I love my family. But I've been stressed and depressed because of them. And I just need to gain some understanding.
Being raised in a JW family laid alot of pressure and guilt on me. And now I'm finding myself having a hard time making a full transition to adulthood. I'm 22 years old, but still having problems with being independent. When I do try to make decisions for myself, I find myself being told that I'm just a child who doesn't know anything and that if I do what they oppose to, then I'd make Jehovah unhappy and make Satan smile. That has always been used against me. "Jehovah doesn't like that." "Oh, you want to make satan happy?"
I made the choice to make a 4 day trip to New York for personal reasons that they disagree with. Once again it was explained that I'm not mature enough to go and that if I go, I'd go against Jehovah because New York is a filthy and dangerous place. I've been in a relationship for 6 years. And yes, he's not in the "truth". But to be honest, I never intended on being in a relationship with another JW because I'm sick of the strict nature. I'm sick of the attitudes everytime I go to a meeting. The gossip and judgements. And I've been labeled a "rebel" because of that. I'm trying to move forward with my life.
People say to just move out, but my family are ridiculous and actually try to literally block me on some things. One independent move sends them up in arms and literally in my face trying to put me back in my place. I found myself on the phone with my grandfather tonight.... and that nearly broke my heart how he shot me down. I felt so belittled.
"You're nothing but a child and know nothing. Listen to your mother and do what she says. Do you want to make Jehovah unhappy? Jehovah wants you to do the right thing. And that is to listen to your mother."
He then went on telling me about horror stories about New York. I could be attacked, raped... he was putting the fear into me trying to make me change my mind. Why? Because my mother called him and asked him to "talk" to me.
I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes because I just don't understand. Am I the crazy one?
What is wrong with my family?