some times, other ex-jw's piss me off, not sure....

by jwbot 36 Replies latest members adult

  • Kaethra
    Kaethra

    I understand what you are saying jwbot. Sometimes when I've spoken to other xjws who've only physically, (as opposed to physically, mentally, and spiritually, whether d/f'd or d/a'd), left the borg for all the "fun" reasons that you've mentioned, I get annoyed too. I am not the first to say it but some people really need rules and guidelines carved in stone by others in order to have boundaries and I think persons like that actually do better within the cult than without.

    A couple of things though...

    Sometimes when a person leaves the jws, she has been and still is experiencing extreme cognitive dissonance. Unable to fully believe everything she has been taught, yet so afraid to be fully shaken from her former faith. A person like this is very likely to become involved in all of the fun things the world has to offer in an attempt to live before the ever-imminent "end". I think though, that what we sometimes miss is that such a person often becomes involved in self-destructive things simply because she has been brainwashed to believe that she is indeed worthy only of destruction....better to do it yourself rather than some wrathful Sky-God, you know?

    K

    P.S. I meant to mention as well, that if you were raised in the borg, it is sometimes difficult to know how to make your own moral boundaries, since essentially all of the ones you have have been forced upon you by others from birth.

  • Xena
    Xena

    I left the JW's for the first time for "fun"...lol sorry to bring down the team average ...I was 19, just discovering men found me attractive after all and tired of never having any fun...I was out for 3 years sowing my wild oats...then caved under family pressure. As Prisca stated I didn't have the foundation of knowing WHY the org was bad..I just knew it was keeping me from having fun..so I didn't have the conviction I needed to withstand them.

    I think that even if every person who left the truth NEVER got in any trouble the dubs will STILL say they were bad......cause that my friends is what they WANT to believe!

  • NaruNaruChan
    NaruNaruChan

    Consider if you will the depression that coincides with leaving the religion. When you leave you sort of go out of control for a little while, well.. at least I did. I didn't do anything too drastic, namely dyed my hair blue after getting hammered at my best guy friends house (who isn't a witness but I had to shun him when I was one) woke up... was like WTF??? cuz I was next to a guy in bed (and I'm a lesbian, so that's UBER-WEIRD) looked at my hair, got dressed and went to work. I went a little cuss-crazy, but that died, and now I'm about to graduate college in a year, I have a nice 2 door car, a great job, a wonderful girlfriend, and a decent life. ^_^ sooo... I thnk I'm successful.

  • jwbot
    jwbot

    NaruNaruChan: 2 door car? hehe. When I bought my first car this past year, I specifically told my boyfriend who was helping me car search "I want a 2 door car ONLY, no 4 door". He didn't understand the signifigance of it...but I was so excited to not be forced into a "good service car". When I was a teenager I was always getting in fights with my dad because he wanted me to be a pioneer and he would pay for a new 4 door car if I did pioneer. "No thanks dad, I am getting my own car, and its not going to be a 4 door. nya". Ok, A little rant there....

    As far as the "having sex, etc." thing...well I myself don't live the greatest, cleanest, life. but it is certainly not in any way, destructive to me. Sure, porn is A-ok, so is sex, and the body is a beautiful thing, etc. And I certainly had my indulges when I left (dyed my hair pink, I still have several piercings which I always wanted anyway) but I feel I have stuck to my guns and my beliefs and know I could never go back because of everything I beleive in.

    It has made me a bit bitter towards religion and fundamentalists, but I consider myself to be very spiritual and passionate about my beliefs (feminism, education, equality, etc.) which so go against anythink Jehovahs Witnesses could even come close to.

  • Granny Linda
    Granny Linda

    Personally I'm very grateful too have lived through those 'sex' and 'drug' years. Wouldn't trade it for anything because it gives me an opportunity to relate to others. And not just former jw's, but many others "out there" who, for whatever reason, find themselves at a cross road.

    IF'n the jw's were teaching social skills from the get-go perhaps those of us who chose to leave their ranks would fare better. It's a lack of education that often times takes us into behaviors that are not healthy. But once we've been exposed to the world, make the best of it. Hell, there are simply no guarantees for anyone, anyhow.

    We have a responsiblity to our youth. We have a responsiblity to teach and show by example...what it is too be responsible to ourselves. Growing up JW sure didn't teach me a damn thing positive. Everything is a negative. There was/and is no balance. So now you have that youngster choosing to go forward with little to no skills. What the hell do we think might happen, eh. ERRR....this lack of teaching children how to live in the World is one of my pet peeves. Oh course...I was one of those children many moons ago.

    Love ya,

    granny

  • gumby
    gumby

    .Hi jwbot

    There are also a couple ex-jw's in my area who left because they "just wanted to have fun", the latter bothers me less, because even though I find it sad they just don't have convictions, the fact that they are out is great, and maybe they will mature. It just makes ex-jw's who are responsable, educated, etc, look bad

    We have all heard stories of witnesses going hog wild when they leave.

    A person has to wonder where their heart and mind was.......while they were still dubs.

    Were they refraining from illicit sex, drugs, etc., because of fear of disfellowshipping, or fear of parents, or fear of exposer? If they were, .....then according to the watchtowers own definition.....they weren't in Gods Organisation to begin with.......they are living a double life in their heart.

    My point is.....there are many dub/fundies who's hearts are into unrestrained morals in their hearts, but on the outside they appear rightous. When they leave or are kicked out.....they simply live out what was in their hearts to begin with.

    Many do not go the latter path, but rather either have a deep love for god and still live as a christian......or still lead an upright life and they are not christian.

    Mouthy and Pris made some excellent points........hooray for granny and little sis!

    Gumby

  • wednesday
    wednesday

    One thing i have found since i stopped attending, i am MORE MORAL than i was as a jw. I am not pressured now, and understand the reasons behind good morals (instead of just being told everything was bad and i was going to die at the big A or get DF) now i want to please God and live a good life. JWS never instilled that in me. I got it on my own, from a personal relationship with God. Now i really care. I never gave a flip as a jw-it was all a game to see if u could get past the elders.

    SO SAD. That is not the love of God.

    Instead of telling people they are bad, they should tell them they are HUMAN and show kindness and love.

    they are evil people.

  • gumby
    gumby

    Wenesday,

    The Organisation is evil true......but the people inside are only evil in the sense of following their brainwashed minds. It is sad a Organisation can influence this many people to a hardened attitude of others. I am sure when you attend the memorial with your hubby you will see the real love they have for others..............( snicker snicker )

    Gumby

  • wednesday
    wednesday
    I am sure when you attend the memorial with your hubby you will see the real love they have for others..............( snicker snicker )

    lol ,yeah well, i'm going to give them something to talk about, wearing a pantsuit. That is a real NO NO here in the Bible belt.

    my husband said he is going b/c of jesus , not for any jw. And he is reading (very slowly) COC

    they dislike us so much, they do not even bother to "encourage" us at the memorial. We are now officially only memorial attenders.

    DEAD MEN WALKING

  • gumby
    gumby
    my husband said he is going b/c of jesus , not for any jw. And he is reading (very slowly) COC

    I'mlad he is reading it at all. Very slowly is better than fast for this book.....he won't want to miss anything.

    We used to call your types "seat warmers" in the hall. Isn't that a loving expression? I'm surprized your hubby even wants to attend with attitudes like that twards you two.Maybe their attitudes when you attend will resolve something for him......we'll hope so.

    Hang in there!

    Gumby

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