A spy's life is a lonely one

by LevelThePlayingField 26 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • pale.emperor

    I dont know how you stand it mate. I was wide awake for a few months before being discovered, but those months took a toll on me. My mood was getting lower each week, depression starting to set in.

    I've had the best 2.5 years since leaving. Literally the best time of my life.

  • slimboyfat

    Ha! The others sound a bit passive aggressive, but I like that one actually. Wicked.

    Replace the ministry school schedule on the Kingdom Hall bulletin board with one you've typed up yourself.

  • The Fall Guy
    The Fall Guy

    LTPF - your constitution is far stronger than mine! I couldn't do one more minute of F.S., assembly, convention, assignment, or Watchtower Study for the cult.

    In your situation I'd openly say things which show where your loyalty apparently is. Things like, "Isn't it terrible that Satan is using the courts to attack the preaching work by imposing multi-million dollar fines."

    Plant "Google seeds" while you're near good soil!

  • inbetween09

    Same here, also PIMO for several years, can`t leave due to family situation. Often I feel stuck, lonely and frustrated. To some decree I can talk about some of my concerns with my wife, she agrees often and is not shy to critisize the org, even gb members. But for her, the truth remains the truth, and I think it would be emotionally damaging to her, if I draw her out at this time. maybe this will change in the future, who knows.

    But even to her I could never admit that I`m conversing with apostates....so yes, being a spy is a lonely place...

    In the meantime, I try to be as Christian (in the true sense) as possible and let reason rule in my dealings with others, often picking more liberal viewpoints, sometimes expressed in the org literature.

    In real life though, I´m tending more towards agnosticism.

  • eyeuse2badub

    Hash tag # Me too!

    I'm and incognito apostate and have free access to all the jw's I know. My former fellow elders in "my" congregation don't bother me at all! All the brothers and sisters in the hall treat me even better than when I was an elder! My wife knows that I'm totally 'out' but she has accepted that and i do believe that I'm making good progress in waking her up as well. Being under the radar gives me many opportunities to plant doubts with my long time jw friends.

    just saying!

  • slimboyfat

    At our KH hundreds of magazines went missing a few months ago. The elders even made an announcement about it and said it was a "serious" matter, and commented that only people with KH keys could have taken them. Which is pretty much just the elders. So were they pointing the finger at themselves? It was a bit odd, but the suggestion seemed to be there was some sort of saboteur on the loose. I can image it's the sort of thing someone in the OP's shoes may do. All rather intriguing, but I never heard any more about it.

  • DesirousOfChange

    Create a fake email account and email apostate information to everyone you know.

    I know of an individual who was tracked down by doing this. An IT savvy Elder in his Cong compared IP addresses from the "apostate emails" to the IP addresses of everyone in the Cong who had sent him emails. BINGO! Now DFd.

    Like Pale Emperor stated, I don't know how you stand it!!!! I absolutely could not sit through that BS for an hour or more! I would end up outting my self when they saw me roll my eyes or LOL.l

    Don't get me wrong. I understand the reasons that so many of you "fake it" like this. Sometimes, I wish that was the path I had taken, but my wife agrees that there is NO WAY we could "fake it". Just even thinking about trying to do so raises my blood pressure. "These people" -- this Organization -- robbed me of the best years, no, decades, of my life (and some of the not so great years too). Some self-righteous, hypocritical, pompous asshole of an Elder would make some comment about me needing to do more and I'd just end up shouting FUCK OFF to his face and unloading with TTATT.

    Additionally, what if someone with doubts decided to remain "in" based on the fact that Doc and his wife seem like knowledgeable and reasonable people and they "believe"?

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once
    Every day that passes is one less to live. If you are content with the situation then just put up with it. If it is not satisfactory then I would make a plan to ease out. There are hard choices to be made, but what would you do to capture your days back and live them honestly? I feel for you. Good luck.
  • stillMS


    Honestly, I don't even remember exactly when I started having serious doubts about the BORG - was quite surprised when looked at my registration date here. Lots of things happened since then.

    As for now, I don't see the reasonable way out of the BORG for myself. Surely, no real preaching in order not to accidentally invite someone to join JWs - but actually, it's pretty easy these days: there are so little people who ever could be attracted to the current crap in JW literature. The only thing that can make someone join JWs, I think, is some kind of emotional attraction (love bombing or smth of that sort).

    OP - don't worry about your current status - do what's best for you and your family in the way you understand it.

  • joe134cd

    I sincerely thought I could do the same thing as you. Passing it off as human imperfection and still been able to be an active JW while been fully aware of TTATT. It took 18 months, before I walked out of the Hall for good. Long term I don't know how anyone can do it, and I really did try to make sense of it. I was in it for 4 decades.

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