I HATE my ex-husband

by bluesapphire 33 Replies latest forum tech-support

• 

  bluesapphire

  It is odd to me how people will table their situation on an open forum, and then respond with insults when someone responds in a manner which they did not want to hear. That reply was more telling then you probably realize. Go shout at the wind.

  Gita: he was condescending to me. And NOOOOOOO I did not want to be condescended to or have my intelligence insulted. I absolutely admit THAT! And I have every right to snap at anyone who insults my intelligence. I posted to vent and for support -- that's it plain and simple. Not to have some elder-like sounding guy tell me I have a "responsibility" and "participated in creating my children" something I obviously already know.

  And telling to who? You? What makes you think I care what you think?

  Yeru: I know all dads aren't deadbeats and I'm not surprized that you are very responsible, given what I have learned about you. Unfortunately, we don't have a crystal ball and can't tell what our exes will turn out to be like. You actually "miss" your ex????? I want to throw up every time I see mine.

  Es: Yeap! I hear ya. I have the worst of both worlds though. My ex is a financial deadbeat who makes sure he has his parental visitation rights every other weekend. Sometimes he picks them up to take them to his mom's and leaves them there while he goes out and parties. The girls hate it. And you know what he does too! He borrows their allowance money and doesn't pay it back. So really I'm paying him.

  DJ: That's the flip side of the coin and one of the good things. Working for the school district I do get every summer off and two weeks in December, one week in Spring. I hate to have to give that up.

  I'm just sooooo in love with my little guy. I don't have to go back to work until late August but I don't wanna don't wanna don't wanna!!!! I want to hold him every day and be with him all day. Not have some nanny looking after him, taking my place.

  Blue-eyes (temper tantrum class)
• 

  gitasatsangha

  And telling to who? You? What makes you think I care what you think?

  Wow, how lovely. I guess I might've dumped you and crawled into a bong, too.

  Just kidding, of course.
• 

  Francois

  Why don't you charge him with contempt of court? And DON'T tell me all about how he will disappear at the first opportunity, or that if he goes to jail he won't be able to get a job, or any of the other bullshit stories I've already heard a dozen times apiece.

  Do you have ANY idea how motivating ten days in jail can be? Are you aware of the reciprocal agreements between the states and between the states and the federal government to track down dead beats and get them back to the proper jurisdiction?

  If you don't file contempt against him, then you have no right, NO RIGHT to vent about his behavior.

  Go for it. Do it. Change your life. Free your children from poverty. What have you got to loose but his behavior? DO IT!!!

  francois
• 

  ThiChi

  I am very sympathetic to your situation. Francois is correct, you have many, many laws on your side. Use them!
• 

  shera

  (((((( Blue))))))

  Sorry to hear what your going threw.You have the right to feel, every feeling you are going threw.

  To those who think they are making sense,attacking her----> Utter nonsense.
• 

  RandomTask

  I was not condesending to anyone, but merely trying to open up your mind to the concept that you have responsibility for the children you make and who you make them with, a concept that it seems you did not grasp anyway. The very fact that you decided to have another child with your present husband and continue to gripe about not having enough money to be comfortable in supporting your children speaks volumes.

  I DO feel for you, that is why I was trying to give you some good advice. Stop blaming other people for your problems, stop griping about things you cant control, like your ex, even if he is a deadbeat. Its not going to improve your situation. Take some people's advice here and try to use the law to get more support for your children, but bear in mind that you may not succeed, you may just have to deal with your situation that you, yes you dear, also had a hand in making. No, life isn't fair, $@#! happens and ghriping and blaming accomplish nothing. Set a good example for your kids.
• 

  bluesapphire

  If you don't file contempt against him, then you have no right, NO RIGHT to vent about his behavior.

  Go for it. Do it. Change your life. Free your children from poverty. What have you got to loose but his behavior? DO IT!!!

