by tech 597 19 Replies latest jw friends
Tech,
All I can tell you is, yes, it's hard. You can try to sit down with her and calmly explain your feelings. I still have a hard time watching my wife pack up the kids and go, and although I always help her get out the door as much as possible, I still feel like I'm letting them down by not going, or perhaps by not forcing them all to stay.
Just try to keep talking, and emphasize your love for her. Not all marriages can survive this kind of rift, but it's worth working for, right?
Wow, Loves Dubs, you really hit them all square in the eyes on bookstudy night!! And because there were so many witnesses to your outburst, I was wondering what the backlash was from the elder body???
tech, the point you made about using Hebrew 10:24-25 was excellent. I don't expect your wife to see the logic in it, unfortunately.
The WTS, as you know, has them convinced that 5 meetings per week are "from Jehovah" though there is no stipulation in the bible at all as to how often Christians should meet. Also, Christian "gatherings" in the first century may have included their love feasts and other social arrangements.
I'm lucky to have a wife who feels like I do. I feel for ya, pal.
ow, luvsdubs, that's quite an experience. The frustration you must have felt obviously became unbearable, and i'm glad you were able to speak up.
It is really hard. I know what I went through. Mr NW had stopped going to the meetings 6 yrs before I left, and the feeling that I was to go to the hall on my own was horrible. We had been such a family unit, we more or less took up a whole row, and then WHAM, I was sat on my own. Talk about Johnny No Mates!! I can remember begging NW to come to a couple of meetings with me, but he was adamant that he would not attend another meeting. His brother would call me and say that he had a chat with him, and given time he would be back at the meetings, so I held on, hoping, but the children could see things far more clearly than I ever could, and all four slowly but surely stopped going to the meetings. Our daughter would occasionally attend, but it was with a heavy heart, and I use to feel so guilty, about her attending, as her heart was not in it. The thing is, the reasons as to why NW stopped going in the first place, were all so relevant, and I understood completely, but I always hoped, but eventually I stopped asking, and then other issues came along, and then my joy was lost, it was horrible, I thought that the bottom had dropped out of my world. (after 40 yrs) But I eventually asked questions, reasoned with myself over many issues, and then I came to my own decision as to why I could no longer associate with JWs. NW never once stood in my way, and I thank him for that, because I did it on my own! He use to listen to me, and my frustrations, but he still allowed me to think for myself. He never once made me feel bad about my choice. The only thing he did, was say that the children could be independent in deciding as to whether or not to attend the mtgs. Now I am OUT, and I am so happy, and relaxed, but I had to do it on my own. The only seemingly down side to things is that my 'family' do not speak to me, and so called friends ignore me in the street, but so what, if that is what a true friend does - who needs them. Life goes on, and new friends come along, who prove to be 100% better than any JW could ever be - because true friends are not fickle. Mrs Nightwarrior
Instead, I sit there like a bump on a log doing nobody any good.
I know the feeling, I have it every Sunday morning I cannot sing the songs because the words would stick in my throat. To quote an old expression "Sometimes I sit and think, other times I just sit"
But consider , why we do it . We have partners to whom it means a lot.By attending we are doing something together. In my case the only thing that we regularly share and we often go on for a lunch after the meeting. If I did not go then it would cut a line of communication and mean a lot less time together at weekends
Also, there is the hope that she may perhaps become receptive to the reality that we have come to know, (some hope at the moment!)
Having a mate that is still in when you are not is not easy. Unfortunately I know this first hand. For a while, my wife kept a glimmer of hope that her “weak” and inactive husband would someday gain a renewed interest it the fine spiritual food being served. She would come back from the meetings telling me about various people who asked how I was doing, and how they missed me. I would say to myself: why didn’t these friends just come over for a normal visit, why does friendship and concern need to be joined at the hip with religious indoctrination?
I have two particular weaknesses, and she knows them well. They are good BBQ and good hard driving, keep jamming till the cops bust down the door rock-n-roll / soulful down in the dirt blues. I don’t just enjoy listening, I like, (make that love) playing too. I play several instruments, and so she has in the past used an effective BBQ / Jam session ploy to get me to some gatherings, and even sometimes to the meeting that proceeds the gathering. She would say, "so and so is having a gathering at his house after the meeting, everyone is bringing a dish and they will be firing-up the grill". "Oh and I think a lot of the brothers will be bringing their instruments; I bet they could use a good drummer or another guitarist". "Remember how much fun you had the last time"?
That ploy has indeed worked in the past, but now fortunately or unfortunately (depends how you look at it) I am never asked to any more gatherings. I think my wife knows that at this point I would much rather have all my teeth pulled out with pliers, and have all the skin ripped from my body, and my eyes gouged out with a power drill then do anything remotely promoting or participating in the activities of this cult.
However, this new understanding she now has about my true feelings comes at considerable cost. Regrettably she just can’t see the dichotomy between my feelings respecting the Dark and Evil Tower itself and the genuine affection I continue to have for the individual members trapped in this cult. A because of this, my wife and I live very separate lives. We share part of our lives together and under the same roof, but much of the substantive components that make a true and joyous relationship have now and forever been vanquished.
And to think that a free home Bible study could have cost so much is almost unimaginable, but it indeed has.
Freeman
And to think that a free home Bible study could have cost so much is almost unimaginable, but it indeed has.
That statement is so sad, yet so true.
This whole thread has had some amazing posts on it. WOW!! I never left Bible sudy central until about 3 years after I left my very unhappy marriage, so it really does not apply to me, however, what some of you have endured or continue to endure is what I would call the real sacrifice. Bless all of you and may the blinders be lifted soon from the ones you love.
AS IF
And to think that a free home Bible study could have cost so much is almost unimaginable, but it indeed
Freeman that is deep
