Getting disfellowshipped to marry and return

by confused 45 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • DesirousOfChange

    This is called “collusion”. The planning of “putting away” one’s mate to marry another thinking that one can be DF for just a short time and return in good standing with the new mate.

    Not sure what if any revisions there are on this subject in the new Elders book, but in the past that couple would be refused reinstatement for “many years”. And even upon being reinstated they would not be allowed appointments possibly forever and certainly not until the death of the innocent mate(s) that were divorced.

  • new boy
    new boy

    You forget one important thing and that is Adultery is a provision from Jehovah!

    Let’s say you are in a bad marriage say there maybe abuse or bad sex or any number of things that make this marriage undesirable. With the witnesses there is only two ways to get out of it. Death or adultery. Since murder is illegal in most areas, this makes adultery your best option. Of course you have to set in the back of the Kingdom Hall for a few years but it beats 30 years in the slammer! So you can see this is a wonderful provision from god’s loving organization to get out of a bad marriage!

    ps it got me out of mine

  • Incognito
    this is about watching two very selfish people who have known each other for about 6 weeks tear 2 families apart.

    Unless one of them is your spouse, you really do not know the private details of either home life. Obviously, we don't know either but perhaps they are both unhappy and feeling trapped in abusive or unloving marriages. Maybe the home situation for both families is miserable and already damaged beyond repair. Perhaps desperation was what is common and having someone to talk to that could understand and not judge was what brought them together.

    Life is too short to merely exist in an unhappy condition.

  • BluesBrother

    Yes, this happens.....l am out of the loop now but last I knew the re- instating committees were told to be cautious in these cases.

    I knew one case, the other sisters were hiissing mad she was allowed back after a short while with toyboy husband.

  • EmptyInside

    I'm sorry for the pain this has caused your loved one. It happens a lot in the organization. They can't read hearts,is what they say.

    It depends on the couple,on how they are treated when they are reinstated.

    If it makes you feel any better,those marriages don't usually last either. As the saying goes,how you get them,is how you will lose them.

  • blondie


    Questions From Readers

    ● If a man (or, a woman) ran off with another’s mate, could he be forgiven and accepted back into the Christian congregation?

    In the unusual case brought up in the question, scheming and deceit may well have been manifest. For example, a man (perhaps himself married) gets infatuated with someone else’s wife. There then may be hidden flirting, secret meetings and unrevealed displays of passion. Lies and deceit may be used to keep this from others, particularly the innocent mate or mates. In time the pair might run off together, and after unscriptural divorce may marry each other. They may well have calculated the outcome, realizing that disfellowshiping will follow. But they think that “maybe in a year or so” they can claim repentance and get reinstated, thus having things just the way they want. However, it is a grave mistake to presume on divine mercy. Galatians 6:7 guarantees: “God is not one to be mocked. For whatever a man is sowing, this he will also reap.” That Jehovah looks with disapproval upon fornication is seen in many scriptures and this should not be overlooked by those entertaining wrong desires.​—Compare Revelation 21:8; 22:15.

    If in time such a disfellowshiped person comes to the spiritual elders representing the congregation and asks to be reinstated, what occurred, as well as the wrongdoer’s attitude, would have to be considered. Regarding the unity of the faith, Paul spoke of not being influenced by “the trickery of men, by means of cunning in contriving error.” (Eph. 4:13, 14) That is true in avoiding doctrinal error and it is equally so in avoiding having in the congregation persons who deliberately have used deceit and trickery to accomplish wickedness.​—Compare 2 Corinthians 11:13; Psalm 101:7; 119:118.

    The committee of elders handling such a request for reinstatement would want to give thought to the difference between a person who succumbs to sin in a moment of weakness and someone who conspires to sin. We can recall that God showed mercy to Peter after he denied Jesus three times; yet God executed Ananias and Sapphira, who schemed in their hearts how to carry out their deceit.​—Acts 5:1-11.

    Elders thus need to exercise great caution in cases where hypocritical pretense and conspiracy are involved. A person may profess sorrow and repentance, but if he were back where he started, would he “do it all over again”? Would he leave his mate for another? Of course, now he has entered a new marriage and so cannot simply end it and return to the way things were before; the former marriage ended with the divorce, adultery and remarriage. (Matt. 19:9) Yet, does he manifest genuine repentance, being “crushed” and cut to the heart? (Isa. 57:15) Does he have a repulsion for the sin he committed, rather than mere sorrow that he is disfellowshiped and is not able to enjoy Christian association? Has he over a sufficient period of time, which is not predetermined, produced the fruit that befits repentance? The elders would need to be convinced, without a doubt, that there is true repentance. If they do not sincerely feel confident on this, they may decide to wait and meet again to review the matter after more evidence has accumulated.

  • LV101

    EmptyInside - I've never heard that saying, "how you get them,is how you will lose them." That's a good one. Makes sense -- leopards don't change their spots.

  • Marcial

    For some of us, have we become more rigorous than the followers or leaders of the Watch Tower?

    What these couples do with their lives is their business and it is not this kind of commentary that makes the authors grow up. These couples that form, break up with the consequences or happiness this belongs to them and we do not have to give any opinion on their choice.

    To love is also to admit that the other has reasons to act that we are not in a position to judge otherwise we become worse than those we have left to live our freedom and we should not hinder even in thought to say anything about what we think is right or wrong for them except to be happy (even if it does not last)

    With kind regards to all of you


    Translated with

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    New Boy : "ps it got me out of mine"

    same here--with a great added bonus--it cut any remaining connection to that stupid cult. freedom twice over!

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    going back 50 years ago--the bruv that bought my mom and dad in--so indirectly me---subsequently started a bible study with a young couple about his own age...who eventually got baptised. only he studied the wife a bit too closely--and they were both d/f. the couple divorced--the lovers got married--and were reinstated within a short time.

    he was treated like a returrning hero--and a big party took place.

    the first husband went on to marry again--and stayed in the cult. i then left the area and lost all contact.

Share this