  Yes, as a matter of fact I already contacted an attorney. It would cost $2000. But since I do have a paralegal background I'm going to file it myself and represent myself. Only reason I haven't done it is because supposedly the State of CA is "hard on deadbeats". What a joke. And the child support services led me to believe they would handle it in the judgement debtor hearing.

  Unfortunately I was now informed they are no longer with the DA and no longer file contempt actions against deadbeats. That is unless I was a welfare mom which I never have been, then they would have the motivation to do it to reimburse the state.

  Please don't think I'm living in poverty. I'm not. Money is tight like it probably is for most people and the girls need lots and lots of stuff. We could use the money so I could stay home but we will never go hungry or anything even close to that.

  Francois, do you think he would actually go to jail? I am beginning to have my doubts. I'm afraid I'll go to court and the judge will listen to his pitiful sob story how he lost his job at UPS three years ago and hasn't been able to find another one bla bla bla. I can't help but be pessimistic. But it's worth a try.

  As for those other elders nice guys who responded .... obviously they still think a woman has to be all sweet and respectful when she is addressed by a man. They should go back to the kingdumb hell. Like Random for instance didn't get it that I ALREADY KNOW what he is condescending to counsel me on lecture me about. Too pitiful. The thought doesn't cross his mind how he sounds. And he actually thinks it would bother me that a man like him would leave me. Good riddance!
• 

  calamityjane

  Blue I too hate my ex-husband (he was an elders son, I thought i was safe with a elders son), He ended up being a lying cheating, dope smoking a$$ hole.. I was 5 months pregnant with his child when I left him, he refused to acknowledge that it was his kid. It was the easy way out for him, thinking I was the cheating one, rather than his cheating ass.

  Anyway, I came back home to Canada, where I was able to have our first born under our health program and didn't have to pay through the nose to have her. Shortly after I gave birth to my daughter, I started going out with xjw, we had a great friendship, skiied together, and eventually fell in love, got married, he adopted my first child. Now 14 years after marriage, and having two of our own, my a$$hole ex decides to get back into the picture, (of course thanks to my jw parents, who disowned me because I left the jw and now that my ex was back in good standing in a congreation they sided with him now). BASTARDS!!!. Sorry Simon, I'm venting.

  Yeah so now the arse is seeing my daughter, after all these years. Yes, he never had to pay support for her ever. But when she comes to me for money, I do not make it easy for her. I figured he missed all these years of paying its time for him to pay up, if he wants anything to do with her. I do not, as a mother feel obligated to her anymore. She is 23 years old. I paid my dues. XJW paid his dues. Not to say we won't help her, but if he wants to be part of her life 20 years later, then he must pay.

  cj

  of the "ex dead beat husbands, can go to hell class"
• 

  think41self

  Hi Blue,

  I sympathize with your situation, I really do. I don't know about the state you live in, but here in Florida, you do not have to hire an attorney to file a contempt of court for non payment of child support. You can do it yourself at the courthouse with a little help from the clerk of the courts. Or there may be a state sponsored organization that will do it for you for a very minimal fee, like $25.00. The wheels of justice turn slowly, but they do turn. Get online, or call your local courthouse and ask for the child support division. They were very helpful in hooking me up with help, AND there was a court provided attorney that represented me at the hearing, didn't cost me anything.

  I hope some of this info is helpful to you. Email me if you'd like to know anything else, or just to vent privately!

  Tracy
• 

  bluesapphire

  Wow CJ, that's really really awful. I'm sure when my girls are grown ups their dad will be going to them asking them for money all the time, not the other way around. He'll say, "my wages are still garnished bla bla bla" because OF COURSE I'll never close the case and it will follow him until the day he is burried six feet under.

  I can just hear the girls now, "Mom, we help him because we feel sorry for him bla bla bla...."

  Oh well, I really am very fortunate that my husband has been so great to them and me. And I'm glad I have a good job to return to. I think you feel fortunate as well you have xjw. It's not all bad.