Hello again

by BlackWolf 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • BlackWolf

    Hello everyone, it's been a while since I've posted anything on here so I thought I might give an update. Next month I turn 18 and my mom is constantly berating me about getting baptized, so much so that my siblings have even told her to stop. Ive just been flat out telling her no which I know is irritating her. My parents may kick me out soon, so I've been trying to make plans about what to do and build up some courage. I've got a decent amount of money saved up, enough to buy a car or live off of for a while. I'm also trying to get in touch with some non jw family members to see if maybe I can stay with them for a little while.

    Anyways another thing I wanted to talk about is that I told my younger siblings (who are trustworthy don't worry) about how I don't want to be a jw and my plans to leave. Ive talked to my sister about it before but never my brothers and their reactions kind of surprised me. They totally understood me! Of course they are only 9 and 10 years old so they aren't as close minded, but still I'm so glad. Especially my youngest brother, who said he was glad for me and looked forward to being free when he became an adult as well. He told me how he thought the meetings were pointless and boring (like most kids) and that he thought that the paradise probably wouldn't happen. My older brother wasn't so sure but still agreed with some of the things we talked about and seemed to respect my decision. I hope that they stay this way, they are very smart and I would hate to see them waste their lives. They gave me some hope.

    I talked to my sister (she's 15) about it today as well. She is fully indoctrinated though so any good points I brought up she found some weird way to disagree. She did agree with some things though, like how the way women in the org are treated is unfair, and how some rules about things are pretty stupid. She ended up crying though and I felt bad, she said she didn't want me to leave her. We don't have any friends so I know it will be hard for her once I leave.

    What do you guys think of all this? My parents will probably start shunning me pretty soon because they think that "rejecting Jehovah" and not getting baptized isn't much different than getting disfellowshipped. I think this is unfair because I never chose this religion anyway, I was just born into it. Anyways if you are reading this, thanks. Sometimes venting like this helps get my thoughts into order.

  • stuckinarut2

    Hello. Thanks for sharing your update.

    You have been wise in saving up money and planning for places to move to.

    Contacting other releatives is a good move too. Ensure that those relatives can be trusted to support you unconditionally if you move out from your parents. Also make sure those relatives know the reason for your parents making you leave was because of releigious differences.

    Be cautious as to the friendship group you draw closer to once you leave. It is better to be a loner that get mixed up in the wrong group.

    Be safe. Much love from us.

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    If you don't want to move out, just bite your tongue - with all of your family.

    You shouldn't have a problem with your parents wanting to shun you, as long as you don't raise any apostate/atheist flags. Just act like their loving son who's simply "weakened & fallen away."

    If you don't rock the boat, you can carry on sailing with your parents and siblings. I wish you well.

  • Finkelstein

    Keep on saying no BlackWolf, but don't go into long drawn out reasons why with your mother if you don't want to stir up trouble upon yourself, remember your still living under her roof so to speak.

    Change the subject. this is a very sensitive issue with JWS, they are brainwashed to think that if your not baptized your going to die, to be short and to the point.

  • Splash

    Thanks for sharing your situation.

    Can I ask, did you, or do your siblings research everything online?

    I keep hearing that kids today look up everything online so I was interested to hear your view.

    You are very smart to avoid baptism. This is the metal hook that they string you up with for the rest of your life. The alternative is a final showdown with your mum and it won't be pleasant.

  • Incognito

    Great that you posted with an update. I've often wondered how your study with your father was going? Since you didn't mention it today, I expect the study eventually fizzled out.

    Glad to hear that you're sticking to your resolve in not being forced into baptism. It's always baffling how JWs teach Jehovah wants humans who only worship him voluntarily, but then turn around and justify forcing their children to become JWs under threat of expulsion from the home and from the family.

    Happy also to learn you've been saving money and are looking at options in-case you are forced from your parent's home. You appear to be a strong woman who is approaching this in a reasonable and balanced manner.

  • BlackWolf

    I don't know if my siblings looked anything up online or not, I assume my brothers haven't since they are kind of too young to understand this kind of stuff. I did though, that's the reason I'm on the forum.

  • BlackWolf

    Yeah my dad has quit the study, I guess he finally realized it was a lost cause. :)

  • Incognito

    If he hadn't 'studied' with the entire family on a regular basis previously, I doubt he stopped your study because he considers you to be a lost cause.

    If he conducts a study not because he wants to but only because that is what is expected of him, then the study is doomed to fail from the very start because his heart isn't into it. I understand you didn't want the study anyway, but don't take the fact that it fizzled-out as something against you personally.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    Just a few thoughts and questions to get a better sense of things as they are now so as to be more helpful:

    • I hope your money is in the bank rather than in your house somewhere, just in case your parents find it and decide to hold it hostage or if you lost it because house was broken into.
    • I'm assuming you have some sort of job, hence the savings you've accumulated.
    • It would be good for now to hold on to your money and use public transportation until you figure out where you're going to live, rather than buy a car which will eat up your funds and drain the rest on gas, insurance,repairs etc.
    • If your parents suspect you are influencing the rest of the kids, it could be the straw camel that broke the camel's back in terms of there being a chance you can continue staying at home. It might be good to curtail doing that.
    • I'm curious why it's taking so long to get in touch with your relatives as it seems like you've working on that for quite some time now.
    • Did you check with your local school district regarding help available to you in terms of counseling and education?
    • Some Towns/Cities /States have services to assist teens with seeking accommodations, have you checked to see what "Human Services" your State has to offer?
    • Sometimes when we are focused on outcome, we don't really think about what it will be like, the day after we reach our goal. Have you thought in detail what you imagine your first week, month, year away from home will be like and what your specific goals are?

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