How do you deal with the emotions of waking up? ---my ramble -----

by Fognomore 22 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • Simon

    It's very easy to get angry but does you no good at all.

    The best thing to do is turn your energy into doing something positive, helping others etc... and / or focus on improving your life, making new friends and moving on.

    It also helps to not focus on the negative exclusively - acknowledge that there was some positives and benefits to a JW upbringing and that not everything that the WTS does is evil and JWs are not bad people or our enemy.

    That is often a trigger to some - beware of letting people who can't let go of their anger infecting you with their hatred. Leave the people who want to wallow in it to do what they want, focus on moving on and moving up with your life.

  • Xanthippe

    Hi Fognomore. I've found that the more people I meet the more I realise there are all sorts of things that happen to people that make their lives hard.

    I have a colleague that has type 1 diabetes whose illness and ensuing health problems have stopped her having children.

    I've met people with mental health problems, people who are going blind, people who can hardly walk.

    In India I saw people living in the most terrible poverty, tumble down houses, children begging on the street. So many different ways of life with everyone just trying to survive with what life has thrown at them.

    I hope this helps. I hesitate to write this because it rarely goes down well on this forum to say look around you, there's a lot of people struggling to cope with the cards life has dealt them. It's not just us.

    I'm not trying to minimise what you and I as exJWs have suffered I just think we need to mentally join the human race and say life is hard for all of us. It's damaging to think everyone else is having a great time but us. We are all humans struggling together but we're getting there.

  • tosca

    Hello Fognomore, it would be so easy to be eaten up with anger, resentment, bitterness and believe me I have had moments like that - a lifetime stolen, sacrifices made, opportunities for a different life lost and now the loss of those I love dearly through their shunning BUT I am determined not to allow these times to consume me and rob me of anymore time or happiness - I am in my mid seventies so maybe not oodles of time left! I try to reason that my life hasn`t all been terrible, I have met some wonderful people from my 60 odd years in the organisation, I try to find joy in the things I now have time for, lots of reading, walking when I feel well enough, chatting to strangers.Don`t let the past take any more from you - have a good life - find happiness wherever you can - much love.

  • Fognomore

    Hello All ,

    Thank you all die words of encouragement , stories , and some great words of advice. The best I can do is take care of myself and my loved ones. I don’t want to get caught up in a constant state of anger as that would not help as mentioned and I agree. I can only control now and not yesterday. At least I was raised with parents who loved me and in a part of the world that was “ free “ .

    Thanks for for helping me out

  • blisterfeet

    I spent many years very angry. I still have resentment about what was done to my family and myself. How could my parents fall into this crap?! I have found YouTube very therapeutic. I have come to accept what was and focus on what is now. Reading the forums and hearing others experiences and seeing how many ways I am not alone. The struggles I go through are not unique and it’s nice to be able to associate with a community that understands.

    Keep your chin up.

  • moreconfusedthanever

    We were just talking about this very thing this morning. About how we cannot say and be exactly how we want because of our entire families being lost in the FOG. I frustrates me how they still want to control us and our children and I wonder how they would have felt if their own families did the same to them when they decided to join this crazy cult. We have decided to ask them that very question next time they start with the "go back to meetings" lecture.

    When I first came to realise that my life had revolved around one big lie I was angry, frustrated and a bit lost - my user name says it all.

    I would come onto the forum every day sometimes more than once. Now I only log on every couple of days. The BORG and their lies no longer consume my every waking moment.

    I am so glad the actual truth became clear to me before I had my children believing it and knowing that they will be able to live their lives without the fear, obligation and guilt gives me great comfort.

    I have also been able to make friends outside the religion who have been great support to me and a place where I can openly talk about the mind control religion I was brought up in.

    It is very hard to cope with the constant battle of the mind when you have spent the day with a fanatical PIMI family member and then I remind myself that they too are victims.

  • Giordano
    The best I can do is take care of myself and my loved ones. I don’t want to get caught up in a constant state of anger as that would not help as mentioned and I agree.

    Number one, your a worldly person now. Not a freaking ignorant JW. So you can step away from that past life. What you can give your kids is a little better world that you contributed something to.

    What can you do to help? You can become a volunteer in an area that you feel can benefit by your knowledge, energy, passion. Or just because they need an extra body.

    Look around and see how many volunteers there are in your community. Unpaid volunteers trying to help make our lives a little better. Working with schools and school children....... in hospitals and libraries, at the pet shelter. Helping the underprivileged by raising money for food, for health care. Sharing knowledge, Hobby groups who incorporate their hobby into the community.

    In the last 20 or so years we were proud that we were able to help. Started a national advocacy group for those who needed a voice to protect their safety and income related to the sale of their art and where and how they were able to exhibit and sell their 11 years.

    Spent 7 years volunteering with a historic foundation that protected the history and historical buildings. Why? because it was our community's history and it was worth saving for new generations and why? Because 12% of our community's jobs are involved with historic tourism.

    8 years coordinating an artist's studio tour. Why? Because it is greatly loved by our small city and it is free and once a year you and your family can visit the studio's where the real creating takes place. Watch a blank canvas become a painting. A lump of Clay become a vessel. Meet the artists, watch them work , talk to them one on one. There's magic being done at each studio and artists willing to share what they do.

    The other day I had a plumber come to my house I sat with him while he worked on my furnace. Turns out he was raised by a mother with mental issues who favored harsh religions who think they have the truth (Not JW's). He was home schooled or not by his mother.......... reading a book at the kitchen table by himself and taking a test each month. He lasted one year then quite it all and went to work.... eventually he apprenticed with a master plumber. For the last eight years he has taught a plumber's school a couple of nights a week sharing his knowledge and helping people learn a career.

    He's now the head engineer/superintendent re plumbing in a major military college. It turned out he was actually doing me a favor.

    The people I volunteered with are the very best people to associate with.

    My wife is a volunteer as well, she conducts a water aerobics class....... three session's a week. She works for free. The 'walking wounded' attend her class. People of all ages who have been through hip replacement, shoulder injuries, who need to reduce weight, strength training etc.She has no degree. Just a lot of love and care for her 'students'. The water keeps the exercise gentle and safe.

    So since leaving the JW's these things have become what we value most. That and being surrounded by hundreds of other volunteers.

    This is the best we can do. And if we have made a contribution so be it.

  • smiddy3

    Looking back at some of your past posts I see that your wife is still pretty much PIMI and that can be very tricky for you when trying to educate your children about TTATT and protect them from cult thinking.

    I don`t envy you being in that position it must be extremely hard and I dont really know what advice I could give you to alleviate the problem except to say take small steps ,many of us here have made the mistake of trying to wake somebody up far too quickly with disasterous results.

    My thoughts are with you .

  • Fognomore

    I do appreciate everyone’s thoughts and input , it really helps. I have read each and everyone. I really like the idea of volunteering for a cause that I believe in and where I can meet some good people to associate with at times. I will read these again when I am off or work.

    Thanks a bunch

  • just fine
    just fine

    I volunteered at the animal shelter and habitat for humanity when I was dealing with waking up. I also joined rec league sports - volleyball and softball. I made new friends at both - I got the satisfaction of helping with the volunteer work.

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