Update on MIL shunning

by BeautifulMind 13 Replies latest jw experiences

  • BeautifulMind

    Hello on this beautiful Sunday! Just a quick little update to the post I made a few months ago about my MIL shunning us. Quick recap: during a convo after she attended the RC and was going on and on about how powerful it was and how great the videos were, blah, blah, blah...I couldn't take it anymore and told her that's not our lives anymore and I didn't want to hear anymore about it and to please respect that and move on to something else to talk about. But of course she was relentless in getting it out of me why, so I finally told her we don't believe in Jehovah anymore nor do we believe or follow any JW teachings/practices and we are done pretending we do. (We had been side stepping the issue for over a year to spare her feelings). She said she would do what jgod wanted her to do and stop talking to us - including her young grandchildren. I asked if she was really ok with doing that and she said yes because she knew she was making jgod happy by not talking to us because we turned our back on jgod. We havent heard from her since.

    Fast forward to a couple of days ago. She calls my husband to tell him about some family situation going on. He tells me it was a very quick call and at the end of the call she asked him to ask me to send her pictures of the boys. Lol, seriously? So she really thought she could indirectly ask to see the boys without even talking to me, after with much conviction just a few months ago told me she had no problem shunning her grandkids because jgod would be happy with her?. Nah, it don't work like that. The only way she will see her grandkids is through us, by talking to us like a normal person. Not dropping in and out of my babies lives when you miss them. I will not give you the satisfaction of seeing your grandkids through pictures while shunning us.

    Even though she didn't have the balls to call/text me directly, I sent her a nice little text. "Hi. I hope you are doing well. (Husband) told me you asked me to send you pics of the boys. So I just wanted you to know, like I said in our last conversation, you are more than welcome to come see the family whenever you like, you know the door is always open! Love you."

    So yeah, she tried that jw nonsense. Nope, not having it lol! Ok, on to football Sunday!! Have a good one.😀

  • freddo

    Not easy beautiful mind. Well done for sticking to your principles.

    Direct her to the FAQ on dotborg and ask her why it is different to the videos she sees at the assembly and the CLAM meeting.

    "Do Jehovah's Witnesses Shun Former Members of Their Religion?

    Those who were baptized as Jehovah’s Witnesses but no longer preach to others, perhaps even drifting away from association with fellow believers, are not shunned. In fact, we reach out to them and try to rekindle their spiritual interest.

  • freddo
    Those who were baptized as Jehovah’s Witnesses but no longer preach to others, perhaps even drifting away from association with fellow believers, are not shunned. In fact, we reach out to them and try to rekindle their spiritual interest.
    We do not automatically disfellowship someone who commits a serious sin. If, however, a baptized Witness makes a practice of breaking the Bible’s moral code and does not repent, he or she will be shunned or disfellowshipped. The Bible clearly states: “Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.”—1 Corinthians 5:13.
    What of a man who is disfellowshipped but whose wife and children are still Jehovah’s Witnesses? The religious ties he had with his family change, but blood ties remain. The marriage relationship and normal family affections and dealings continue.
  • biblexaminer

    Watchtower is full of hypocrisy. It's a way of life, for a dub.

  • dubstepped

    Awesome, good for you for sticking to your principles. Shame on her. What would Jehovah think, lol. Isn't that just like a jdub though, they get to determine what's right and wrong at their discretion for everyone.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    As a new grandfather, you have no idea how much it means to be able to see your grandchild until you have one. It was her decision to try and impose the "conditional" love of the Watchtower on your family. If that's the case, your "condition" is that the love of your family comes as a package deal. If she wants to see your children, she's got to treat the rest of you like she would any other family member.

    JW's expect everyone to tip-toe around their religious sensibilities while they bulldoze their way over yours. I don't like the idea of your kids not being able to know their grandparent but you didn't choose this. If you don't draw the line, this she'll have the upper hand and the convoluted on again off again shunning nonsense will be never ending.

  • steve2

    Your message to her was well-timed and to the point. Well done!

    As a typical JW, your Mom will play the victim card to the hilt. In talking to others in her congregation, she will portray herself as simply making a stand for Jehovah's organization and you being the apostate keeping her own grandchildren from her. Oh the poor, poor woman!She will "disappear" her own role in this outcome. She will get lots of concerned hugs and reassurances from her fellow JWs.

    Thus, she is the perfect JW: Self-centred and unwilling to see anyone else's point of view.

  • Diogenesister

    Freddo they are clever in using the example of a married man with wife and young children, by doing so they are reinforcing to witnesses to shun those not living under your roof regardless of relationship, whist fooling non witnesses that " normal family affection and dealings continue"

  • freddo


    Indeed. But it doesn't say "young" children and it doesn't say anything about which roof they live under. And Beautiful mind is not even DFD or DA'D so paragraph one applies.

    Of course for a JW to break the unwritten, the spoken behind the hand and the implied rules he/she needs to be prepared to stand up to the social pressure within dubland but for the reverse Nicodemus's amongst them there is that loophole.

  • OnTheWayOut

    I do love your response text. she is also putting more "blame" on you rather than her son. You spoke up first, so she decides she can briefly soeak to him.

    Stay strong.

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