HELP! My JW parents are trying to steal my daughter

by calamityjane 31 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Sentinel

  ((Jane,))

  My heart goes out to you. Life is so unfair sometimes. I truly understand. I was in much of the same dilema when my son decided he didn't like living with me and so went to live with my X-inlaws. Wasn't much I could do about it. The important thing was for him to continue school and graduate. Our connection was so damaged when he went with them, and they weren't even JW's. I had the mother-in-law from hell.

  When my son was about to graduate, I kept waiting to hear something from him, or get an invitation--anything. I mean, I am his only surviving parent, right? I finally called and he told me he could only invite two people--and that it really was no big deal.(gulp) Guess who those two people were? Right. X-in-laws. My heart was broken. I gave it a lot of thought, a lot of tears flowed. Then I came up with somewhat of a solution. I contacted a friend of mine from school, who's son was graduating at the same time from the same school. She was able to get up close and snap some pictures of the moment my son got his diploma. Then she sent me the photos in the mail. It wasn't the same, but it sure was better than nothing at all.

  I never did get his high school picture. I kept asking him for one, and he kept "forgetting". When kids reach 18 or older, it's their life. Your daughter is an adult. You've done everything possible that you can do. So, you have to "let go".

  I wish you all the best. You aren't alone. I know it hurts so much.
• 

  calamityjane

  DJ thanks so much for your thoughts. I appreciate them.

  But my daughter isn't under the jw mindset, never was, although we tried in her earlier years, but then we eventually left. Its just that she has such a relationship with my parents that she does feel torn between them and us. She desparately tries to get us together when she comes to visit, but I just can't do it because I have too much history with my mom and her deceiving, conniving ways. I find it easier not to have my parents in my life at this time. I have two younger children that I have to protect too.

  (((((((Sentinel))))))))

  My heart goes out to you to. Its nice to know that we are not alone in our pain.

  You had the mother in law from hell, and I have a mother from hell. Oops did I say that.

  I'm glad that you were able to get photos of your son, it is a great moment in their life.

  thanks

  cj
• 

  cruzanheart

  a 2 day drive to T.O. may be the opportunity to open up a dialogue, and perhaps mend some fences

  I've got some stomach tranquilizers you can have if you do that, jane! Man, I couldn't stand a drive from Dallas to Ft. Worth with MY mother and we were on speaking terms. Actually, SHE was on speaking terms -- I just listened.

  I agree with everyone that you should go to your daughter's graduation. She will remember it and, even if she chooses not to, YOU will remember it. She's still your baby!

  Love,

  Nina
• 

  calamityjane

  (((((((Nina))))))))))))

  I hear you on the mother issue. Your mother sounds like my mother, blah, blah, blah. She does all the talking for herself and my dad.

  I told xjw that there was no way in hell you'd catch me travelling with them for two days. I don't think stomach tranquilizers would help. Valium maybe, or just an lethal injection. Just kidding.

  Thanks

  Love

  Denise
• 

  cruzanheart

  Depends on who gets the lethal injection!

  Nina (of the Tempted-More-Than-Once class)
• 

  calamityjane

  LOL, Nina. I think you could figure out who would get the injection. LOL again.
• 

  DJ

  Jane,

  Oh, well that changes everything now, doesn't it? I guess I ass-u-med.... Ok, so she is just acting like a 23 year old. I think that's the age that I started to sort of.....like my mom. I started hating her at 12. Hey, maybe your hubby is right.....if your daughter sees what a good example you set by being kind to your nasty mom, maybe it will rub off on her. It can't hurt you, except your tongue might bleed from all the biting you will have to do...lol Have you considered just telling your daughter that you love her and would like to share the graduation day with her....and then ask her if she'd mind if you came too? All that a mom can do with grown kids is reach out until they reach back to us again, right? If she doesn't want you to go..then ((((Janie))). Just keep showing her love, she will come around. Surely, you wouldn't want to skip her big day and let your mom win. What are you going to do at her wedding, skip that too. You are only hurting yourself by holding back love. My husband's parents try to win the affection of my kids whenever I punish them too.

  As far as her not being a jw.....well that's great. I can't figure out why on earth she would want to be with jw relatives. Kind of a weird kid, is she? lol I hope she watches herself because Grandma must be just roping her in til she can catch her. By the way, I have a lovely mother in law...... I guess I better be nicer to my kids from now on..... Long story short.......Call your kid and tell her that you love her and want to come.....you can handle being with your mom, if you WANT to. C'mon do it for your child. Love, dj
• 

  figureheaduk

  ((((((hugs calamity jane and exjbw_12))))))) always there if you need someone freindly to talk to.......
• 

  calamityjane

  Hey figurehead thanks so much for your hugs.

  Hey DJ, I forgive you These boards are hard to follow. I believe my daughter knows I love her, as far as biting my tongue, I wouldn't have one left after being in the company of my mom. And as for my dad he is a "pussy whipped elder" , moulded by my mom, the matriarch. (sarge we called her, when we were growing up) Like I said we have a history, if you go on a previous thread of mine, I'd have to look for it, but it was denying jw grandparents to see non jw grandkids. I will not subject my younger ones to her and as soon as I open to door to me, she will want to see the kids and they will want to do that in return and I don't have the time or energy mentally to do that. Its hard enough bringing children up in this world with the everyday worries and concerns of a normal parent, then to introduce them to dysfunctional jw life.

  (((DJ))) I have a wonderful mother in law too, isn't that great. I don't think I'd be as strong if I didn't have the support from my husband and his family. I have basically been disowned by my family, being cast out like a black sheep, but I have gained another mom and dad, my in-laws. They love me dearly and I love them dearly too.

  love

  cj
• 

  Prisca

  ((((((calamityjane))))))

  Everyone has given you great advice, but I definitely agree with this:

  Or should I go, irregardless of the fact that my "borg parents" are going to be there, but I just want to be with my firstborn...and show her I Love Her !

  Regardless of your relationship with your parents, the relationship with your daughter sounds pretty good, and I think she would be disappointed if you chose not to be there on her very important day. You don't have to sit with them, but your daughter will know that you're there, and that's the main thing.

  I'd advise NOT to travel with your parents, that would only cause more stress for you. Fly over, if you can afford it go first or business class to pamper yourself, and to make your trip more comfortable if you don't like flying. It's a special occasion, and there's no reason why you should miss it.