A spy's life is a lonely one

by LevelThePlayingField 26 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • LevelThePlayingField

    So I have been awake since about this time in 2013, so about 5 years. And the craziest thing about it is that now, no one, and I mean no one know's I am an apostate. Meaning, that I don't believe the JW minds set/beliefs at all, AND no one knows it. Not my wife of 26 years of marriage, nor my best friend of 36 years, nor anyone in the congregation, NO ONE.

    One might say, what a wonder feat I have accomplished, and yes, it isn't easy. There are times I just want to scream, "it's f*cking not real!!" But I keep my cool, some how. I just wish I had someone to share my TRUE feelings with. But I have no one.

    Thus, the reason for the title, "A spy's life is lonely one". But somehow it's all worth it. Some how. Maybe you can relate to this. If you can, then that means that I am not alone after all. For sure, there is a Vast Apostate Army out there and it is only growing weekly. What keeps my sanity is knowing that there is people out there like you who knows fact from fiction, who aren't afraid to face the facts and if the truth hurts, then by all means rip of the band-aid.

    It's people like us who are willing to say, if this isn't the "truth" then show it to me, and if that means that no one has a monopoly on truth and truth might be a little allusive then so be it. At least I'm not believing a lie. Amen to that bro.

    There. Now I feel better already, thanks for reading. :)

  • days of future passed
    days of future passed

    As a spy, incognito, do you attempt to give out info that may help someone to view the "truth" differently?

  • LevelThePlayingField

    I look at how they look at life and "the truth" and make a determination from there. So, far, all I have run into is a bunch of brain dead zombies. I think if the KH was on fire and there was fire/smoke coming from every door/window and the elders said the building was NOT on fire, there would be some people who would say, "oh, ok, then resume as normal" and they would burn alive.

    That's the circle of people that are around me, zombies. If there ever was a person who had even a thought of their own, you can bet I would try to plant some seeds.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    Why not have a little fun for yourself....

    Put JWfacts.com stickers (the hard to remove kind) on the inside of the stall doors in the men's room at the assembly hall or Kingdom Hall?

    Create a fake email account and email apostate information to everyone you know. Be sure to include yourself so you can join in on the shock and horror, with everyone else.

    Replace the ministry school schedule on the Kingdom Hall bulletin board with one you've typed up yourself.

  • smiddy3

    Your wicked Pete however it`s not a bad idea except doing it in a KH is far too risky.

    I would suggest dropping this info in their letter boxes in the middle of the night or when you know they are not at home.

    Take care Bro. and keep your cover up .

  • days of future passed
    days of future passed

    I probably would have looked like a zombie too, but that is because I kept my thoughts to myself. Some go out with a bang! over a big issue, but many just collect (like me) pieces of the puzzle that doesn't make sense. Then one day, the last piece falls in and you leave.

  • scratchme1010
    But somehow it's all worth it. Some how.

    I hope so. Actually, I'm not sure you are completely alone. I know there are other people in the exact same position, maybe not in your congregation, but others. You are certainly not alone, even if it feels lonely.

  • neat blue dog
    neat blue dog

    I know it must be far more common than the GB would have anybody believe. I've been fully awake for a year and a half, and yes it's very lonely, but not just that: frustrating. Emotionally taxing too, especially because it involves friends and family, the very people I WANT to share my deepest thoughts and feelings with. So far, my only direct outlets have been this website and prayer. However I do PLENTY of discreet reverse-witnessing, in private conversations, comments and from the platform.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    I bet you're not the only pimo in your congregation. Look around in a public talk....see how many have that glazed expression in their eyes. The lights are on..but there's no.one home.

  • Half banana
    Half banana

    Level, well done for waking up! I remember the intense frustration of going to the meetings having woken up and in my case already having become an atheist. To watch the illogical drivel and indoctrination being encouraged on the platform made me want to shout out at the stupidity of it all. I held my tongue! So I sympathise with you!

    I did enjoy walking out of a meeting half way through never to return to the kh, it was a sweet moment!

    I did try and sow seeds of logic like contradicting someone's assertion that the Watchtower is never wrong but the conditioning of JWs is one of social conformity above and beyond reason. JW thinking tramples on logic because it places a greater value on keeping alive the hope of living forever in the panda petting dream world. JWs are permanently egged on to keep believing this pie in the sky nonsense by the witness community which is what JW club membership is all about.

    So the difficulty is always finding how to pacify the emotional needs and breaking the social taboos not just exposing the faulty reasoning. This is hard enough but your average JW is almost hard wired to ignore dissent even it it is logical...it's a wonder any of us made it out!

    However, sowing seeds of scientific facts (no Adam, no flood) and the errors of JW revisionist history should make a difference, it's probably the best we can do under the circumstances.

Share this