Why do I have to move 3000 miles away to get away from this religion?

by DIAMOND 16 Replies latest jw friends


    That is the question. I am literally moving from the east coast to the west coast just so I can lose my religion. Is that nuts? Heres the deal.

    Right now I live in NC. All my friends and family are Dubs and we have all been together in the truth for over 30 years. My wife also in the truth is from California. She hates the fact that I have stopped going to meetings and that I always nit pick the truth. Asking all kinds of questions and just plain old bad mouthing the brothers.

    She wants to move back to Cali to be close to her family. Some are in the truth some are not. Her immediate family are all in active or just not going to the meetings. She wants to go home to "save her family." I think thats a great idea for us to up and move. And once I'm out of NC I'm all the way out of the truth. No more going to meetings just to satisfy people. Finally I can live my life the way I want to.

    I told her as soon as I get to Cali I'm going to shave my head, pierce my ear and grow a beard. All the things I was never able to do.

    Our depature date is July 1st and by the the 5th of July I WILL BE FREE.

    Then maybe I can post my real name on the board.


    Knowledge Changes Everthing

  • Brummie
    Knowledge Changes Everthing

    even your home address huh.

    I know so many exjws who moved home just to be free of the WT and its shunning pressures. I felt like doing it too. You really shouldnt have to do it but I wish you the best of luck in your new freedom.


  • Dansk

    Hi Diamond,

    Sounds to me you could be jumping out of the frying pan and right into the fire. If your wife really wants to "save" her relatives that means she'll be a "good Dub" back home. This could cause dire ramifications for you. Your cards will be sent to your new congregation, you could be sought out by the local elders and DF'd! This could lead to marital problems.

    I don't think moving necessarily removes the problem(s), it could actually exacerbate them

    Then again, it could be the best thing you ever do. I'm rooting for you!


  • TresHappy

    Moving would have been the easiest for me, except I was too chicken...

    I am just glad to be rid of all those who formerly bugged me about this cult...

  • caligirl

    Well, it might not be that bad in reality. If all of her family are inactive and not attending, that inactivity just might rub off on her as well. Maybe her family has doubts and that is the reason they don't go, and their doubts might have influence on your wife where yours do not. Just trying to inject a little positive possibility into your scenario!

  • mustang


    I've done EXACTLY what you are describing. It was a partial success. My problem: I didn't get rid of the relatives. One pesky relative "dogged me" as JT calls it. ( I am now using NC & Cal. STALKING LAWS on him, to put teeth in LEAVE ME ALONE. NC Laws became effective last year, CA Laws are about 4 years old on this. You need something besides just being a JW to invoke this. )

    Get involved in WORK (if you can find it in California) and massive extracurricular activities. The work problems may force you to take two jobs :) This will help you with being consumed by the "cares of the world".

    California is absolutely wonderful for being able to lose oneself in distractions. In fact, JW's used to view California as a "Babylon" of bad influences.

    Thirty years ago I heard a CO describe Cal just that way; he had influenced people to move from California, to "where the need was great". Moving to NC from CA was considered to have "saved" these people from a great Babylon-like influence.

    Well, you can just reverse the process, find yourself, do some personal growth and lose those losers!!!

    Best wishes,


  • RunningMan

    I think that this will be a good move for you, at least religiously speaking.

    Your wife wants to save her family. Well, as the Society is so fond of saying "bad associations spoil useful habits". I like to reword it as "normality is contageous".

    I predict that your wife's family will have more influence on her than she has on them.

  • shamus

    LOL, normalty is contagious......
    Anyways, good luck to you!

    I found your post quite interesting.... shave your head, grow a beard... I did the exact same thing!!!

    When in the borg, I always wanted to have a beard. I finally grew it... only to shave it off b/c it made me look too old, and was too hot. When in the borg, they tried to reprove me b/c I had my head shaved down to like #1, and thought that I was a skinhead!!! I told the elders which hairdresser I went to - a black man whom lots of the brothers went to. It was simple - either I could produce a note to them stating that I did not look like a skinhead by my hairdresser or DROP IT. They finally did.... just one more X in their bad books!

  • 95stormfront
    Sounds to me you could be jumping out of the frying pan and right into the fire. If your wife really wants to "save" her relatives that means she'll be a "good Dub" back home.

    I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking this...

    I don't think she's as much ready to go back there to save her family as it is to go back there so that she'll have a support system in place just in case she decides to lose "you".

    I've found JWs to be quite clever at using the cover of claiming to do something for the benefit of others when all they're really doing is positioning the situation to benefit themselves.

    Watch your back!!!

  • Charmed

    Congrats on your move!! I wish I could move away too, but my husband's work demands we stay in Colorado. I'm so jealous of you!

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