My life story... by Confuzcious.

by confuzcious 18 Replies latest jw experiences

  • confuzcious

    Hello Friends,

    Since I'm not going to the memorial for the first time since I've became a Witness, I wanted to post my "J Dub" life story as a form of therapy.

    I guess I'm posting this here, also, as sort of a refreshment for others who taken this road. After much study, I've finally disassociated myself - in my heart at least.

    To begin with, I was was not brought up in the organization but became one about 15 years ago through a friend.

    After the initial "love bombling," the one thing that made me think was a CO we had. He was real pompus and had negative things to say when I showed up for field service in a new convertible - two doors of course.

    It was tremendously upsetting because, here I was, a person from "the world" that left everything behind and was going out in field service about 12 hours a month, and all the guy could do was pick on me because of the car I drove.

    Eventually I got over that and got married and pioneered with my wife.

    One thing that I am glad of, is that during that time, I was really balanced in that I pioneered, but still worked hard to advance myself personally.

    In time, I accumulated things such as $70,000 cars, limousines, homes, etc.

    Without going into too much detail, I'm in the arts.

    All this, outside of one of the homes and the limousine, was while I was pioneering.

    After a while, it GREATLY upset me that I was a pioneer for almost 10 years and never was appointed as an elder.

    My life goal at the time was to be a CO.

    It especially disturbed me that my Bible Study, whom I studied with WHILE a Pioneer, became an elder before me.

    The bottom line, is that I was NOT a typical J Dub. I was a pioneer, but it bothered certain ones that I was one that was "progressing" in the "Truth" TM and also making money in "the world."

    During this time of material increase, I because very prominent in my area. I was known as a JW and many of the friends, some of whom I still love, would use my name and say, "Well, so and so, is also a Witness."

    In time, the absolute frustration of not "progressing' to be an elder, got me down.

    I took on a mistress (which I know is wrong), and got reproved. Twice.

    My wife took me back on both occasions.

    In time, my wife left me and I also began to go on the Internet to research JW.

    There's much of the story in between here, but between Randy Watters and the two books Ray Franz wrote, I finally realized that, yes, perhaps, this is not the way.

    There is too much things to talk about what made me leave, but the bottom line is, REASON brought me into the "TRUTH" and REASON brought me out.

    Today, I profess to be a Christian with Jesus Christ as my Lord AND my MEDIATOR. HELLO!!!!! Remember HIM????

    Along the way, I've became depressed, suicidal and felt lower than dirt.

    I'm divorced now, and have a wonderful girlfriend that I will benefit from ALL the things I've done wrong with in my first marriage.

    From time to time, I may post, but know that this board has really helped me in many ways. And I may or may not continue to post.

    But know with all things, I'm ready to move on with my life. And I'm VERY happy and content. Not only with life, but my new relationship with my Master.

    Thank you Brunnie, Blondie and a host of others here that have been tremendously helpful.

    And Godspeed.

    With Love,


  • Brummie
    I've finally disassociated myself - in my heart at least.

    Well thats the best place to d'a first, the rest comes naturally! Sorry you had to go through the JW ordeal but glad to see you are finding your feet again.

    And I may or may not continue to post.

    arrghh, you gots to continue to post, just as others have encouraged you, your input has been just as encouraging to everyone else.

    All the best in your new life, keep the faith


  • outnfree


    Thanks for taking the time to post that. It's instructive for the newbies and makes all of us feel closer.

    I remember it being quite an emotional time the first year I stayed home from the Memorial (this will be my 3rd anniversary ;) ). A group of us felt we SHOULD do as Christ commanded and so celebrated at my home. It was very nice to be partakers for a change!

    It's disturbing to me to see how your worldly success strictly inhibited your organizational success. My, those brothers can be a jealous bunch, can't they?!

    I wish you happiness with your new love and peace with your choice of a belief system.

    Take care,


  • Maverick

    I can relate to a lot of what you feel. Near the end I was an MS and drove a custom Jag and took a lot of heat because of my success in my profession. Though I work for people of your social standing, my education and training allowed me a freeness and intimacy with my clients few in my profession attain. Most of the witnesses I knew did the bare minimum when it came to their secular work. I found that appalling! My work ethic and drive compel me to do the very best I can, at work or at the Hall, and I employ a level of mastery that many find bewildering. But that is who I am. Many J-duds felt uncomfortable around me. And that greater respect I received in my work was matched by the lack of respect at the Hall.That last year if a J-dud asked me a question about my craft I would blow him off and avoid him. They treated me as unworthy until they needed something , I was over it! I am glad you are at peace with who you are, and happy you are able to move on. I know in time I'll go that same road. Your servant, Maverick

  • nowisee

    dear confuzcious,

    i appreciated reading your story. anytime a person is judged with bias and prejudice it is wrong. it is just so sad when it hurts one so deeply.

    i am sorry for the sad and frustrating times you endured and glad that you are now in a happier space.

    my very best wishes to you,


  • Mystery

    I wish you continued success...

    And a real peace within yourself.

  • nightwarrior

    Thanks for sharing with us your story...

    It will be strange for me also this year, as it is the first time in 42 years that I have missed the memorial, but Mr NW and I are taking time out because it is something that we feel very strongly about.

    As regards the rest of your story, may life continue to treat you well. I just feel that JW s are a jealous lot, and hate anyone having anything better than them. In other words not a thing.

    Your friends here in the UK

    Mr and Mrs Nightwarrior

  • wednesday


    i remember when u first came to the board. u took some heat. Best wishes to u


  • bikerchic

    Confuzcious it's really nice to hear from you. I know how hard missing that first Memorial can be, this will be the second year I won't attend and I'm not missing it at all. It takes time, I wish you the best in your journey and it's great to know you are moving ahead with your life in a better direction.

    Hope you check in from time to time.


  • twinkletoes

    Hi Confuzcious

    I really appreciated your "life story", and can honestly say that my husband was treated in very similar manner. Over thirty years a JW and not made a MS or Elder - If you face doesn't fit then you have no chance, it certainly isn't anything to do with spiritual qualifications.

    Please post from time to time as many more new ones are coming on this forum and would benefit from your comments. We have two very dear friends who have recently come out of the Org. They will be getting their very first computer tomorrow and are looking forward to reading all the comments on this forum !

    Best wishes

    Twink (& hubby Kaytee)

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