Hi I'm new to the site
Hi everyone, I've just registered and thought i might introduce myself and tell my experience. My name's Raquel.
I was born into a jw family. I started leading a double life around 14y/o and got caught drinking by another sister when i was 15 and saw that as my opportunity to quit the panthomime and stopped going to the meetings.
I started working when i was 16 and suddenly found myself with freedom that i had never had. I would say i had a nice childhood but as you all will know, growing up in "the truth" isn't exactly about making decisions for yourself or not being controlled at every second of your life (by others but in my case mainly myself)
To make a long story short, i spent the rest of my teens and half of my twenties partying drinking doing drugs doing anything to keep my mind busy. I was lucky enough to not have been shunned or kicked out of the house but i didnt have any type of relationship with my parents and wanted to avoid being home as much as possible.
I've been sober for 5 years now and have had the clarity to be able to have a look at myself and what ive been running from. This June I will have been inactive (was never baptised) for 16 years but i only had the courage to slowly start investigating the organization a year ago.. i have only truly woken up and realised the level of brainwashing most of my family is going through and has also affected me so deeply a month ago.
I have felt so guilty for "knowing the way of the lord" and not following it, thinking of loopholes to still be saved at armagedon and sporadicly thinking about returning up until the moment i stumbled across john ceddars videos about a month ago.
To be honest im not sure if im relieved or enfuriated! What huge scam...
I must say that after reading others experiences i feel so lucky to have a great relationship with all of my family and to have spent more that half of my life out of the organization.
I have always been afraid of being branded an apostate but now i cant help but want to read more and know more. This is the most i have spoken out but it wont be the last.
Welcome to the forum Raque Invierno.
You said, in part, "... I stumbled across john ceddars videos about a month ago."
Which proves the old saying that even a jackass can be useful if his nose is pointed in the right direction.
Eventually you will realize that John Cedars is about as big a self-serving blockhead as a self-serving blockhead can get, but if he has helped you to see "The Truth About 'The Truth'" then he has done a good deed.
Let me offer you some soothing balm:
To be honest im not sure if im relieved or infuriated! What huge scam...
Welcome to the forum Raque Invierno
I think bares well to keep in mind that this religion has a publishing house operating at its core, which is why its doctrines were so pretentiously corrupt and maligning.
Its always a problematic social occurrence to accept one man or a group of men's acclamation that god has chosen them and theretofore they have divine god given powers, this folly of delusion can be seen in the JWS religion as well.
In reality these men have chosen god to self empower themselves and that's where the inherent problem lies.
Congratulations on waking up. There are many who left the JW's and did not learn that they are not "the truth" so you are doing great. Great to shake off that guilt, huh? As far as what you feel, it's like the stages of grief- you will go through various emotions depending on situations and things that trigger thoughts like birthdays and holidays or when you see JW's on the street. You just allow yourself to go through those emotions, it's okay.
I am sober today, taking things day-by-day. I fell off that wagon a couple of times when I found out about the lies in Watchtower, but I kept getting back on board with my sobriety. Strength to you.
Welcome! Glad you never got baptized! Saved you a lot of pain and kept you free.
Thanks for the welcome
Cofty- yesss jwfacts has also been one of my recent discoveries still have a lot of investigating to do though 😊
Finklestein- it has taken years for that fact to dawn on me..such a pretencious group of manipulating (bleeps) i kinda feel sorry for them at the same time bc i think they actually believe the things as they are making them up. I've also had dreams/ hallusinations that jehovah was calling me back to him bc these are the last days....powerful how the mind works..it will believe anything it's heard enough times XD
Nathan Natas- thnx for the beautiful song/ video had to laugh at your john cedars heads up. I like how i can see the "best bits" of conventions awake...so eye opening seeing from the outside..not the only source im sticking to but he did, as you say, point me in the right direction..and voilá here i am
Onthewayout- thanks! Strength to you too. Day by day ✔ I live 10 metres away from a kh so see jws quite often. had never though of the stages of grief in this case...want to think im accepting my newfound truth progressivly. And yes shaking off the guilt is one of the best things ever.
Never a jw- absolutely! My dad once talked me out of it when i was 12 😅 i now see how life changing that 5 min conversation was.
My close friends have seen how i have been on the bringe of returning (about 6/7 times over the space of 16 years) and have listened to me but this is honestly the first time i've felt understood.
Be sure to read Ray Franz's book Crisis of Conscience.
...my opportunity to quit the panthomime...
Love the expression! So many Jehovah's Witnesses are simply going through the motions, even those who still believe.
Welcome to the board and to your freedom.