Hello again

by BlackWolf 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • OnTheWayOut

    You stood your ground so well. You can be short on explanations with Mom and Dad if you are sure it will just hurt them to try to explain. But you have said so much and gotten so far, and you are a non-baptized human being with valid thoughts. Tell them what you think you need to. And you have helped your siblings so well. They may come around and be your best friends as adults because of your honesty and willingness to say what you said.

    I am also confident that your siblings have not looked anything JW up on the internet, but sooner or later they will.

    It sounds like you are prepared well to proceed with whatever comes your way. But I tend to agree that it is already time to make progress with the non-JW relatives. Thanks for the update.

  • C0ntr013r

    You may or may not want to do what I did since it might not work in your situation, but I had a discussion about shunning someone who is unbaptized with my relatives. And I managed to get them to agree with my position.

    The argument goes something like:

    Do you think that people should have religious freedom?


    Does not God want us to serve him of our own free volition?

    (They should agree with this)


    So am I free to make a decision about what I want to believe?


    Same argument as previous question


    "But if you don't choose God we wont have anything to do with you"

    Am I truly free to choose to believe what I want if you are threatening me with the loss of my family? Would Jehovah want me to serve him because you are threatening to disown me?

    I was brought up in this religion with no choice and if I am free to believe what I want, then I should get a free choice without any punishment.

    My relatives agreed with this line of reasoning, so you could try it if you find yourself in a potential shunning situation.

    However it might be more potent to just assume this is the case without a discussion and take the angle:

    I have been thinking a lot about this and I have come to the decision that I can't prove that this is the truth to my self. Thank you for letting me have my own opinions and choose my own path.

    Not sure which one is better or if either of them would work for you, I can only tell you what worked for me.

    Another tip that might backfire but thankfully worked for me, is to have them ask the elders and hopefully they will tell your parents that they need not shun you. (there is no JW doctrine requiring them to do so)

    My aunt went to the elders and asked if she could associate with me and they told her that it was fine as long as I don't try to unwitness to her, hehe :P (I had unwitnesses a little once in a while, so she was worried she might have to stop speaking with me)

    However, this could backfire if they tell your parents not to have contact with you...

    Best of luck regardless of how you choose to play it! :)

  • dontfitin

    I'm fully awake, my husband is "in but questioning". Our daughter, who had been treated horribly by the congregation for the simple reason that she didn't want to be a pioneer but go to college instead, decided at 17 that she did not want to pursue baptism and after she was 18 and had a choice did not want to go to meetings any more. Husband was disappointed but took it well. Husband agreed she is still welcome to live here if she continues to abide by common moral standards. (She is dating a very nice "worldy" boy, he's okay with that.) If she chooses not to, she won't be kicked out but understands it will probably be time for her to start looking for her own place.

    There is another family in the congregation who kicked out their unbaptized 18 year old because he didn't want to go to meetings. They were praised at the time, but now the father regrets it and told my husband, you're the only one who can decide what's right for your family, don't let anyone tell you differently.

    So, there's hope!

  • rebel8

    Good luck, Black Wolf.

  • dubstepped

    Hi Blackwolf, so glad to see you around again!

    You are a strong young lady. Keep resisting baptism, which you already know. I'm really glad that you got to talk to your siblings and I hope that you can continue a relationship with them over the years. Your parents will be gone someday but your siblings will likely be around much longer and be your longest relationships. With that said, do not beat yourself up for leaving. I know it puts your sister in a weird situation, but you can't afford to fall on the grenade here for her. You have to get out and start your life.

    Hopefully you find family to take you in or your parents let up, but the latter is doubtful. I just want you do know that the offer my wife and I made still stands if you end up needing it.

    Take care of yourself and keep in touch here with all of us. Feel free to pm me anytime or if you want to talk to my wife I'll give her my account.

  • Chook

    Black wolf , under no circumstances get baptised, it's all emotional blackmail. The least amount of ripples would be to tell parents you want to thoroughly study Jesus, and his baptism age is your starting point. Children having to choose between family and religion is terrible ,but remember they brought you to this cult , so don't beat yourself up to much. Your parents are victims of a slick advertising company, where possible give them slack but don't drink the Jw koolaid . When a bit lost come on here and there is plenty of good advice, wisdom is not far away.

  • zeb

    sound advice on your money saved up.

    • Do not keep it in the house but the bank.
    • Avoid buying car unless you have a good job to keep it.
    • Cars while terribly convenient are a bottomless pit for money.
    • When mother starts up about baptism tell her "You need to get out more" and leave the room or change the subject.

    wt mothers arrgh!

  • mentalclarity

    Hi BlackWolf,

    First of all, I know all too well how scary it can be to feel like you're disappointing your parents (even if you know logically it's the right thing to do). You naturally love them and wouldn't it be great if they supported all your decisions and showed you love regardless-but when it comes to JW's this just simply will not happen. Keep your expectations low- you'll never be able to explain it to them so don't dig yourself a deeper hole trying to. No is a complete sentence. "I don't feel this is right for me right now" and leave it at that. The pressure usually is too much for us and we have to move out. Depending on how active/strict your parents are they might make life quite difficult and just expect the emotional blackmail- it is what it is.

    What you are doing is incredibly brave and will serve your siblings well. If they see that you aren't a witness and your life turns out ok..this is actually even better than debating crazy doctrine with a JW. It's been my experience that success in my life is more threatening than convincing my family that their beliefs are crazy. You don't want to be labeled as an apostate-then the shunning will just escalate and they will feel justified.

    You will need a good support system. Start that now while you are at home. Non-jw family, non-jw friends and co-workers,etc... It's alot easier to move out when you have roommates,etc. Just from a logistical point.

    This is probably alot of info to take in but please remember this one lifelong lesson that took me almost 30 years to learn:

    You have the right as an individual to decide what is best for your life- whether other people agree or not is out of your control. You will disappoint them and they will react according to their belief system (for JW's this means witholding their love) which will hurt....but if you can learn this at 18 and accept it for what it is, I can promise you..your life will be amazing!!! There are so many wonderful people and opportunities that will love you and support you in the way that you need - you just have to find them.

    Good luck!

  • just fine
    just fine
    i hope it all works out for you. Keep planning and saving.
  • Steel

    Tell them you will do it for 100000 dollars cash money, tax free. Enough for a university education and seed money for a new life.

    If they want to make a mockery of it be just as stupid as them.

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