I lost the battle (page 2)

Joyzabel

((((((((Yeru))))))))

I can't believe all that you have been through and still questioning this decision.

Go in peace my son, look after YOURSELF.

Hugs,

j2bf

Sorry to hear about the difficulties with your wife. I am going to say something different from the other posts, I hope it is not going to be taken wrong. I certainly don't know all your circumstances, but if you have decided to 'serve God as you know him', maybe some of what I write will resonate in you.

1. Before you make big moves to cut her off, please look for some counseling. The issues that you are dealing with have all been dealt with before, and if you find a counselor who is able to show you both how to negotiate thru the muck that you feel stuck in, you may be surprised to find that you can. Find a local friend whose marriage was helped by a counselor and get a referral. A counselor is someone who can sit and help you figure out why things are going the way they are, and give you encouragement. On a discussion board, we really are limited at certain times.

2. It sounds like your wife is very depressed, and sending big signals about it. (But again, a counselor can help discern if this is really the case.) You are her husband, and you shouldn't be holding back your physical affection toward her. Trust me--she needs to feel security from you, and if you only love her conditionally, you are only feeding that depression.

3. I also used to think that if God wanted us to be happy, then logically I should do whatever I thought would make me happy. The results were always much worse than I'd anticipated. Also, nowhere can you find this advice in the Bible. The question you are really dealing with is "Am I going to do something I know is wrong? Is evicting my wife wrong? Is withholding sex wrong?" Be careful about creating lame excuses, if that is the only way you can wrangle out a way to say that it is ok. Sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest thing to do...

4. Please remember that we are all naturally self-centered, and to Love is not a self-centered action, but means committing to another's interest above your own. This is why God's love is divine; and in marriage, this is what you have vowed to do--put her needs above your own. The 'love' you'll hear about on TV and radio is just a passing whim for satisfying one's self. It will always you leave you empty, and looking for someone else to fill your void... and you will have an endless cycle of using people, not loving people. Think about this.

Anyway, please don't give up yet. Commit to doing whatever is right (pretend you had to defend it before God), and you'll find happiness is granted as the bonus. My prayers are with you to this end!

Keep lookin' up!

bebu

Yerusalyim

Bebu,

Your words were taken in the proper spirit. For a little background on the issues take a look at my posting history beginning with page 106. Biblically and morally I have more than enouch grounds to divorce her. In the last two years she's had at least five other guys inside her without using any protection, and brought that home to me. One guy she was doing while begging me to let her come home when she ran off to NYC.

Valis

Yeru...you are a better man than I and have went far beyond what most people would tollerate...your son is old enough to make his own mistakes...get the craziness away from you and regain a better perspective on life...you already know you wanna do it and it looks as if others are helping this come to fruition....It sucks to think of your own going back to the insanity of JWland, all you can do is hope that delusion doesn't last long for him..Best of luck and have a good afternoon.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

czarofmischief

Damn, Yeru,

That's rough. You've been really forgiving and understanding - and you've taken a great deal. It makes me feel really good that tolerant and understanding guys like yourself are defending our nation.

But maybe enough is enough. However, nobody can make that choice for you. Try prayer - it works for me, at least...

I'm [raying and rooting for you - and you have my support whatever you choose to do.

Damn that Tower!

Women! Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em, can't keep the damn credit cards off 'em.

Rock on, soldier...

CZAR

jgnat

You are likely right about your boy. He is playing both against the middle. This is a common ploy of kids caught between separated parents. My experience is that when the kid runs off with the irresponsible parent, he eventually comes back, tail between legs. That is because, for all their promises, the irresponsible parent gets tired of the daily grind and drops the kid like a broken toy.

Be ready to pick up the peices.

It might be the right time to pack it in with your wife. You have performed heroically, and done all you can. You cannot be faulted for doing your best.

bebu

Thanks for a really kind reply, Yeru.

You are surely doing well as a Christian to be able to take my remarks in the right spirit, though I may have unintentionally added salt to your wounds. You are obviously not just talking a talk, but walking the walk.

You have my deep respect and admiration for demonstrating what lengths love will go to. Eph. 5:10 simply says, find out what pleases the Lord. And that is obviously how you are trying to live--by doing whatever is right.

Echoing all, my prayers go with you in your choices.

bebu

SheilaM

Yeru: You have a PM

pettygrudger

(((Yeru))) - No doubt you've done more than most men would do - my hats off to you........It's about time you started thinking about yourself, and how YOU want to spend the rest of your life. Your wife won't be without options, or hope for improving her own life. I know this has got to be a tough choice knowing how much the 2 of you have gone through, and my thoughts & prayers are with you.

I lost the battle

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