Thanks everyone. No, it is not easy dealing with this but no one escapes this cult unscathed. But I'm not in it anymore and I refuse to let anyone still in control our lives.
Update on MIL shunning
She didn't give it much thought when she made her threat....realized she is punishing herself more than you two. There are times that I think jws use their interpretation of jw rules as a weapon and if they had not been a jw they would just find another "weapon" to get their way.
Even if she does come to see the kids, are you prepared to let your children suffer the emotional effects of having a grandma who is only OCCASIONALLY interested in seeing them?
Why not let grandma know she's either a full part of your children's lives (which includes the entire family) or NO PART. Playing games like that with children is abuse.
Zoos - she's not stepping foot in our house because we are "apostates". So I know for a fact she will never take me up on the offer. I told her the same thing 3 months ago at the end of our conversation, she's welcome to come over anytime. But we have the "demons" now, so diehard jw MIL wouldn't be caught anywhere near us. I know what I'm doing, and would never open my children up to abuse from that cult. The invitation was extended knowing she will never accept it. but thanks for your concern, much appreciated.