Jesus walked into a bar...

by Slidin Fast 30 Replies latest social humour

  • OnTheWayOut
    How do we know Jesus was black? He called everyone brother and couldn't get a fair trial.

    And don't forget this- He liked Gospel.

    Jesus walks into a hotel, throws three nails down on the reception desk and asks, "Can you put me up for the night?"

  • OnTheWayOut
    How do we know Jesus was black? He called everyone brother and couldn't get a fair trial.

    There were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

    1. He went into His Father's business

    2. He lived at home until he was 33

    3. He was sure his Mother was an actual virgin and his biological Mother and she kept saying she was sure He was God.

      But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian :

      1. He never cut His hair

      2. He walked around barefoot all the time

      3. He started a new religion

  • slimboyfat

    After all these terrible jokes I had to visit my doctor.

    I also told him how on Mondays I feel like Donald Duck and on Tuesdays I feel like Mickey Mouse.

    He says to me, how long have you been having these Disney spells?

    Then he told me it looks like I've got Tom Jones disease.

    I said, is that a rare condition?

    He sald, it's not unusual.

    I also mentioned about me shrinking.

    He said: you'll just have to be a little patient!

  • mrquik

    Caesar's birthday is fast approaching & his advisors are worried about what to do for the event. One finally comes up with a brilliant idea. " We'll throw him a birthday parade. We'll line the Appian Way with crucifixes with Christians on them. As he passes by, we'll light them on fire." "Excellent idea" they all agree. As Caesar leads his birthday parade, he notices one Christian on fire trying to speak. " Stop the procession & put that man out. I must hear his profound last words." So they extinguish the man out & put a ladder next to him. Caesar climbs & puts his ear the to the man's lips as he sings his last words .........HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU...... !

    I know it's sick; but you're laughing too....

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    A Jewish man and Catholic woman were married and they had both a Priest and a Rabbi perform the ceremony.

    Although it was obvious to those in attendance that each religious man was trying to out do the other, they were polite about it and things went surprisingly well until everyone gathered outside to see the newlyweds off on their Honeymoon.

    As the young couple climbed into their limousine, the Priest sprinkled Holy water over the vehicle. Upon seeing this, and not to be outdone, the Rabbi snipped an inch off of the cars tail pipe.

    What's 668 ?

    668 is the Next Door Neighbor of the Wild Beast.

  • Cold Steel
    Cold Steel

    The day is busy at Bethel. People walking the halls and carrying on their daily duties. In the offices of the Governing Body a phone rings. Mark Sanderson happens to be walking by and answers it.

    "Uh-huh," he says. "I see. Okay, I'll tell the others."

    Anthony Morris comes walking by and notices Sanderson is white as a sheet.

    "What's wrong," he says.

    "I've got some good news and some bad news," Sanderson says.

    "Well," says Morris, "what's the good news?"

    "Jesus has returned!"

    "Whaaaaa?" says Morris. "That's great! So what's the bad news?"

    Sanderson sits down and loosens his tie. "He just called from Salt Lake City!"

  • Luo bou to
    Luo bou to

    JC offers to cure invalid who refuses but why says JC I don't want to lose my disability pension says invalid

  • nancy drew
    nancy drew

    It was happy hour and Jesus walked into the bar and the drinks and snacks just kept multiplying and after everyone was blasted he said"we need some to go bags for the leftovers". Then he handed us some whips and said let's head over to the temple for some fun and so we all grabbed our whips and headed over to the temple food trucks. Jesus was pumped and all I remember was the sound of broken glass and yelling. Money was flying through the air and dogs were feasting on the barbecue. WOW Jesus was out of control.

  • sparky1

    Jesus walks into a bar............

    "What can I get for you?" - Bartender

    "Just a beer." - Jesus

    "Bad day?" - Bartender

    "That's none of your business, but if you must know, I've just been hanging around all day !" - Jesus

    "I'm just trying to be friendly. Don't get cross with me!"- Bartender

  • TerryWalstrom

    I like religious jokes but Jewish jokes are the funniest.

    The people questioned him: "Are you really a Martian?"
    "Of course."
    "Do all Martians look like you?"
    "Of course."
    "Are you all green?"
    "Yes, we are."
    "Do you all have those antennae coming out of your heads?"
    "And do you all wear those funny things on your heads?"
    "Well, no. Not the Goyim!"

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