Should I just tell my parents

by BlackWolf 38 Replies latest jw friends

  • HBH

    Hi BW,

    Giving what I know, it is better to fade than to quit. You should wait till 18, but you can start your fade now. Here's why I think you should wait until 18. (and set up your aunt, and your life, for post 18)

    I think in FL, you can't move out without your parents consent until 18.

    Your father could be removed as elder if you tell.

    Post 18 fade excuses get easier ie working, busy, depressed, sick, confused......whatever.

    Tough it out now, and do everything you can to pre-fade, get out of the house, try to meet others outside the BORG, and set up your life, and I think that would do the least damage.

    Keep posting, we care!


  • kairos

    My opinion:

    Speak openly and freely to your nonJW aunt and make for certain you can move right in with her if your parents eject you from the house.

    When you have a plan in place spend as much time as you need to completely compose yourself in mind and on paper. Ask to sit with mom and dad. Tell them you need to speak openly, freely and without interruption, judgement or accusation. If they agree to hear you out, calmly and logically explain TTATT and why you are NOT going to get baptized or EVER become a JW in the future.


    The Ball is now solidly in their court, isn't it?
    They assured you they would not judge or accuse you. Listen to what they say. What they 'offer'. Respectfully hear them out. ( don't interrupt or feed into their emotional pleas ) This is why you must be emotionally prepared to experience the worst well ahead of time.

    If they respect you as their child and allow you to be yourself until you decide to leave home, all is fine.

    Enjoy life!

    Anything else they may do that violates you as a person, remember, you already have 'the plan' in place. Make the phone call to your aunt and pack your bags.

    Enjoy life!


    I would only suggest this if you have already emotionally prepared yourself for a lifetime of shunning... They may have misplaced their own loyalty and an absence of natural family bond or love because of the cult.

    Either outcome allows you to "Enjoy life".
    I hoped you noticed that. It really is all up to you.

    Take your time if you need to.

    Choose wisely. You get one shot at life.

  • kairos

    You don't need to try and convince them to leave WT.

    Don't feel obligated to tell them everything or anything about the ORG.
    That will be decided solely by you. ( you are not baptized )

    It's you that is leaving. That is the message that needs to be received.
    How you deliver it is yet to be seen.


    best to you

  • nonjwspouse

    On youtube, find AnonDude2 channel, his many apostacy hearings and his commentary. This guy, an underage Ethan living at home, held his own through hours of questioning. He was disfellowshipped eventually, but his ability to counter everything they said, plus with dignity and politeness, is astounding.

    He had to have put so much time and effort into his research and thinking. And to keep his cool like that is impressive! It can be a challenge to keep you occupied. Pick apart all the WT, all the talks, etc. write this stuff down ( but hide it, obviously) or record it like Ethan did. ( However his youtube channel is what got him "caught". ) You could become an expert at responding to the doctrine, taking the wind out of the sails, etc.

    it might not be your cup of tea, and may be too mentally disgusting for you. But it might be a way to stay home yet deeply educate yourself in all things WT that can be refuted so easily, once the time comes when or if you wish to break the ties. if you want to fade, even then you may have the beginnings of a nice book.

  • BlackWolf

    Thanks for your advice :) I most likely won't tell my parents about it right now, I will try to wait until I am more prepared to move out. I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed today and wanted to talk to you guys on here before I made any rash decisions. Thanks for being so supportive.

  • Island Man
    Island Man

    I have an idea that just might work. It's a little manipulative but I think it will work.

    Do some research on the symptoms of severe anxiety and start acting as if you have severe anxiety when at school. This will likely result in you being sent to the principal or school counselor. When that happens tell your school counselor or principal of your fears of what will happen if you come out to your parents.

    The end result is that your parents will tend to go out of their way to allay your fears by reassuring you that you have nothing to worry about and they will not force their beliefs on you. They will be walking on eggshells to prove your fears wrong.

  • snare&racket

    Just remember you are the normal, healthy one in amongst a sea of brainwashed and scared individuals.

    It is VERY important you realise that this is very serious, these people do not mess about. Shunning is for REAL and for LIFE.

    If I was you, work hard at school. Get into university/college. Slowly drift out the JW's the whole time. This way you get to enjoy college, be independent, have a future and a career if you work hard and it all buys you time to establish independence.

    Maybe your aunt could be a really useful safety net for all this X

  • BlackWolf

    Well scratch what I just said :( What started with me being a little upset turned into a full blown argument with my parents! I didn't intend for it to be that way but my dad told me he already knew how I felt! They forced me to make a deal with them to try to be a really good jw until I turn 18, and then if I decide I don't want to be a jw they will kick me to the curb!! I can't believe this happened, the act I've kept for so long has been ruined. I tried to reason with them but they just said that I was being influenced by Satan, which drives me insane! My parents are more cruel and unloving than I ever thought. :( I feel like I have no hope, they are complete nuts. I know they are victims but still, I can't believe this!

  • just fine
    just fine

    It will be ok. There is hope - you have one year to make plan. You can't change them, all you can do is deal with them knowing they are in a cult.

    i was scared when I left too, but it all turned out good in the end. You will find your way. Hugs and love to you.

  • Listener

    They must be very strange people Blackwolf. They have given you no incentive to remain a good JW until you are 18. Also, for them to know you can put on an act makes their own religious beliefs a farce.

    At least you know where you stand and have some time to make plans.

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