Should I just tell my parents

by BlackWolf 38 Replies latest jw friends

  • BlackWolf

    Lately I've been feeling just so fed up with this stupid religion I really can't take it anymore! I'm starting to think that maybe I should just tell my parents how I really feel. If they treat me too badly or kick me out I could probably stay with my non jw aunt.

    Ive just reached my breaking point, I don't really care what people think of me anymore. If my parents love really is only conditional (which I think it is) then there's no point in trying to make them happy anyway. The people at my hall are all jerks though, I don't care if they don't like me anymore. I'm only an unbaptized publisher, so I can't be shunned too badly, but my dad is an elder so he may decide to be done with me.

    I'm really scared and I don't want this life anymore :( I want to leave so badly. I will be 17 next month but I don't think I can wait another year. Do you guys have any advice? I will have to tell them eventually anyway, I get the feeling that they know I'm not very "spiritually strong" anyways.

  • slimboyfat

    Every situation is different. But in general, if in doubt, I wouldn't risk being completely honest with your parents about wanting to leave. If the options are 1) make excuses for not going and drift away gradually and keep relationship, and 2) tell them what you think and stop going abruptly and they cut you off. I'd say it's probably worth doing 1) if those are the options, depending on how much you value the relationship. You need to weigh up what their reactions are likely to be and how many meetings you can endure and how important it is for you that you say what you are really thinking.

  • FayeDunaway

    Talk with your non JW aunt and make sure you are on the same page, just in case.

    I don't know if you should tell your parents. Please think about it some more. But the first thing you should do is make SURE you have somewhere to go if the worst happens.

    I am so sorry for both you and your parents, who are subject to a terrible organization telling them how to think and how to feel, that only cares about its own power, no matter what it does to families.

  • Crazyguy

    Do whatever you can to stay where your at and get all your ducks in a row. Just make a game out of it while your stuck. Play along to get along. Then when you have your affairs in order and can not only take care of yourself but thrive, move out. Don't cut ties with your parents. Remember thier victims too. Most kids go off and make a life and do very little JW stuff. Your parents will hope you become more regular or return to jah organization and may actually treat you better hoping they can win you back.

  • OneEyedJoe

    That's a really tough spot to be in. I'm usually of the opinion that you're best off bit boxing yourself in, i.e. try to keep as many future options open as possible. Would it be possible to pitch living with your aunt without going full apostate on them? Depending on what your parents are like, they may be more likely to let you go if you don't tell them your reason is to get out of the cult. Telling them you don't believe it may mean they try to push it on you harder.

    Also, try not to limit yourself to thinking there's only two options. There may be other choices that are less obvious that get you the desired result, perhaps with less cost.

    Sorry this probably isn't too helpful. I feel for ya, you're in a shit situation. It is temporary, though. You'll get through this no matter what happens.

  • Gayle

    Are you in just your last year of school? Can you absorb yourself in books and your artwork; things as stepping stones for a plan to college or university? Do you go to public school? Best to wait another year? A lot to plan. Perhaps your aunt could help you plan, but don't rush out. This next year will go faster if you have a plan. So many best wishes to you!

  • 2badsosad

    You're in a really tough spot. On a plus side, you are un-baptized, and you realize you don't want to give your life to this religion. As was mentioned above, trying to remember that your parents are victims in a way is helpful to put some perspective on things as well. I'm going through some challenging times right now myself, and I often get the urge to just want to throw the towel in and tell everyone to f' off (I'm fading and all my family - including wife are believing JW's). I'm trying to follow my therapists advice though and take things slowly. Blowing up too many things at once may create some undesired consequences. So I'm trying to take things one step at a time. It's been hard, but I'm seeing some pluses. A couple weeks ago I wasn't sure if my wife and I had any future, but just last night I saw some cracks in her JW armour. Had I blown up, I might have lost a 20 year relationship.

    So I can't really comment on your situation, I don't know you personally or what you're going through. But I can relate from my own. I've been tempted many times to run from it all, and maybe I'll still do that one day, but I've found that at least so far, following the advice of my professional therapists has been working okay. I've been going slow and not doing anything rash. But that's just my situation.

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    What Faye said about developing a relationship with your aunt. Maybe she can take you in after you turn 18. Just enough to get your bearings straight and not make any major mistakes.

  • stuckinarut2

    Yes, wise advice above!

    With this years convention videos being so strong about shunning those who "don't want the truth", it is not the best time to announce that to your parents, especially if your dad is an elder!

    Also, as wisely said above...use this time to get things in order. Have an honest chat with your aunt.

    Don't do anything too rash while you are under the age of 18. Wait just a little bit longer.

    And remember, when it all seems to be getting too much, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We are all here with you in spirit and understand the frustrated feelings you must be experiencing. Come and vent here!

    Also, do you have a teacher or guidance counsellor at school you can trust and open up to?

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    Stuckinarut and others, BlackWolf is homeschooled by her parents.

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