Hatred From My Children for Not Leaving the Organization Earlier

by new boy 39 Replies latest jw friends

  • new boy
    new boy

    I'm not proud of the fact that it took me over 50 years to realized what the organization really was and to finally leave it. Not proud at all, I feel pretty stupid.

    I started to realize that the organization was bull shit about four to five years before I actually made the brake.

    I like so many others here, was hesitant and not ready to lose everything I had....to lose the only world I had ever known. My wife, friends and family and even my two children. In my heart I felt my children would make the brake too back then, but there was no guarantees for sure and it could have gone either way.

    This is an old story that has been played out many times. Half the kids stay in the "Borg" while the other half leave and make their break to freedom.

    When the brake came, when the spinning plates came crashing down I did lose all those things, a 27 marriage, all my "friends" and most my family. No regrets... It was the best move of my life.

    However I didn't lose my children. They were adults at the time. Me leaving confirmed the doubts they too were having about the Watchtower Bible and Truck Society. So they too have left with no regrets. So happy ending right....not quite.

    Last October my son confronted me. He was very angry about how his life had gone.

    Like many here he wasn't angry about leaving the Jehovah's Witnesses. He was angry about having been one for 21 years. He was totally pissed off about all the things he had to give up being raised as a Jehovah's Witness, school sports, friends, dating, etc etc ...you know a normal life. I can't say I blame him, because I had lost the same things too.

    However, I was surprised when he turned this rage towards me. Since he knew I hadn't agreed with their program many years before I left. Evidently by me not leaving years earlier I had screwed up his life.

    I guess he is right. I should have stood up and called bull shit years before I did. I guess I caused just as much damage staying in as I did by leaving.

    However if I had left years earlier he and his sister would have been in their earlier teens. Their JW mother would have got custody of them. In which case they still would have been raised as a JW anyway. I feel there would be a higher possiblity their staunch JW mother could have now fully brain wash them further.

    Would they still would leave the organization years later....who knows.

    Whats the point of all this... I don't know.

    Maybe the point is that there is going to be damage anytime you are leaving an occult.

    Pay the doctor now or pay the doctor later...but you will be paying the doctor!

    There is no easy out.

    New Boy

  • James Jack
    James Jack

    Where you in any positions of Oversight? This messes with your Brain even deeper.

  • new boy
    new boy

    No after leaving Bethel, I decided I would never be in a position of oversight because I saw what power did to people. I probably hold the record for being MS for the longest period in the society's history... lol

  • Giordano

    All over the world there are people who wake up to the nonsense they believed. But waking up is only the start of the trip you are going to have to make and it will affect close family members.

    Who would have thought they were doing the right thing by their children if they abruptly left the religion of their birth?

    Will the marriage fail if you leave, will you lose your children?

    What happens if they have an accident and need a blood transfusion and your not in their life any longer?

    Your kids didn't want for shelter or a roof over their heads nor an education. They had access to the wider world, they went to school and had friends there.

    I lived a pretty normal life as a young JW...... it wasn't all bad. Friends at the KH, met tons of peoplemy age at Assemblies. etc. Then went to pioneer where the need was great but when you start to 'wake up' it takes time especially back in the day without jwfacts.com or the internet etc.

    It took me about three years to fully understand that this wasn't the truth. It's tough to be the only one who realizes the truth about the truth. Of all my family and close friends how could I have been right and they couldn't see it? I thought I was missing something. Deprogramming yourself is a bitch. If your a hard core JW you are literally pulling yourself apart.

    Tell your son to count his blessings.....you helped him out of a cult. That's a gift that keeps on giving.

  • humbled

    New Boy, You did the best you could. That you left at all says it.

    Your kids are not seasoned in life. Maybe never will go through anything like you did— not even a divorce is thehrad f**k that religion is. And theJW religion! Whew! A closed system. Wow.

    Just hold your peace. Considering all, they should just love the hell out of you.

  • Vanderhoven7

    Did you explain to your son what you explained to us? If so, did he at least acknowledge you were between a rock and a hard place? Forgiveness comes easier with understanding.

  • carla

    I'm sorry for all the losses due to the cult. Give your child some time and they will come to understand at some point. It seems to me that many ex jw's go through an anger period after finding out the truth about the truth (TATT) and rightly so, in my opinion. It may take some time, just keep showing him unconditional love.

    Wishing you and yours all the best moving forward.

  • new boy
    new boy


    My children and I have been out for 17 years...

    Even my grand children are dealing with the effects of how my children (their parents) have been raised.

    The sad true is, it will take a couple of generations to get this nasty shit completely out of our lives.

  • new boy
    new boy

    So if you are thinking of leaving, remember everyday you wait you are adding one more day in the many years it will take to clean this cancerous thought system it out of your lives....if in fact that is even a possiblity, as my our family can attest to.

  • Diogenesister
    New boy The sad true is, it will take a couple of generations to get this nasty shit completely out of our lives.

    This is So So true.

    Its what many people don't understand about a damage so great. Can you imagine what slavery did? Still echoing down the generations....

    Its also true that children turn their ire toward the parent that's closest to them. Presumably they have little contact with their mother. That probably hurts, So dad gets the crap for that, too. I'm so sorry ..the worst thing is, as a born in, you probably understand!!! You then find it difficult to get mad back at him! All in all though, when you think of all the lonely folks with no one because of the cult, he got off pretty lucky, and he must know it deep down. I'm so sorry new boy, that's the worse thing with our kids, you gotta grin and bear it.😞

Share this