You Know You're in the Wrong Religion When....

by Vanderhoven7 44 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Vanderhoven7

    Just thought a review the following material many have contributed to might be helpful

    You know you are in the wrong religion:

    1. when the all important question is not: "Do you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ?"....but...."Do you believe in the "Faithful and Discreet Slave" appointed in 1919?"

    2. when you will be refused baptism if:

    a. you don't believe Jerusalem was destroyed in 607 BC (whereas all non-JW scholars, all encyclopedias and all history books say this event took place in 587 BC.)

    b. you, like Cornelius, are a member of the military.

    c. you, like Daniel, Joseph and the Ethiopian eunuch hold political office.

    d. you don't believe the apostles went door-to-door and that Christians are required to do the same.

    e. you don't believe there the majority of Christians running around today are not part of the New Covenant, do not have a heavenly hope, and are not Spirit-begotten or born again.

    f. you don't believe that finding and serving in the right organization (the one with headquarters formerly in Brooklyn, now in Columbia Heights ) is necessary to escape eternal destruction at Armageddon.

    g. your hair is too long or you are sporting a beard

    3. when window-washing, JC Penny suit-wearing elders insist that THEY carry out and handle cases of child abuse and NOT the trained authorities.

    4. when your organization holds NGO status in the Wild Beast of Revelation for 10 years running.

    5. when your leaders have a 100% failure rate interpreting biblical prophecy...except of course when it comes to invisible stuff.

    6. when you have to surrender your conscience to men.

    7. when independent thinking is labeled as sin.

    8. when you are to encourage everyone else to question their religion, but are forbidden to question your own.

    9. when you are told not to look into the past history, or failed predictions because that would not be " encouraging ".

    10. when your religion enforces medical quackery such as forbidding vaccinations or organ transplants.

    11. when you are forbidden to celebrate birthdays because thousands of years ago, somebody died at a birthday party.

    12. when you are constantly told to wait on Jehovah for answers to your scriptural questions and doubts.

    13. when child victims have to jump thru hoops to expose a pedophile

    14. when you have shunned your own children for the last 25+ years.

    15. when you just had to suppress the thought that you might be in the wrong religion.

    16. when a generation can last over 100 years.

    17. when you are denied life saving medical treatments.

    18. when you are taught to distrust your own thoughts.

    19. when you were told you didn't need college because you would not have time for a career in this system and now you a card carrying member of AARP.

    20. when you can't figure out the current teachings on which 'fractions of fractions of fractions of blood' are acceptable to Jehovah.

    21. when you find out that you and your wife made love in the wrong way.

    22. when all your friends stop speaking to you because you visit web sites critical of the Watchtower

    23. when you will be disfellowshipped (spiritually executed) if

    a. you don't agree that rejecting the authority men in Warwick is worthy of excommunication and shunning ex-JW family members.

    b. you disagree with any doctrinal position or change handed down from the current governing body in New York.

    c. you engage in any behavior that could be labeled as "brazen", and you refuse to "repent" when called before a kangaroo court.

    d. you allow your child to have a blood transfusion to save his or her life.

    24. Humorous Additions: You know your in the wrong religion WHEN:

    a. you find out that all your pioneer friends shop at Goodwill, too.

    b. your car now qualifies for antique plates-- no sense buying a new one when Armageddon is coming- very soon!

    c. your Harry Potter Books are kept hidden under a quilt, behind the cat box in the furnace room

    d. you casually say "i don't think the governing body is the true channel" the room gets quiet they all look at you pointing and screaming your cover is blown the alien controlled humans are chasing you the last remaining human who still has a human brain.

    25. when you see the words "Jehovah" and "Witness" juxtaposed.

  • James Mixon
    James Mixon

    Someone sneeze. You pull out your Bible and show the person it's a sin to say "bless you, or gesundheit".

  • Are you serious
    Are you serious

    Excellent work Vanderhoven7! I'm going to use some of these when the opportunity arises.

    You also know you're in the wrong religion when you can only buy vehicles with at least 4 doors.

  • Sour Grapes
    Sour Grapes

    When you can have a big baby shower with gifts galore for an unborn baby, but once the baby is born then you can't give gifts on the anniversary of the baby's birth.

  • JW GoneBad
    JW GoneBad

    You know you're in the wrong religion when you're fellow parishioners will cheer you on to bleed to death while you're on a hospital operating table!

    :-) :-)

  • JW GoneBad
    JW GoneBad

    ...this is fun & therapeutic!

    You know you're in the wrong religion when you have a blast of a time crackin jokes about your beliefs, doctrines, teachings and cult church leaders!

    :-) :-)

  • Betheliesalot

    26: when almost every week some A..hole speaker lectures about fornication and pornography so much that you feel like you have a master,s degree on the subject

  • doubtfull1799

    Great list, but there is another, even simpler, one:

    You know you're in the wrong religion when....

    1. You're in one!

  • snare&racket

    When they attempt to explain that the god of the universe needs money.... and promptly too !

  • Vanderhoven7

    Some great additions guys!!! Keep em comin...

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