A spy's life is a lonely one
Now that you're awake, I don't know how you can sit through the manipulative, simple-minded and cringe-inducing content of the meetings.
Everyone's situation is different, some of us cannot reasonably get up and leave.
I discovered TTATT some 10 years ago and at that time my wife would not even engage in any discussion about problems with the WT teachings. My parents were very old and I knew that if I left I would be written out of the will in a nanosecond. It wasn't just the inheritance per se, I didn't particularly need the money, it was the fact that the money would go to the WT Society instead.
They have since died and my wife has softened a little, I can now have a non argumentative discussion on WT problems with her. However, I have other family that are uber-JW's, also friends. I have some brothers work for me who do a great job and I would have great difficulty replacing them.
At my time of life, I am in my 70's, it's just not worth the hassle to leave. There would be no great advantages and plenty of disadvantages. I'm never going to re-live my adolescence and bed all those lovely girls in the 1960's!
If only the internet had been invented in 1970 it would have been a different story. For me and plenty of others.
Reading your OP gave me an epiphany.
Me and my wife aren't friends, we haven't been for 6 years.
We've had a fake relationship since November 2011, when I woke up.
if you really must stay in the congregation---have a bit of fun with it. when you answer up in the watchtower study--make a deliberate mistake. nothing really serious--but just enough to get a smile from any others who are also awake.
awake--? why stay awake--nod off during those looong boring talks. snore. fart.. never wear a suit. nor a tie in the warmer months. sandals even.
do you still do talks ? plenty of room for errors there.
never go to assemblies.
never contribute any money.
never volunteer for anything.
regularly miss going to meetings--at the last minute. especially if youre on the programme.
and as for door knocking.....
I know of an individual who was tracked down by doing this. An IT savvy Elder in his Cong compared IP addresses from the "apostate emails" to the IP addresses of everyone in the Cong who had sent him emails. BINGO! Now DFd.
Too bad the poor chap didn't use a proxy or tor, or better yet, some IP addy that could be tracked back to Bethel!
Do you hum the James Bond theme when you go into the hall? You can introduce yourself to visitors as, 'Field. Leveltheplaying Field.'
Seriously though I get what you're saying. Movies make the spy game look glamorous but in the real world it's anything but. Even on the level of being an apostate spy, which is not as nearly as dangerous as being an MI6 or CIA Operative, you have to constantly stay on guard, watch your back, not trust anyone. It is tiring and depressing.
Hopefully one day you can lose your Double 0 status and enjoy your freedom. Good luck.
"Hopefully one day you can lose your Dub-bie-0 status and enjoy your freedom."