Please i need guidance

by alex_Am 19 Replies latest jw experiences

  • SnakesInTheTower

    Not to put a too sharp a point on it, but in the minds of the Witnesses, YOU are a "worldly person", i.e., an undesirable in their world if you don't convert to JW.

    On the other hand, the girl you are "dating" would not be considered a "strong" Witness if she is dating, a) at all at a young age, b) dating a "worldly" person.

    Good that are you are thinking things through. We might have good intentions giving you advice, but we are strangers.

    So, my advice to you comes from TWO poinnts of view: I am the father of a 14 year,old son AND I am a former elder in the Witnesses and left the cult. MY ADVICE ...kindly, gently, stop dating her. You are too young, and the cult is dangerous. Be friendly, but put some distance emotionally between you. Cool down.

    If in a few years she leaves the cult ON HER OWN NOT FOR YOU and you reconnect later in life, that would be great...but don't hold your breath.

    I wish you well young man.

    Snakes (Rich)

  • never a jw
    never a jw
    You are better off searching for the woman of your dreams elsewhere. Half of your girlfriend, the part you know, meets the criteria of the "girl of your dreams"; the other half meets the criteria of "your worst nightmare". Don't settle for half good, especially when the other half is so bad.
  • Xanthippe

    Hi Alex_Am. You are in love with a beautiful person with a lovely personality. I can completely understand that. I am a mother of a twenty year old daughter whom I love with all my heart. My greatest wish has always been for her happiness. I naturally don't want her to suffer terrible emotional pain, but it is inevitable I'm afraid, that's human life. I have just tried to tell her everything I know about life and also teach her to think for herself so she can maximise the happiness and minimise the pain.

    So that's why I worry about you Alex. I know breaking up with your girlfriend will cause you pain but it will cause you even worse pain to join this cult. It ruined my young life, I don't want it to ruin yours.

    It's not just a normal religion, it's abusive and it damages people. It's a good sign your girlfriend is dating outside of the religion, but do her parents know? Are you just meeting at school? Does she strongly believe or does she talk about leaving?

    I know it's hard but if you were my son I would say please don't cause yourself pain for many years to come by marrying in to this cult. If you then have children you will be trapped. An outsider with your whole family being indoctrinated and looking at you as a bad person unless you pretend to believe every word. You don't want to live like that do you? I would hate my daughter to live like that.

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    Hi Alex, welcome. You are clearly very mature enough to be searching for advice and answers.

    As someone who was a very zealous J.W. - and is still viewed as such by my former congregation - I give you my word that you and your love are facing a very unpleasant time ahead from both her elders and those in her congregation, because they will isolate themselves socially from you both if you do not become a J.W.

    I know this is a fact - from family experience. Be prepared for a lot of tears, because your girl may eventually have to choose between you and all of her family and friends.

    While you are here, ask & learn about facts - that way you'll be able to handle any challenges J.W.'s hit you with.

    Best wishes for your future.

  • Splash

    Thinking about planning the rest of your life at 14?
    Wow, I was still into computer games and sports, not mortgages and other lifetime commitments!

    You already demonstrate that you are an incisive thinker, well done. This is a very bad quality in WT world and you will be reprimanded for it.

    My prediction if you join up in order to please everyone else and get your girl is that you will at some future point realise the mistake you made, and have to leave anyway. Doing this after joining the JW's will be far more traumatic to you both, and any family you may have by then.

    If she loves you as much as you love her then wait until she decides for herself to leave the WT and join you.

  • Diogenesister

    As a mother, I can say of the two of you you are in far the best position. You have all options open to you that a normal 14 year old has - to have a girlfriend or not, to play sports or join a club, to go to college or become an apprentice, to study the arts or the sciences, to learn an instrument or join the scouts, the world is your oyster.

    Not so for your young lady, her options are severely limited. She has, effectively two choices. To do all of those things I've listed (and more)and loose all her friends and family for the rest of her life, or become a 'baptised publisher' - the clue is in the name - effectively a magazine salesman for the Watchtower corporation in order that her loving god will not destroy her in some ghastly way at armaggedon.

    The choice is really that stark. I am sorry to be the harbenger of such news. Take your time, (you have all the time in the world as armaggedon is NOT going to happen anytime soon!) perhaps try to establish how commited she is. If she has doubts perhaps you could peruse JW together. If she is commited you have a problem. But whatever she decides it must be on her own terms and not for you and vice versa, it will only lead to resentment.

    Oh & try & focus on working on yourself - educationally, physically, emotionally & artistically. That way you will find happiness from within ( oh and be a better catch for her or whoever rolls along!)

    All the very very best Sister D

  • punkofnice
    im only 14

    Stop right there. Too young as you suggest.

    By the time you're 40, you probably won't even remember her or your tastes will have changed. You'll probably look back and say, 'Blimey, mate. What did I see in that old crab?'

  • OnTheWayOut

    If you want to join a dangerous mind control cult, the Jehovah's Witnesses, and give up having a decent wage for all your life because you will be discouraged from college or serious careers so that you can devote all your time to Watchtower, and if you think you can do this and remain pure around this girl- no sex and no french kissing sessions- until you are married at a young age (you will want to marry young because young people want sex so badly especially when they are truly in love and Jehovah's Witnesses will make sure you have only marriage sex), then maybe you can do all that for this girl.

    The alternative is to cause her to violate the Jehovah's Witness rules and do something with you. Then she will hate you for causing her family and friends to shun her, and she will probably eventually leave you and try to go back to the Jehovah's Witnesses.

    Romeo and Juliette is a great story about young love. Look up how poorly their story ended for them.

    And when you try to dismiss adults who speak of your youth, your puppy love- remember that we were all there at one time. Most of us were in love at a young age and the vast majority of us know what you are feeling, and that you can get through your hormone-crazy youth without joining a cult.

    If you really love this girl, tell her to be with her family until she is a young adult, then to come back to you. True love can wait 4 or 5 years.

  • FayeDunaway
    Tell her you have read about her religion and you know it is a destructive cult, and you care about her and you hope she will leave it some day. Tell her never to get baptized (that part is imperative). If she never gets baptized, she can leave it and be with you someday and still be able to speak to her family.
  • Kick50r

    Hello Alex , and congratulations for informing yourself before making decisions .Although you say you are 14 you act as a lot older.My advice to you is continue to inform yourself, so you can achieve what you want : Be happy.

    Be aware , that , with your thinking mind , you are a menace to any organization that demands blind obedience, As you are only 14 you cant just move in with her or support her, and ATM , her parents decide.

    BE SMART. Make your own luck. Get into a gym , Study hard, and get the best job you can. Then , if that girl is still your dream girl, fight for her without going against her parents, they love her very much , but are blinded.

    All the best

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