Since I'm not going to the memorial for the first time since I've became a Witness, I wanted to post my "J Dub" life story as a form of therapy.
I guess I'm posting this here, also, as sort of a refreshment for others who taken this road. After much study, I've finally disassociated myself - in my heart at least.
To begin with, I was was not brought up in the organization but became one about 15 years ago through a friend.
After the initial "love bombling," the one thing that made me think was a CO we had. He was real pompus and had negative things to say when I showed up for field service in a new convertible - two doors of course.
It was tremendously upsetting because, here I was, a person from "the world" that left everything behind and was going out in field service about 12 hours a month, and all the guy could do was pick on me because of the car I drove.
Eventually I got over that and got married and pioneered with my wife.
One thing that I am glad of, is that during that time, I was really balanced in that I pioneered, but still worked hard to advance myself personally.
In time, I accumulated things such as $70,000 cars, limousines, homes, etc.
Without going into too much detail, I'm in the arts.
All this, outside of one of the homes and the limousine, was while I was pioneering.
After a while, it GREATLY upset me that I was a pioneer for almost 10 years and never was appointed as an elder.
My life goal at the time was to be a CO.
It especially disturbed me that my Bible Study, whom I studied with WHILE a Pioneer, became an elder before me.
The bottom line, is that I was NOT a typical J Dub. I was a pioneer, but it bothered certain ones that I was one that was "progressing" in the "Truth" TM and also making money in "the world."
During this time of material increase, I because very prominent in my area. I was known as a JW and many of the friends, some of whom I still love, would use my name and say, "Well, so and so, is also a Witness."
In time, the absolute frustration of not "progressing' to be an elder, got me down.
I took on a mistress (which I know is wrong), and got reproved. Twice.
My wife took me back on both occasions.
In time, my wife left me and I also began to go on the Internet to research JW.
There's much of the story in between here, but between Randy Watters and the two books Ray Franz wrote, I finally realized that, yes, perhaps, this is not the way.
There is too much things to talk about what made me leave, but the bottom line is, REASON brought me into the "TRUTH" and REASON brought me out.
Today, I profess to be a Christian with Jesus Christ as my Lord AND my MEDIATOR. HELLO!!!!! Remember HIM????
Along the way, I've became depressed, suicidal and felt lower than dirt.
I'm divorced now, and have a wonderful girlfriend that I will benefit from ALL the things I've done wrong with in my first marriage.
From time to time, I may post, but know that this board has really helped me in many ways. And I may or may not continue to post.
But know with all things, I'm ready to move on with my life. And I'm VERY happy and content. Not only with life, but my new relationship with my Master.
Thank you Brunnie, Blondie and a host of others here that have been tremendously helpful.