New greatly appreciated

by Confusedandangry 42 Replies latest jw experiences

  • AllTimeJeff

    There is one thing I'd like to offer in the way of lessons learned via experience: Beware of information overload. If your eyes are now opened to how JW's are like Scientology (and thus, cultish/cultlike/high control group) then you have some stuff to work through. Be patient with yourself. It is absolutely a process, but one that is well worth it.

    Now that you are open to considering facts, you are going to have reactions to some of the stuff you've learned. I wish you peace and that you don't linger to long in the anger. :)

  • Confusedandangry

    I wish that were the case @Wingcommander & @Londo111. He has actually seen several Scientology documentaries. One with Louie Theroux which I haven't seen & another one I can't recall. While we were watching Reminis episodes he would make statements like "oh JWs are nothing like that & we are so different than them". I couldn't believe my ears! His blinders are on so tight that he can't see the smallest similarities. What I am going to try is get him to watch a few videos that have helped me. He is pretty open minded to watching almost anything. Thanks for the tips everybody. It's really hard to hold everything in, but like several of you have said, I have to make a plan. Now I wish I could change my username, I don't want to feel angry anymore.

  • Londo111

    Too bad. Maybe something will strike a chord and will awaken him.

    Another show you might want to watch, which is fictional, is the Path. It is on Hulu. Just a warning some of the language might be objectionable for JWs.

  • AllTimeJeff

    Anger is like first gear in a car. It's great to get started, but you have to switch to other gears or you'll burn up on the highway.

    OOPS I hit post before I was ready.

    Get angry, it's ok, it's part of the process. Just don't stay there. :)

  • Finkelstein

    I have to make a plan. Now I wish I could change my username, I don't want to feel angry anymore.

    No as you shouldn't, being happy and free from fear, ignorance, guilt, shame, lies ,deceptions, corruption and all of that strategically forced upon you by power seeking controlling men, well that should rather make you thankfully happy that your distancing yourself from all of that.

    Let it also be recognized that the JW cult is not the only religoius organization that has all of those damaging elements. You found one already in the Scientology cult.

  • Londo111

    According to the October 2011 public Watchtower, feeling angry about being lied to by one's religion is to be expected!

    Have You Been Lied To?

    FEW experiences hurt more than learning that someone you trust has lied to you. You might feel humiliated, angry, or even betrayed. Lies destroy friendships and marriages; they defraud people of countless millions of dollars.

    Imagine, then, how you would feel if you learned that you had been lied to about God. If you are devout, the effect could be profound, as it was for these churchgoers:

    ● “I felt that the church had betrayed me.”—DEANNE.

    ● “I was angry. I felt that I had been tricked—that my hopes and goals turned out to be futile.”—LUIS.

    You might hesitate even to consider the possibility that you have been lied to about God. What you know may have come from someone whom you trust and who would never intentionally hurt you—your parents, a priest, a pastor, or a close friend. You may have believed a certain teaching all your life. But would you not agree that even a widely held idea can be false? Former U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt recognized this fact, for he said: “Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth.”

  • steve2

    Hello Confusedandangry. I'm so glad you have received a lovely reception from others on this forum. You'll see that so many others have gone through - or are currently going through - similar experiences.

    I'd like to add my support to the posts by AllTimeJeff who cautions against information overload.

    Remember also - despite what you may feel at an emotional level - there is absolutely no urgency, no emergency. You have all the time you want to process your current reactions. It is JWs and their organization who will try to overwhelm you with FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt) and use "urgency" to get you to comply.

    My JW family and friends tried to use the old "urgency" of the-nearness-of-the-end-line on me some decades ago - and it almost worked. Working out your next few steps deserves calm, rational-minded thinking not panicked, emotional reasoning.

    We hope you will stick around and use this forum to help you make your way forward, and hopefully, your husband will show greater receptivity to gentle and sensible discussions, without emotional "reasoning".

    Best! steve2

  • Finkelstein

    I'd just like to mention to you Confusedandangry that we are here to help you with any questions concerning the JWS religion doctrinal or otherwise.

  • Giordano

    Welcome to the forum. If your pattern changes like not going out in field service, skipping meetings etc. You should prepare to have a response ready.

    You can say you have been feeling depressed as of late. Or you are thinking some personal matter through.

    On the other hand you may want to have an issue you can bring up as to why you feel 'stumbled'.

    One of the most serious problems the WTBTS has is their pedophile problem and the way they have and continue to deal with it. There are more then enough non apostate sources that can be found with a quick Google search.

    I had a thread on this subject that shows incredible mistakes and polices that are damaging to children, kids in the congregation as well as the community you live in.

    That will get you started....... though you may be well out in front on this issue.

    A word of caution do not ever meet with two Elders and don't trust your husband with your doubts. If he's a loyal JW he may decide to talk to an Elder to get you 'spiritual help.'

    You have to establish a new reality for yourself and that means creating distance from the JW construct. Establishing boundaries with family, friends etc. will help.

    Right now hundreds maybe 1000's have read your posts. Many have taken the time to are not alone anymore.

  • DesirousOfChange

    May I suggest speaking privately with your husband about how this show made you feel, and ask him if he had the same feelings? You may be pleasantly surprised at his response and reaction. ~ Wing Commander (I think)

    You've got tons of great advice already, so not much more to add, except about what was said about approaching your hubby. Be cautious!!!! ASK QUESTIONS!!! DO NOT (read that again -- DO NOT) come out with both barrels shooting at the Cult/Religion. Test the waters. See where he stands on it all. What is the reason he is luke-warm (semi-active) about it all? Many times when a "weak" person hears an "attack" against the "Truth" it causes them to hunker down and dig in deeper. Be sure you don't cause that to happen. Good luck. . . . Doc

    BTW -- we've all been right where you're at. We went through the same emotions, the same trauma, the same shock, anger, hurt, pain, disgust (and lots of adjectives like that). Baby steps! Baby steps! There is no need to rush!

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