realness, i feel for you. you are obviously very sincere in what you say.
i too was once in the place where you are. i pioneered for many years. my life was the organization, following its teachings (believing that the teachings were scriptural). all of my family and friends were jws. i married a bethelite. i was raised a jw, my father was an elder. i swallowed everything wts said too, hook, line and sinker. i considered myself to be "zealous".
when after a while some serious scriptural questions were raised that the elders could not answer by scripture, we were told to simply not question. --direct quote. when issues were raised with some of the anointed, that could not be answered by scripture, they said they "would follow watchtower above the bible." -- direct quote.
it was a long gradual process of leaving, one thing heaped upon another. more than l0 years of doubts and questions not being addressed.
i was in a spiritual limbo for many years after leaving. in the last year or so i have made contact with a christian church, unjudgemental, accepting of questions, providing so much spiritual food. they provide for probably a dozen different bible studies each week, available to all. they read THE BIBLE. they read and discuss scripture alone, no watchtowers, no books. it has been totally enlightening to me that there are others who read and rely on scripture. i always believed as a jw that we were the only ones. totally false propaganda.
i really hope you can open your mind and allow for the possibility that there are others who love God and His Word. i sincerely hope it does not take you too long to find out "the real truth" about the watchtower society.