Please i need guidance

by alex_Am 19 Replies latest jw experiences

  • alex_Am
    I know im young. I know i still have so much to learn i mean im only 14 but but even at a young age i have learned and i know what love is. This is where the problem comes in. I am christian i am not a Jehovah's witness but i have dated a girl who is one and i have loved and dated her for year but i know one of us will have to make a choice eventually.i know it is frowned upon dating outside the religion because dating is supposed to lead to marriage. i have learned, i have read so much about this religion and i know that if i ever want her family to accept me i will have to make a sacrafice and i know that this alot to think about at such a young age but as i spend more and more time with her talkin to her hours on end seeing her beautiful smile every single day made me realize there are other guys out there she could have dated but she dated me out of all the better looking guys and everything and that i need to think about the future, and more importantly my future with her and i cant ask my girlfriend to ever go against her religion i would never do that too her to have her be sunned by everybody that ever cared about her so i ask for anybody who has any ideas to please share them to me and to anybody who may be reading this. I dont ask you guys just as jehovahs witness but also im asking you guys as a person, as a parent, as a friend to help me and i know most people who read this will either ignore it or just think that i dont know what love is but as i get older i realize i have never felt this way about a person and i know when i look back on this when im older i will know that i was and truly am in love so please what would u do if u were me what do you suggest i do and please im not asking to convert right now i just wanna know your opinions. thank u im just happy you took the time to read this.
  • Crazyguy
    She maybe the greatest person in the world but this religion will make her and you miserable in time. If you we're to marry her in a few years you will be expected to live in ignorance, become a slave to the religion, be poor, destroy your future and your kids future all the while waiting around for a paradise and a promise to live forever that will never come. You have one life to live and only one, don't waste it for anyone!
  • rebel8

    You will get lots of replies, sweetie. :)

    Read up on cults. This is not a normal, mainstream religion. It's a high control group that's dangerous, tears apart relationships, brings a lot of sadness and even deaths.

    Here's some things you can't do if you're a jw. She will have to follow these, and if she doesn't, she'll get in trouble.

    Here's some more important info.

  • sparrowdown
    Just wait and see. No need to rush into a religious or romantic committment.
  • Finkelstein

    One thing to realize is that if she is a deeply devout JWS .. ie. , goes out in service she will never marry someone who isn't JWS or wants to at least become one. Not all JWS are deeply devout, you have to ascertain that yourself.

    Marriages that occur on the premise that another will eventuate themselves in this religion usually fail.

    If she is then you have only one choice and that is become a JWS .......... period

    This is a highly controlling religious cult, not your easy going main steam derivative of Christianity.

  • JWdaughter

    I believe that you truly love her. That isn't really the point of all this though, so I will suggest that you recognize that you are young and there will be a lot of changes over the next few years.

    Her family will not really accept her "dating" anyone at that age, so I am pretty sure that whatever your dating relationship is now, that it is under their radar.

    NEVER convert to any religion because of a love interest or because of your friends. JWs have a lot of expectations that are not likely going to sit well with you or your parents. Is their goal for you to grow up and do janitorial work? Or do they anticipate that you will attend university? What are YOUR expectations for your future?

    Do you imagine spending at least one weekend morning (and maybe every day of your life, full time) going out in field service trying to distribute magazines or other media to your neighbors at doors?

    Do you imagine taking kids to visit Santa and having warm family Christmas mornings around the tree, sipping hot chocolate and opening gifts and hearing the christmas story?

    Do you imagine being part of a service organization like the Rotary or working at a food bank to help others?

    Do you imagine taking your families on vacations in the summer to open stadiums without AC and sitting on hard metal bench seats for 8 hours a day and lugging in your lunch in a cooler for 3 days. In the nosebleed section, with 3 small screamingly bored children? Do you think you want people to criticize you for taking them to Disneyworld on the way home and ask why you didn't use your vacation days more productively out in field service?

    Do you want to be criticized if the overtime that you have to work just to feed those 3 kids keeps you from doing "more" for the organization or accepting the privilege of being a ministerial servant?

    Do you imagine your kids playing team sports, dancing in the nutcracker, singing in a choir, getting an Eagle Scout badge or basically, pursuing sports, hobbies or dreams?

    Do you think it would be all kinds of fun to put your 2 month old in a little bitty baby suit and tie and take him to two meetings a week?

    Do you want to be subject to shunning and discipline by a religious group because somebody took offence at the way you dress or that your child is naughty in one of those excruciatingly long meetings? How about if you get kicked out for ANY reason and your entire JW family, friends, congregants---every JW in your life rejects you-probably even your wife will reject you? Your kids won't respect or listen to you anymore, you will lose all authority over your kids and your wife will send you to the couch.

    Good thing you are too young for marriage now. You are too young to have even thought about most of those issues, but I know you have a family now and you imagine, likely, that your kids will have the kind of upbringing that you did, the kind of memories, and traditions and habits. If you become a JW, there is no way that will ever happen. It doesn't guarantee that life will be miserable, but faking it all just to have won a girl will get old real quick and all the sacrifices that you made "for her" will become a contentious issue. Resentment can ensue.

    Doing nice things for those you love is amazing and good and kind. Changing your religion and in doing so, being obligated to spout convictions that you don't have for the rest of your life will be soul killing. As a man, you will be emasculated. As a human, you will feel like a turd.

  • JWdaughter
    Oh, Alex-WELCOME. I think you are smart to ask the opinion of others. I do hope you will do your research on this. It is a cult-do talk to your own parents about this idea (generally or specifically as appropriate).
  • Vanderhoven7
    How strongly does she believe her religion represents the truth? What is her level of commitment? Has she been baptized? Do her parents know she is dating a non-Witness?
  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once
    We know what it means to give your future to the Watchtower cult. Alex, do you make better decisions than you did 5 years ago? I imagine your answer is yes. Five years ago you were 9. Think about how different your decisions are now than they were then? Now you are 14. You have gained more insight than at 9. Imagine how different your outlook will be in 5 years when you are 19 compared to 14, or even 18 compared to 14. Feelings are important but life choices ie: girlfriend for life or a religion, need to be made with a balance of mind and heart. You must inform your mind and see the choice before you is bigger than your current experience can recognize. In fact as you let time pass you will grow to see that they aren't really choices you need to make at 14. Take a step back and THINK. 14 is not time for choosing a life partner. From the view of an adult, which you are soon to be, neither of these are a good choice for a happy life. A cult and a girlfriend for life at 14? THINK ALEX.
  • LisaRose

    We not current Jehovah's Witnesses, for former members who found out that the leaders of this religion lied about a lot of things, so we can't really recommend you become a member. It's a cult actually.

    I know that love is just as real and painful when you are 14 as when you are any other age, but you are very young, it's way to soon to know of this is going to be permanent thing, the odds are that it won't be. The fact that she is a Jehovah's Witness doesn't help either, you know her parents will be opposed to anything serious between you. I know that is hard, but it is what it is.

    Please research this religion before you go any further, encourage your girlfriend to do so as well. I like JW also check out

Share this