I lost the battle

by Yerusalyim 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • Yerusalyim

    My step son, Sean, is moving back to Pacific, MO. He's moving in with his JW brother (BIG MISTAKE as they don't really get along). I guess the pressure from daddy saying if he converted he'd disown Sean was more than he could bear. A week ago I heard my wife discussing Sean's "summer visit" of Sean to MO. I was concerned as Sean was suppossedly looking for a job. Yesterday I find that his brother has signed a lease for a two bedroom apartment that Sean plans on helping him with using his SSI. He'll live about four miles from his daddy and step mom, the one that threw him out on his a$$ 18 months ago.

    He's welcome to it. I give up!

    I'm giving SERIOUS thought to asking my wife to join her son back in MO and let me have my life back in peace.

  • Scully

    I'm sorry to hear this Yeru.

    It seems there is a lot of codependence in your stepson's relationship with his father. The father needs to employ mental and emotional abuse in order to motivate Sean to behave in a way that he feels is desirable. Sean needs the mental and emotional abuse to motivate him to behave in a way that he feels will gain his father's love and approval.

    Codependence is a really difficult cycle to break.... you've seen that for yourself.

    Take the summer to look after you. It sounds like Sean will be back and will need your love and support. You've done your best by him, and now it's time for him to do his best for himself.

    Best wishes
    Love, Scully

  • JH

    Cheer up Yerusalyim, better days will come.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Sometimes this is the best thing that could happen. The young person gets a chance to live with the yoke around his neck and slowly begins to resent it. Freedom can be around the corner. Hang in there

  • Reborn2002

    Hang in there Yeru.

    Although these are extremely unfortunate circumstances, you need to be reassured that YOU did not lose anything.

    It is not your fault.

    Other people have the power of CHOICE.

    Perhaps this will serve as a learning experience for all involved.

    You can be compared to the good parent who sees a child make bad decisions, and no matter what you say, that child will not listen because they have to experience it (thinking they know it all) for themselves before realizing you were right.

    You are in my thoughts.

    Time has a way of answering questions and healing wounds. Keep your hope.

  • shera

    Seems like you have been hanging in there for a long time.You have patience and a kind nature about you.

    You do what you really feel you need to do to give you the peace you need.

  • mouthy

    You didnt lose the battle friend... Your step son will return in due time I am sure- You have said enough to him to help him sort out matters when he sees the "borgs" going ons....You tried!!! Now just rest in your peace....(((hug))

  • Yerusalyim

    I honestly think that he thinks he can play both ends against the middle. He's no longer a believer, that's sure, but he also knows all the presure he'll be under back in MO. He'll play the game.

    Still thinking about asking his Mom to make the trip with him. I can no longer bear spending time with her. Our sex life is pretty much nil (my choice) I'm not fed emotionally by the relationship, I'm doing most of the house work again. The kids have asked me to start cooking again after she left half the egg shells in the egg salad sandwich and put cream cheese in the corn rather than butter.

  • Mulan

    Yeru, it sounds like you are making a tough decision. I am not one who thinks a person should stay in a bad marriage, or that god would want you to. I believe he wants us to be happy, don't you? I definitely think you are not happy.

    Ann Landers used to say this: "would I be better of with her, or without her?" That usually makes the decision.

    Be happy, my friend. Life is too short to try to fix all the people in our lives.

  • bluesapphire

    I agree with Mulan (((Yeru))). If she doesn't want a better life, why should you not have one? Don't waste precious time. And give your other kids a chance for happiness and NORMALCY too.

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