How do you deal with the emotions of waking up? ---my ramble -----

by Fognomore 22 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • Fognomore

    Good morning,

    I am just wondering how you have constructively worked through the emotions of waking up? I am trying hard to be positive, and I know life is a gift. I am glad I woke up now, but I wish it was 20 years ago. I get overwhelmed and angry at times that my parents and ultimately myself were (are) so indoctrinated. Seems like I have wasted so much time ,and energy on worthless pursuits in the JW cult. I also have many things to be thankful for and I reflect on those things as well to keep my spirits positive. Its hard to recognize that my entire world revolved around a "lie" and that it's expected that I indoctrinate my kids into the same crap. I have good days and bad days, but today is not a good day-I am trying to make it one.

    I have started to do more things for myself, and have been speaking up about the "Borg"with those around me in small ways. I really really feel some of my feelings are because " I have been never able to be myself" in my entire life. I mean to honestly say " I do not believe in the JW theology" and have a constructive conversation with the PIMI is impossible and that's my entire family. Its so frustrating, my son asked me if I believe in demons the other day. He is 8 years old, and I said absolutely not. Religion is so damaging to kids and their developing brain that it makes me physically ill to hear the indoctrination especially to little kids. What other kid in the world would ask a question like this? For the most part an 8 year old outside of the WT recognize that demons are not real( Halloween ), - Part of the FOG -it just amazes me how early this crap starts.

    Have a great day

  • StarTrekAngel

    In my experience, reading about what others are going thru is real good therapy. Off course, every situation is different. I tried for years to wake up my wife and it was one of the hardest and most draining things I've ever done. Especially if your significant other is not opening up about their real fears, which in turn will have you attacking the wrong enemy.

    Ultimately what worked for me was finding a group of other ex-JWs you can meet with. In my case they were all ex's from the same congregation. Being able to talk about it with them made it all more tolerable. Just like you, I had a sort of PTSD moment every time I heard my mother in law speaks of the meetings or assemblies. Meeting with the other group of evil apostates helped me vent out.

    Ultimately my wife grew too curious of what we would talk about when we met. It was frustrating at first to notice that she was more receptive to the gossip I brought back from my get togethers than the stuff I wanted to talk to her about the org. But eventually I noticed that it worked so I was happy to have found a way to get these topics discussed without a fight. I guess since she knew this people more than I did, it helped validate their experiences.

  • Diogenesister

    This might help. Its not related to jws or religion but it has some useful ideas and good tools, such as the happiness calender. Have a gander! And ride it will have bad days but know that feelings will not feel bad/angry/depressed all the time. Im sure youre beautiful 8 year old must bring you so much joy. Enjoy him, they grow up so fast...too fast! Glad you are able to assuage some of the fears the borg tries to burden him with.

  • LoveUniHateExams

    You can't feel positive all the time - nobody can.

    FWIW, here's my take on it ...

    People can either allow negative emotions to consume them, or they can take charge and beat those emotions with a whip - hard.

    Deep down, I'm an angry person. I'm angry twice over - once for how Watchtower treated me and once more for how my father treated me. If I acted out some of the thoughts that go through my head, I'd be in prison for a very long time. XD

    But I kinda use my anger to motivate myself to get out there and do well. I leave my anger in my flat and go out and tackle life head-on, kinda.

    Cassius Clay was scared of Sonny Liston but he beat him. Why?

    Because Clay projected his fear outward, not inward.

  • Fognomore

    Thank you Star Trek Angel and Diogenesister,

    Your comments are appreciated. I can relate to PTSD moments and I think mine are bad when and if I see my kids being affected.

  • Finkelstein

    Its unavoidable to feel emotions of anger and apprehension once someone realizes and accepts the lies and corruption that you as an individual has been soaking up being an active JWS for years .

    The WTS more or less created a con job surrounding preaching "The" Gospel which they devised and created a tainted false commercialized gospel to enhance the proliferation of the literature the WTS published and to support their own self empowerment as god's chosen ones..

    In doing so they created a source of power and money.

    Scripturaly they were and still are False Prophets which Jesus himself warned about and instructed his true followers to not listen to.

    The activity of JWs and their leaders (GB) unqualifies them as being true faithful and loyal Christians and being loyal to god as well.

  • Fognomore

    Thanks Love Uni Hate Exams , that is true

  • stuckinarut2

    Hi fognomore,

    Thanks for opening up and sharing this thread.

    We get it. We understand. To recognise that we were duped into a false set of beliefs that shaped our whole life is very confronting.

    I know it sounds contrite, but believe me it gets better.

    When I look back at my own journey from the early days here on this forum, to where I am now, it spins me out.

    Let me reasssure you that there IS life after being a JW, and it is a wonderful life if we allow it to be.

    Find those life activities you enjoy, find new friends, and treasure each day. You now have the choice to determine your own life free of the oppressive and controlling FOG from the society.

    Sending you much love!

  • john.prestor

    Remember this: you woke yourself up and you didnt have to, and that says something about your character and resolve. You decided to wake up and face reality instead of staying in denial all your life like so many others. I, too, made that decision slowly as a teenager waking up in a fundamentalist Baptist church. You should feel anger towards these people, although as time passes try your best to let that anger go and live your life like you talk about, and I'm talking to myself here as much as you, my anger comes and goes, but lately I feel a newfound optimism and joy in living. Express yourself, meet people, connect with your kids, connect with yourself. You got this. You're stronger than you know. And you're not rambling: trust me, I know what you're going through, and you need to share your thoughts and feelings you share them anytime.

  • WillYouDFme

    Fognomore - many of us have been in the exact situation! IT SUCKS.

    I have not figured out how to reconcile all I have lost and the time I have left yet either.


    Religion is so damaging to kids and their developing brain

    YES IT IS SOOO Damaging! Your #1 job right now is to protect your kids!!!!! No sacrifice is to big to make sure they have a NORMAL life. THAT IS YOUR JOB AS A MAN NOW:)

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