HELP! My JW parents are trying to steal my daughter

by calamityjane 31 Replies latest jw experiences

  • calamityjane

    I just phoned my daughter who is 23 years old, and she is graduating from college in Toronto this June. I thought because there were some great flight offers that I would be spontaneous and be there for her graduation and just do a mother daughter thing of celebrating. Well I just phoned her, to tell her that I would like to be there, and she hits me with the bombshell that my parents will be there and staying with her. God, that took the wind right out of my sails\

    I don't want to make this long but I have to explain why we are at this point in our lives.

    I married young to an elder's son, from Michigan, was miserable, got pregnant, left him because he was a sorry son of a bitch. (I caught him in bed sowing his oats, because he couldn't do it under daddys' roof) I went back home to Canada, to live with my parents, so as I was working and trying to make a life for my daughter and me, they took charge of her.

    When she was 5, I got married to xjw_b12. He loved her so, and he adopted her within the first year of our marriage. (he is a sweetheart and my rock). He was able to adopt her because my ex didn't want anything to do with us, and never fought the adoption. In fact he denied it was his, during the divorce, and later when he was served with papers, when xjw_b12 adopted her.

    So years later, we are now having problems with her. In pre-teen age because of the JW restraints and the restrictions we would bring upon her. My parents never sided with the upbringing that I was doing with my daughter, although they did the same with me. But because they had a dislike of xjw everything we did was wrong. So eventually my daughter would use that against us, run away and eventually run to grandma and grandpa's house, because they understood her. Like right, they would have never allowed that with me, but because they were trying to save her, they totally disregarded our efforts. My daughter never ever took to the jw mindset. and because she is not baptized they use that against us because she could be saved.

    Advance forward to when she turns 18, She is now at the prime of her life, graduating from highschool and going to Chef school. My parents are now instrumental in introducing my ex-husband into her life (who all of a sudden, now that she is 18 and has no legal obligation to support her, admits he's her father). Up until this time my parents hated my ex, because he had been disfellowshipped because of his early actions, but because he now was back in good standing in the congregation and I was on my way out of the organization, they were going to back stab me and do this to me.

    What hurt at that time is that my daughter invited my parents to her graduation first, rather than us. I was hurt, and there was no god damn way I was going to sit at that graduation with my parents there, the wounds were too fresh.

    So now I'm here tonight, thinking that things have changed and I'm right back down into my deep abyss, feeling like I somehow failed my daughter, and I'm paying for whatever I've done in life. Again my parents are right there, before me, taking the glory. And I'm there in the background as a blacksheep.

    Did I bear this child to only get kicked in the teeth. I feel at this time that fine!! Go to hell all of you, and my side of the family, because I'm better off without this shunning crap.

    So now I'm wondering.......... should I just go for the hell of it and make my parents feel uncomfortable with an apostate daughter, and actually sleep in the same room as them. Or should I go, irregardless of the fact that my "borg parents" are going to be there, but I just want to be with my firstborn...and show her I Love Her !

  • SixofNine

    that second thing

  • xenawarrior


    breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.

    You have every right to be angry, upset, hurt and frustrated by this asinine situation- vent it all you want so you get it out and it can't stay inside and hurt YOU. Try not to absorb their stuff. (easier said than done, I know)

    No matter how mean or spiteful your parents or anyone else chooses to be- she is YOUR daughter and you love her.

    Please do not allow anyone to steal this precious moment of your daughter's life from you. Go to her graduation and enjoy the moment with her and create a memory with her that you will remember for the rest of your life.

    If it helps with any of these jerks you have to interact with the entire weekend- any time you see them- picture them in their underwear with Billy Bob teeth in. Or some other thing that will make you smile inside. Hold your head high and be confident!!! We'll all be there in spirit with you!!!!

    Wanna bring my sword along ??

    Hugs at ya sweetie !!!


  • teenyuck

    I am with Xena and Six.

    {{{{Calamity & XJW}}}}

  • calamityjane

    thanks six, I am leaning towards that.

    XW, Yes your sword might give me some strength. thanks for your support.

  • neverthere

    Go, if you don't you will regret it for the rest of your life.

    Support her, tell her that you love her, no matter what, and that you will always be there for her.

    My thoughts are with you,


  • SheilaM

    {{{{{{CalamityJane)))))))(((XJW))))))))):Please go, your daughter knows in her heart what is "reality" it's just the age sweetie. Personal message me have I got stories that would make your hair curl LOLI know all about getting kicked in the teeth.

    I have said what problems I have with my two siblling but now I don't let them dictate my life, when my niece had her reception (she was married at the justice of the peace) I decided I loved her more than I hate their attitudes and choices in life. They were staying at my sisters and I walked in and didn't speak to them I had a blast and ignored them. I am horribleI can't NO MATTER HOW I"M TREATED not speak to someone that is speaking to me I hate that about me. But I was very curt in my answers, ya know it bothered them more than me that I wasn't feeding into what Thunder calls the "feeding frenzy" which they love to exact on me. I felt great not disappointing my niece and also making them squirm. LOL

    So chin up sweetie as I say "people suck" LOL Go watch your baby gradutate and screw them all LOL

  • calamityjane

    {{{{{Sheila}}}}}}} I was hoping to hear your kind words. Thanks so much. I have to go to bed now but I will talk to you guys tomorrow.

    Love ya all


  • Big Tex
    Big Tex
    breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.

    Best advice I've ever received on this board.

    Don't let others dictate your life. Do you want to be there? If you do, then go and sit away from your parents. If it were me I would go, if nothing else just to gig my parents, and I would show love to my daughter. If she doesn't appreciate it, then it's about her and not you.

    Good luck.

  • Mystery

    And I'm there in the background as a blacksheep.

    Who says we are "black sheep"? I don't know what my feelings will be in 9 years regarding my sons, but I strongly feel that whether they want me there or not, that any special occasions in their life that i will be there.

    Be there for her, she may not appreciate it now, but when she "grows up" she will remember in the back of her mind that you were ALWAYS their for her.

    Suppose her grandparents "shun" her in the future, who will be their for her? Them? Or you?

    She is making a mistake in her life right now. Are you going to follow in the Borg footsteps and shun her?

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