple days since we initially spoke about this. Going out and doing things like we always do.

I hope that even if its cancer, that it can be operated on and let them get on with their life. Just keep them in your thoughts and hope that this is something that will pass on and leave us both stronger.

Mary

Hon, I know what it's like..........I was diagnosed last year with cancer and had to have an operation. I was in absolute shock when I was told, because I'm only in my 30s, and there's not a history of cancer in my family.

Hearing a doctor say "You have cancer" translates in your mind "I'm going to die" and yes, it is initially terrifying. However, one thing I learned is: cancer does not have to be a death sentence. Your friend, while following instructions from the doctor, needs to also take on responsibility for their lives----don't just leave it to chemo and radiation.

Your friend should immediately make an appointment with a reputable, licenses Naturopath. I would also strongly recommend reading a book by Dr. Bernie Siegel, (a retired surgeon) who dealt alot with cancer patients. It's called "Love, Medicine, and Miracles" and it is a fantastic book for anyone going through this.

They're going to need lots of emotional support, believe me. Your friend will have their ups and down, good days and bad days and they'll need a shoulder to cry on from time to time, but there is lots that they can do to help themselves.

We found out that my cancer had indeed gone into my lymph nodes, but was negative in all my organs, so we (apparently) caught it in time. I have found that following a very strict diet of fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains, antioxidants, meditation and yes prayer, helped me ALOT and I would highly recommend the same for others. A support group is also very beneficial, because then you don't feel so alone. You tend to think you're the only person on planet earth who has this, which we know of course, isn't true, and support groups really make a difference.

God bless, and good luck.

Sunnygal41

Hi Spice, I just wrote a nice long response to you, but when I hit the submit button, it disappeared. I had a lump on my neck when I was 16, and they thought it was cancer because my mom had had two surgeries for breast cancer that year. They cut me open, a nice 6 inch opening and found that it was a natural "pocket" that had filled with junk and gotten infected. I had to wear a rubber tube in my neck for a couple days after the surgery and it tooks months/years for the feeling to return to my face, but, bottom line, it was not cancer. Not all lumps are, as has been well illustrated here. Try to maintain a positive attitude.....it will do wonders for your friend!

well this really sucks

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